To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

[BusyBride]

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

I would not invite her because she's not a friend nor shown she wants to become one or socialised with your friends so it's going to be akward, this is your hen do and it's a non formal fun event for your very closest GF's, you owe her no explanations. The only reason she's being invited to the wedding is because* *she's your best mans GF. If she wants to become 'real friends' with you she's going to make some effort and put some work into it, in the meanwhile she's an acquaintance. Be nice and polite to her (but not passive aggressive), that's all.

yggvugg · 06/01/2025 14:50

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

But if she can't be arsed with op generally then can't see her making an effort with guests, and you run the risk of two standoffish guests making everyone feel uncomfortable x

I wouldn’t invite her

I’ve been invited to hen dos but not the weddings!

Actually, twice I have been in this position (GF of best man) in my younger days and not given it a second thought

Invite her.
You said she doesn't know that many people. In preparation for the wedding it is kind that she gets to meet some of the wedding guests. She will appreciate seeing familiar faces when her boyfriend is busy with Best Man duties...

I was a bridesmaid at my SIL's wedding and played piano for her during the ceremony, but I wasn't invited to her hen/bachelorette party. I did not know her that well, and I was not offended in the least.

You find her standoff-ish and difficult to connect with - perhaps she lack confidence, or your relationship will just take time to understand/get to know each other better. If you would like that relationship to improve because it is your dh's best friends partner I would make the effort and invite her, but I am a more the merrier type of person unless someone is intentionally disruptive/rude etc

I’ve been to a few hen parties where I didn’t know anyone. You just muck in and make friends and then you have people at the wedding you’ll know. It’s up to her if she wants to stand alone all day. Leave her to it

I wouldn't invite her nor would I be offended for not being invited if I were her. The hen do, imo, is for the bride and her friends and she's not one of them 💁She'll be at the party, she'll be in the photos, she'll be in the video or a smartshow 3d slideshow or whatever you'll have, that's enough for a plus 1 guest imo.

Of course you should invite her. She will have everyone else to mingle with.

Think about how awkward it will make everything if you don't. And she hasn't offended you, you just don't particularly know or get on with her. It would be very unkind imo not to invite her, because if there's only a small group out there abroad, it will be dreadful if she isn't invited. You absolutely must. In my opinion.

Sorry OP but in that case I'd invite her even more so due to her partner being the best man. Perhaps a way forward would be for you to actually ask the best man to find out if she would like to go because your not sure given she won't know anyone whether she would like to be included in the list. You could also say she is very welcome but you don't want to make her feel awkward by refusing if given she wouldn't know anyone there she'd rather not attend. It's just a thought but worth considering.

It never crossed my mind that I would be invited to the Hen Party of DH's friends GFs unless they were also my friend. It is your party not his.

I'm also in a similar position to @HenDoNot DP's uni friend (who he is still very close to) and his lovely partner are getting married abroad. I have met her a couple of times, I've only ever met any of them a couple of times (they live a couple of hours away) and I speak to her on social media sometimes but wouldn't expect her to invite me to her hen do, even though we're going to the wedding. Would obviously be very flattered if she did, rather than offended, but I expect her to spend that time with her close friends and family, as she should

My DH was best man for a friend. I didn't own the bride but wasn't close to her (she is lovely though!!) she did invite me on her hen and told me I could bring another mutual friend if I wanted as she very nicely said I didn't really know anyone who was going. I didn't go (would have hated it) but it was nice to be asked.

Do you think she would come if invited?

I reckon she will say no so on that basis I would invite her.

I’d casually invite her as it sounds like you are all abroad for the wedding/hen. She can decline. I wouldn’t babysit her though.

She has. She's explicitly stated that whilst she doesn't dislike the woman, she doesn't like her either.

This is fine. It's not the crime of the century not to like someone.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here. I think it would be nice to invite her but it isn’t up to you to keep her entertained. Make the invitation casual and then she won’t feel she has to attend out of a sense of obligation. I’d hope the other hens would make an effort with her, it would be rude of them not to.

As has already been said (you clearly haven't bothered reading the thread) it would be ridiculous to have a total stranger turn up at a hen party, the whole point of which is to only , invite one's closest friends and relatives. Inviting a stranger in order to prop up a person who is similarly not a close friend or relative, is completely illogical.

Didn't occur to my DD to invite the best man's wife to her hen do - and DD gets on very well with her. Only the very closest were invited (12 of us in total).

The hen do is for you and your closest mates to have a party before you get married. You shouldn't be inviting people who don't fit the dynamic or you aren't that close to. So I wouldn't invite her. And from your description, I'm sure she'll be relieved.

Invite her, it's then up to her as an adult what she does, but don't feel obliged to stay stuck to her. She may be shy or find social events awkward. She can choose whether to go and she can choose who she speaks with. She may also be different when not with her BF.

Good grief you have a bad attitude. Do you really think it's okay to speak to someone like that?