To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Starling is another good option for an online account. Very quick and easy to set up and send and receive money overseas. I've had issues when abroad and had a very good experience with their customer service.

So a woman who just came to the England and found some job but never had massive savings, meets a man who is good otherwise but marries and does not give her access to his banking but pays for all her outgoings is supposed to do? Is she being financially abused and if she still wants to live with him and now she has built amount let's say over 15 000 - what is she supposed to do?

Ahh yes that old chestnut.

This behaviour is apparently fine and has been for years whilst OP is benefitting from it but now all of a sudden it’s not acceptable and OP is owed something for putting up with his behaviour 🙄

I assume everyone telling her to be secretive with the money, are also telling her to leave.

And I assume that OP is planning to leave now she has this money because obviously her DH is so awful to her.

Please be aware that even online banks send a statement by post once a year, at least mine does, its a uk bank, 'Smile', which is part of the Co-oP bank. I'm sure I remember them saying it was law that theyhad to do that..

Every woman should have a secret stash separate from her partner/ husband, just in case.

Go into town armed with your passport, a utility bill or similar with your name on it, your driving licence or similar. Talk to an advisor in any bank and find out if there's a problem with you receiving money from abroad, then find a way around it. Tell them that you don't want paperwork from them: if necessary explain that you need to protect the money from your husband.

Make sure you have security passwords etc on your computer and phone and if necessary change them.

I'd put as much as possible in a Vanguard stocks and shares ISA (only allowed £20k pa so put in £20k now and another £20k in April) and £50k in Premium Bonds programmed to automatically reinvest. Both those investments are online, tax free and gains won't need to be declared. Anything more than that can be invested in stocks and shares, which can go up and down over the short term but tend to go up long-term. Good luck.

OP, you’re making this harder than it has to be.

Get it sent to your Monzo account. This will be fine.

Then open an ISA by looking at the MSE ‘best rates’ table.

Deal with the DH issue another time.

I agree with this. I also think it’s fair that both parties have at least some say in how an inheritance is spent.

You feel that he would force you to do something with the money that you don’t want to do, if he found out. You don’t have abhealthy marriage and I’m guessing you’re only with him because of your children and because you’re financially dependent on him. Don’t tell him about the money and when it comes in please go and see a solicitor about a divorce - it could be the best money you ever spend.

The big question here op is do you see yourself staying with this man? The answer to your financial conundrum will come easier if you're honest with yourself.

I can't say whether there is abuse in your relationship or not , but what I will say is that if I had 6k inheritance and told my husband that I wanted to hold it in my isa , he wouldn't argue with me. He has his own savings that I am aware of though and we are transparent with one another.

Don't put it in your existing Monzo account. If your dh checks previous Monzo bank statements (and I presume he can access online banking statements going back 6 months if not years), he will see the 6K entering the account and leaving it. He will question that and the game will be up.

Open a new bank account. You only need your passport and a utility bill with your name on it to do that.

Due to the urgency, can you set up an appointment with the branch of any bank or building society to ask how and what docs you need to open a bank account and go down to the bank to do it at one shot. Then make sure you request paperless statements. You still have to stalk the home post for a month to make sure that the bank does not send you any statements. They might send you paper correspondence initially as a security measure to test you gave a genuine residential address. I think most banks don't put their logo on the envelope but you should open all mail that is yours to ensure he does not intercept any mail from the bank.

Alternatively, ask whether the inheritance amount can be paid to you in a cheque. Hold onto the cheque until you have safely opened a bank account with paperless statements behind his back, then bank it in. If you don't have paper statements, you will have to manage it using online banking or the banking app. Does your dh check your mobile phone?

I have in the past opened accounts with two building societies (Leeds and Skipton) entirely online: because I'm more than 60 miles away from the nearest branch of either. They accepted photos of my passport and something like a council tax bill (by email) as ID.

I don't receive paper statements from either.

I set up an account with Starling online, was super easy, cant remember what I needed to provide but I had to record my voice and do it via video. Dont think I needed any proof of address. Only thing is that they send out a bank card, all of them will, so have a think about how your would explain that. The account will be instantly accessible whether you receive the card or not. Starling is also completely online and done via an app

And irrelevant of circumstances on MN it's normally always JOINT money when married.

If OP's dh manages the finances, does he have access to her existing banks accounts like Monzo via online banking or the app? If so, he can see all her account which she has set up with that bank because it will be linked to online banking/app.

if its coming from overseas you may be best to open a PayPal account. Our aussie relies send money there easily. Then at least you have it in a separate place and you can take a little more time researching cash ISAs to hide it away in.
He won't be suspicious of PayPal as lots of people have that for one reason or another.

Monzo and Marcus are both on line. I set them up quickly and easily.

Tbh the inheritance is so small I'm not sure id bother to hide it . Less than 6k is not worth the impending fall out if your OH finds out .

Open a cash ISA in your name but not with any bank that you currently use so that it does not appear when he logs into your OB.

Why is he logging into your online banking? Set up a separate savings account with a different bank. Takes minutes. As someone has said already look at Martin's Lewis Money Saving Expert there's a section on best savings accounts.

The poster is financially abused. She gives away all her money to her husband who < pays the bills > but not really. Her proportion leaves her with nothing and he has everything , including control over the rest of the pot.

I have never had shared banking with my husband but also I have never been forced to give away any of my money to him

Totally agree. Disgusting behaviour.

There is a difference keeping inheritance apart as opposed to having a sep saving account where you stash joint money especially when it comes to divorce. On here is not the right place to ask OP.

I have a KROO account I set up for inheritance from my Dad - it has always been separate to family finances.

Sounds like opening a separate bank account is the least of your issues here OP. Get rid of him ASAP - why does he feel the need to have surveillance on your personal account? The fact that you think he’d fly into a rage is a big red flag

This is a controlling relationship. You’re walking on eggshells around him.

I think you need to tell him but make it clear that as he has savings that are not joint so will you. If f he has cryptocurrency invested he shouldn’t mind you having six thousand pounds saved separately. But, imo,marriage is meant to be as open and honest as possible.