To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Stop your dh from doing anything with your accounts.

I used to let my dh do whatever as we were married so, you know.

Now we are divorced I've discovered not only as he been opening accounts in my name and moving money left, right and centre he's also lost a huge amount of money. Pissed off doesn't cover it.

I see the usual suspects are all here on this Miserable Rainy Afternoon.

You're obviously right to think of using this small inheritance to protect yourself a little OP. This is domestic abuse that you're describing. Please have a look at coercive control and seek specialist support from your local domestic abuse organisation.

If he doesn't have access to your Monzo, have the money paid into that account and I would personally use it to buy premium bonds.

In a practical sense I think this is the best idea for someone not tech savvy re online banking . Open a bank account in a different bank, delete the app once it's all set up so it is not obvious on your phone and can't be seen.
A previous poster mentioned any joint debt etc or whether you really need the money as a couple and id think about this carefully before doing anything as once you've done it it will be hard to go back and introduce the money into your lives as it will be obvious it's come from another account in your name.

YABU. If your relationship is as rocky as you say it is, then you’ll have to declare any savings you have on your Form E if you divorce, and he may be awarded some of them anyway.

This is very dishonest and wrong. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if he did the same to you. Just the fact that you’re considering this tells me that the relationship is dead in the water.

Do not lie on the Form E. It's a legal document and you'll get into serious trouble.

If you can't trust him what's the point of being in a relationship with him,?

Keeping it separate and secret seems a really good idea. 6k is a good start to a nest egg.

The only two things I'd disagree with are that you are bad with money and your DH provides for you. It sounds just as likely that you are being asked by your DH to fund a lifestyle that is slightly beyond your individual income and that he doesn't particularly care if you are short of money halfway through the month. Your husband having thousands in savings and his choice of luxury while his wife has £23 to last a fortnight doesn't seem like he is providing for you.

And before other posters chime in with, well the op could have wasted all her money on xyz. Yes she could have done, but a loving husband who cared for his wife would, particularly if she were bad with money, have set up some system so the wife still had money at the end of the month. Or if it is exceptional that she has so much month left, the wife wouldn't be scared to ask for money which the husband has spare.

Also, really not worth it for the sake of 6k. We're not talking big money here.

I think it's deceitful not to tell your husband. How would you feel it he did this behind your back? You say you are bad with money, what do you mean? Do you pay fairly for mortgage/rent and bills etc ? You say your marriage is rocky, I know plenty of people who would describe their relationship in the same way.
If you don't tell him, there is a big chance he will find out and the deceit will ruin your marriage.

Option 1. This is your escape fund, should you need it, and you've already said your relationship is rocky. Every woman should have one.

Open a new account. You can do it online, it doesn't take long and put it in there.

This 👍🏽

If the op gets to the point of filling in a form E then she can do so honestly and has given no indication that she wouldn't.

The DH might get (if it is deemed a marital asset) some of whatever is left after the op has paid for deposit/first months rent/furniture but that is no reason to give all the money to her DH now. My understanding is that if the DH knows about the money then he will find something that it needs to be spent on (but which his savings don't need to be spent on) and the op will nolonger have any access to liquid assets and will continue to be trapped.

I have savings in a Chase account. It was all done on my phone.

No, this isn’t correct.
In UK law an inheritance is seen as a gift to an individual and not as an asset of the marriage. It is completely up to the OP if she wishes to tell her husband about it or allow him access to it.
I would open any account online to pay it into, then look at better options at her leisure.
moneysavingexpert.com is a good place to look for info.

Don’t stay with a man who would rage at you if he found money in your account

dont stay with a man who dictates how you spent joint ( or your own) money

not healthy or fun

He's said I'd be nothing without him before and couldn't live the life I do without him.
I'd leave him just in that remark alone

There are no tax consequences.

I would tell DH but assert that you wish to invest the money. He may help with that or you can take other advice.

Premium bonds, ISAs are good advice.

I'd encourage you to get up to speed with your finances.

He does keep money set aside behind her back, @GivingitToGod

Spare us the "deceitful" crap. She's an autonomous human who has a right to privacy; she is not chattel.

I agree. But hiding money isn't healthy either.

If you have separate accounts he should absolutely not be logging in to yours for anything. Do you not know how to do transfers? Get that stopped right away.
as others have said, an ISA or savings account - even use a different bank to your regular banking and hide the app on your phone if you’re worried he would kick off.

Think I would tell him. Let him put it towards your new house. Give it a while and start divorce proceedings. He would be entitled to half of your 6k, but you will also be entitled to all of his assets, which will be considerably more than 6k

Well, I could add to the recommendations of a Monzo/Starling ISA or premium bonds, but I can't quite get past your comments about 'the rage that would ensue if he sees money in there I've not told him about', the fact that he feels entitled to log into your bank accounts, and perhaps most of all 'He's always been annoyed that I've not made more money (like he originally thought I would when we first got married), and been able to contribute more.' and 'I feel like he views himself as my saviour. He's said I'd be nothing without him before and couldn't live the life I do without him.'

This is not a healthy relationship. He is not behaving like a good man – or a good dad – do you feel that either of you are modelling what good financial conduct in a relationship looks like for your children?

Oh don’t talk utter pish! 🙄

Her (D)H already squirrels thousands away in various crypto !! savings accounts and doesn’t share the info with his wife, therefore, he’s not entitled to be told of the OP’s small windfall.

OP, it’s never too late to learn about money and use this as your starting point.

Start reading some of the info on Martin Lewis. money saving website and learn to become savvy with your savings. Don’t rely on your DH to look out for you in the future as he’s clearly doing a shit job currently.

Start planning for your retirement as there’s nothing worse for women that get divorced by a shitty spouse when you’re in your 40’s/50’s and starting again. Not only do you have to house yourself but suddenly discovering there’s sod all for you to live on in old age because you’ve looked after the kids and your earning potential has taken a back seat, can be a horrible shock for many trusting spouses.

Edited…