To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Only on here would a man who financially provides for his wife and family, as well as doing his share of the other bits, be a wanker eh😂

Whether he knows or not is irrelevant. The money is legally hers and hers alone.

The OPs husband doesn’t sound abusive though. Rather just a sensible man trying to manage the family finances with a wife who by her own admittance “isn’t good with money” and has ADHD.

The DH family has helped the OP to purchase the home she lived in and she gladly accepted their money. But now that she has money of her own she has no intention of contributing it to the marriage and wants to keep it. Despite the fact that she contributes significantly less financially to the marriage as it is.

Edit: Sorry I missed your update re Wise, Wise is a proper bank though? It's licenced, FCA regulated, nothing dodgy. Very strange of them.

No!

I agree with this.
Your marriage sounds awful tbh.

Are we reading the same thread?

Hes vile to her, speaks to her like shit and treats her like she's 6

I'd also say if your DH does a credit check it will appear as an associated account so just be aware.

Not necessarily
there are quite few variations in how a relationship can be alive or ok, partially alive according to your standards

How about Premium Bonds? You have the chance of more money via the monthly draw and the money is safe.

I wouldn’t tell him.
I inherited a small amount after my mum passed away a few years ago, and stupidly told my ‘D’H.
He spent the next 6 months telling me how selfish I was for not paying his monthly child support for him as suddenly he couldn’t afford it.

Don't use Revolt, it has l high fraud issues (competitively). Monzo the same but better in that sense.

Chase and Wealthify both fully app based and very easy to set up.

I agree with this

This is not good ..bless you op
You shouldn't be this scared of him knowing you have some good news..
He's bringing you down ,not lifting you up .
I don't know you ,but I feel really sorry for your situation
I hope this money gives you your freedom x

I have transferred money from overseas to my Monzo account, no problem. Use that for now and then figure out next steps.

I completely see where you're coming from with this comment and I admit I have thought the same.

But at the end of the day I have zero savings. At the moment I currently have £23 in my account to last me the next 2 weeks.

Yes he has provided for me. But he has also made the choice to live a more 'extravagant' lifestyle than I could ever afford on my salary. But most of the luxuries are things he will not compromise on in order to save money and lesson the 'financial burden' on himself.

At the end of the day, he's got access to all of his accounts and his own business. He has money in crypto accounts and the ability and financial knowledge to be able to invest and hide money if we did separate. I do not know what he has in his accounts and what he may have access to.

I have no savings. I do not feel comfortable with that. I would like to keep the money and chose what it is spent on, and not have the way I use it dictated or held against me. Im worried he will feel entitled to it. I would rather have it in long term savings, or have the choice on how it is spent. Whether that's to put towards something together like a new home, a holiday, or something for myself, or at the worst put towards lawyers fees if we split.

If you divorce would you be prepared to lie on the financial disclosure paperwork. I wouldn't be able to but maybe you could.

Have you anyone in your family you could trust. If so could you organise a deed of variation so that someone else gets your money. They could then give it to you once you have divorced your husband.

An ISA savings account solely in your name can only be accessed by the named person.
Or an investment fund (speak to a financial advisor) and it is completely separate and locked away. It’s also separate from your main bank account.

@bananapalmtree - As others have said, you can open an online savings account in your own name and it will be available very quickly for a deposit to be made. Choose a different bank ( so that DH can't see it if he logs into the bank account you already have and once you have the details, your inheritance can be paid in there. Don't worry right now about the best place to save the money, but apply for an account online today. Make sure you ask for online statements and messages from your bank. If DH can also access your email accounts, get a new email address ( Google is easy to set up and if you already have a google account you can still get another google email address. Just don't tell him that email address either and use that email address solely for the new bank account).

What a woman is supposed to be doing if she never had massive savings and married a man who never shared his banking with her but she never lacked basics, luxuries and spending money?

What this woman is supposed to do now if she restarted work and clearly, she does not owe sharing her banking with the man who never did with her to start with?

The finger-waggers need to read the OPs posts.

He insults her, shames her, calls her a freeloader and hides his own assets from her, in addition to the repugnant snooping.

Set up a Starling account. Super easy all online. You’d just need to stop him seeing the physical card being delivered

This

I think you are BVU to hide this money from him.

He makes 3x as much as you so pays the majority of the bills.

You’d be annoyed if he did the same with his inheritance.

His parents have gifted you both money.

He (and his family) have provided a lot for your lifestyle, yet you have provided barely anything.

And now you have money you don’t want to share it?!

You would literally be on your arse if it wasn’t for this man paying everything for you.

You are one of the most selfish people I’ve ever heard about.

I’m guessing this is a reverse too but you wouldn’t post as a man knowing you would get very different advice.

It’s 6k a small amount of money and a safety net for OP, who has no access to any other joint assets.