To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Haven't RTFT, but I think it's essential that you have some savings in your own name and this amount is a good cushion to start with. As others have said, open an ISA account and let it earn some interest.

In your shoes, I'd get it transferred into the ISA and tell your DH in the next few weeks. Frame it that you realize that everyone needs to have savings, as he does, so this is your nest egg to build up for the future. I don't think he can argue with that as he knows it's true.

If he pushes you to spend it, say that once it's gone, how will you accumulate savings again? It's far better to let it grow and know that it's there if it's ever needed.

My advice may be irrelevant as I'm (only) 20 and am not married.
BUT my experience with boys and men tells me that I would NEVER tell a boyfriend or husband about money I'd inherited or won. Ime they'd either gobble it up or give me "advice" (=definite instructions) as to what to do with it, and the intention would be for them to gain financially from it.

Keep it to yourself. Open a separate account that he has NO knowledge of.

To transfer into your MONZO account you need the IBAN number, which is a version of your account number used for international transfers.
Link for Monzo IBAN information
I think it's perfectly reasonable to keep this money for yourself, you must have something to fall back on. Your husband has emergency money in his own name so you should have the same. I feel concerned that you feel that you can't tell him and still have control over the money. That's a red flag for me. If I told my husband he'd say that's nice they remembered you in their will, and that would be the end of the conversation. I could ask for his advice but he would not tell me what to do.
Put it into an ISA, preferably at least half into a fixed rate bond that you can't access, then he can't access it either.

Not seen rest of answers, but Zopa accounts are good. You can have ISA and/ or regular savings. All online. Quickest set up.

If you open another online account, surely he will see the new banking app on your phone. Also a risk if your phone is hacked or stolen. I've had an attempt on my online accounts. ISA sounds simpler.

oh purlease! 😂😂

Just because you’ve admitted that you are a financial fiasco, why is that a good reason for the OP to follow your lead? 😆

Hopefully, after reading a few posts on this thread, you’ve still got time to get your act together and sort yourself out. 🙏

If you want a simple current account that you can set up easily ( and also can set up savings accounts) then Chase is one you can set up entirely remotely. Then set up a cash ISA (Virgin ones can be set up online) and move the windfall in to that. No paper statements and don’t tell DH. Simple @bananapalmtree

Why does he need to access your own personal account? I’ll tell you why, because he's checking up on you. My DH has never had to access my personal account and vice versa for 25+ years. You need to change your bank login today and do not give him access.

It depends on how it is used and how far before divorce it is received

It can be classed as a matrimonial asset if used for housing etc.

OP - ensure this is classed as a gift and put aside - NOT used in shared matrimonial purchases (which I think is what your H would plan on using it for...)

Open an account in a completely different bank or building society.

ETA Sorry - didn't mean to quote the entire post.

Everybody should have a running away fund as far as I am concerned. He has access to lots of money that you don’t. This is not much money and makes a massive psychological difference to you. Not selfish in my view.
Your Monzo should allow international inward transfers - check your IBAN number. If you have one, it works. You should be able to see this on their portal. Otherwise I heartily recommend N26. I’ve basically moved all my accounts UK and otherwise over to them. You’ll be done before Wednesday. Good luck!

I can send you a recommendation link.

She said he has access to that account.

You can put the money in an account in your own name, but you need to be aware that if you do end up divorcing then you would have to declare the money and it would be taken into account in the financial settlement. Depending on what the figures are you may even be told to hand some of it over.

But if you’ve got concerns he would just spend through it before any divorce, it could still be a very sensible thing to do.

This.

But also.. if you have to take these steps to squirrel away your own money, then is there really a future to this relationship anyway?

Wise account is a possibility.

Rude and sarcastic response. The reason I lived on an overdraft was because I was a single parent working FT and paying for everything on my own. Saving wasn't an option for me. I'm not complaining about this; it's a statement of fact

Put it into a savings account in your name. If he's got savings etc that you don't have details about, he can hardly criticize you for doing the same. If he asks, then be truthful, provided he's prepared to be equally open.

