To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

I think paypal is a good idea. It is easy to set up and I never get paper correspondence from them. Paypal will communicate with you via email. If your dh checks your emails, set up a separate email account just for your paypal account as every time you use it, paypal will send you an email confirmation.

To open an account, you will need to give paypal an email address and link it to a credit or debit card or bank account to set it up. Once the account is set up, you can receive the 6K into your paypal account (you only need to give the sender/executor your email address that is linked to the paypal account) and leave it in there as long as you want. It won't earn interest though.

Once you are ready to use it or transfer it to another bank, so long as the amount you transfer out is less than 6k, it will just come out of your paypal account and won't show on your linked debit/credit/bank account.

Can I ask whether your husband has savings in his own name as that would make a difference int his scenario?

He is not entitled to OP's 6k on a divorce if she keeps it in a separate account in her name and does not use it for joint/family expenses.

www.taylor-rose.co.uk/posts/inheritance-divorce-finances

Starling Bank. Opened mine on the app in minutes.

I would like to hear his side of the story. OP says she’s “bad with money” so maybe he takes control of it to overt any issues. Who knows? It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s abusive behaviour.

You are meant to be a team, working together for a common goal. You say you are buying another house together - did you want to do this? Both “his” and “your” money are shared assets as you are married.

Sounds like you should leave him if you can’t discuss finances together and you want to hide some of the money.

Do you have a trusted friend or family member that would hold on to the money for you until you get a plan together? How would you feel if the tables were turned & your husband had inherited some money but hadn't told you? I'm not judging btw, I inherited a small amount of money after my parent died & although I told my partner he did immediately suggest we put it towards & deposit for a house - I was confident in telling him in no uncertain terms that I would decide for myself what to do with it. (Our relationship is also rocky) he pouted about it for a while but I've stuck to my guns. If you feel controlled maybe this money is a way out for you? I wish you well.

Revolut are a terrible bank from everything I’ve heard, freezing cash and bad security.

Monzo doesn’t have the best security either imo, and terrible interest rates.

Better to go with someone like nationwide

To be honest, I thought you were talking about 100k or more. In the grand scheme of things. 6k is nothing! Get it into your bank and transfer it to an Isa. Once its in there, tell him. I think you need to take charge of your own banking and stop him messing about with YOUR money

Yes, Paypal is a good idea. Easy, private and secure.

If you don’t want to open an account online, go into any high street bank and open an account, take 2 forms of ID. Opt for no paper correspondence to be sent to home address.

He doesn't get to "take" control regardless of his opinion of her financial literacy.

He keeps his own money private but snoops on hers. No thanks.

Mine don’t. I have an account with Monzo and starling and only post I get is if I need a new card.

Putting it into your own account that he has access to, however infrequently, will bite you on the bum. When he does have access, he will see what the highest amount there has been in your account on any given month, so you won't be able to hide it. If you have a savings account connected to this bank accoun, he will have free access to that as well, in a few taps. It will need to be a totally seperate account in another bank.
He sounds quite controlling and could take advantage of the fact you are not so good with money. Do you ever go through your own account and check it for deposits and spends?

If your relations is on rocky grounds, you need to make sure you have a leg to stand on, should it not go well. As much as we don't want that to happen. Cracks happen for a reason and sometimes it's easier to pretend they're not there.
You need to learn to set up transactions yourself. They are straightforward with your banking app. It literally guides you through the process. You need to have some privacy. Unless of course you have access to his personal account. Then it makes it even.

@bananapalmtree you can open an account in any bank and transfer £20 immediately. then you can use those details to send to solicitors in whichever country they are in! I would not be telling your husband either, considering you have hit a rocky patch with him and he also has accounts which you have no access to.

She is entitled to half of marital assets despite not sharing the inheritance with him.

Revolut accounts aren't covered by FSCS so if they collapse your savings aren't protected. I agree with other PPs and would put the money in an ISA or at the very least premium bonds.

If I read your posts correctly then you might find this charity and their materials helpful survivingeconomicabuse.org/

I'd like to hear his side too. I'd like to hear him explain why he feels it's OK to be annoyed that his wife hasn't made more money and been able to contribute more, and what he was thinking of when he thought she would when they first got married. Was he expecting to freeload off her?
I'd also like to hear from his POV how it's OK to potentially 'rage' about his wife keeping some rainy-day money for herself.

Open an isa. Will take less than 5mins to open one with virgin 4.5% interest with limited withdrawals

OP, you have to start from the beginning. Stop him accessing your accounts, he has no business doing that. You can quite easily set up whatever needs to be set up yourself through the banking app, by calling your bank or going to a branch. There is zero need for him to have access to your money. The problem is that he convinced you that you are nothing without him and you believed it. And this is what is paralysing you from doing a simple Google search on how to open a bank account. This is an awful situation to be in. Having read all your updates, dare I suggest that you are actually in an abusive marriage.
You have to take control of this situation.

Well said, @MarkWithaC

The trad wife contingent sticking up for that abusive oaf is appalling.

Exactly this - you can set the account up to only send electronic statements to your email address. DH won’t know unless you tell him.

So your husband pays for the majority of the bills and kids activities ( I appreciate that he earns significantly more) and you still want to hide this money away? When I was 40, I had no savings either and was living on an overdraft.
YABVU OP

OP you need to get to grip with your finances. Imagine if you had a DD who said she couldn't understand her banking so her partner had to have access. You can set up a Chase account in minutes or Starling or Plum and none send any paper statements. Don't buy premium bonds unless you have maxed out all other tax free savings (which you clearly haven't). Get your inheritance paid into one of these accounts and then set up an ISA. As you don't appear to be very finance savvy a cash ISA is probably safest for you. Plum have a very good rate on theirs and you can save £20k a year into your ISA and any interest is tax free. If you have any friends who understand banking better than you ask for help.

Entitlement, entitlement, entitlement!

You sound scared of him - are you? It's odd how you say "he WILL dictate" how it's spent as if you think you would have no choice in the matter. What would happen if you went for option 3 - told him you have it, told him what you were going to spend it on, and said no to whatever he tried to "dictate"? (I know you're not actually wanting to spend it on anything yet, but as a hypothetical?). Or do you really think that your only choices are to hide it or lose it? Because that's quite worrying.