I don't like the criticisms the OP is receiving on here. They're making me really uncomfortable because from what I'm reading, her husband is controlling about money and she's being regularly humiliated by her husband and made to feel 'lesser' and bad about herself over money. Just because she doesn't make the same money he does and her parents aren't giving them (him) money. Sounds like he's done a number on her self-esteem and would actually prefer she not have money of 'her own' so he can continue to make her feel like shit.

There's no evidence OP is 'bad' with money. That's her husband's control over her and his voice. What I see is a husband who is making OP live above her income, because he wants particular levels of comforts, and he's mad she's not subsidising it more. When she would be happier living more modestly.

OP, I would open an account quietly somewhere, have the money sent there, and not mention it.

This is not correct.

Inheritance is not automatically a marital asset in a divorce. To prevent it from going into the marital pot, OP should open a separate account in her own name to hold it and not use it for joint/family expenses. As she is planning to do.

If you were completely confident about your relationship I'd say tell DH. But you're not, and you sound as if you fear you might be pushed into using the money for something you're not happy about or which might make any future separation harder. As PP have said, you'd have to declare if you did separate but things would be clearer then.

For the moment, I'd put it in a new account if you can make this work in time, or else have it transferred into your existing account and out again asap. It's worrying that you have an agreement that he can log in to your account whenever he likes, and in fact it may break your contract with the bank if you have given him your login details. I'd put a stop to that whatever you decide to do about the inheritance. If you want him to help with setting a direct debit or whatever, you can log in and then hand over to him.

@bananapalmtree

So basically he 'hides' his money from you in that you do not know exactly what he has and where. And you have no access to look at what he has, whereas he has access to look at yours. So for all the posters who are accusing you of 'hiding money', I say sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Plus the fact that you feel he would expect you to do as 'instructed' with the money. Whether that is for a house downpayment (benefits you) or buying him a Rolex (benefits only him), you have a right to decide this for yourself, without pressure or 'punishment' if he acts up about it in any way.

But here's what I suggest. Go ahead and deposit that money into an account in your sole name in a different bank. If he doesn't know about your Monzo account then go ahead and have it put there to start with.

BUT, I think what you really need to do is think very carefully about your marriage in its totality and decide just whether or not you want to stay. Seek counseling if need be on this, and once you have decided you can make a more permanent plan for the money.

But I do think that every person needs their own 'nest egg', not just for someone in an unhappy marriage but also to be sure you always have access to money in the event of an emergency. I know of more than one person who was 'locked out' of joint accounts upon the death of their spouse. Yes, it all got figured out in the end, but it was so frightening for them thinking they wouldn't have money to pay the bills.

Completely agree.

Some posters are victim shaming the OP.

You mentioned you would also be furious if he was hiding money from you - but he clearly is. In crypto, and probably elsewhere. I think you need to find your fury, or at the least, find a way to gen yourself up, find your voice, and play a more equal role in what are family finances. Is he saving for your children? Do you have a pension? Can you ask for a full and frank and honest conversation about finances?
you do need to, even if sneakily, find out what is where. Men with his background are vey very good at looking after their own interests financially.
This is really your problem. Obviously keep the £6k and put it aside, but educate yourself, find a way of becoming more of a partner not a dependent, take back some control. You will then feel far more assertive and able to say - yes I have some Money, yes it’s ok that it’s in my name, and yes - I’m holding onto it. Just like he’s holding on to his 6 figure sums in crypto, or wherever else.

Have a little think yourself. OP is clearly in a controlling relationship. No DH gets to tell
me what I do with my money. Hers seems to think he does.

OP needs some financial security as he is not a safe bloke.

OP do you enjoy the luxuries of the lifestyle, or is trying to live up to it bringing you stress. It would be much healthier for your relationship if he could get on board with bringing the family lifestyle down closer to what you can afford on the lower income otherwise you will always feel indebted to him and will spend lots of money trying to keep up with it which isn't possible. It doesn't sound like you both are able to have a nice conversation about that though, so perhaps some couples councelling would help?