To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

What is your question exactly OP?

You have a Monzo and a Revolut account that he has access to, so just transfer the money there. Then take your time to research savings accounts or buy premium bonds.

You don't trust him and fear he'll bully you into doing what he wants, so I'd say don't tell him, put it somewhere safe and consider if this is the life you want - maybe this windfall is what you need to get free from him

Change the log in to your account.
If you don’t have access to his account then it’s perfectly ok not to give him access to yours.
And start learning about finances, it’s an important life skill.

This^

I think you need to stop giving him access to your accounts. If you need his help to do banking stuff he can walk you through it. He does NOT need access to your account and it’s probably best not to keep allowing it.

Oh, and don’t tell him about the money!

Revolut can be set up online, also why do you allow him access to your personal bank when you have no clue about his or if he has savings?
You can say no to him

Agreed.

Also, just imagine this thread if the roles were reversed and a man wanted to keep money off limits and invisible from his wife. The usual loons would be out with their ‘financial abuse’ placards in a shot.
It’s good to see the hypocrisy in real life though. And in text in a forum is handy, preserves the conversational advice rather nicely.

But her H would see it if he ever logged in to her account.

She needs to set it up with a separate bank.

Put it away and then tell him once it’s in an ISA and can’t be touched.

set up an isa at a different bank, look at MSE you can get the best rates, that way it won't show when you log into your current account.

Open an account in your name only in a new bank. I'm happily married but have a fund should I need it. When I first started work a woman said to me always have a stash incase you need to get away 🤣.
Just a word of warning, should you divorce all money in your name or joint names are seen as assets.

It's a no brainer. Open a savings account in your name and put the money in there and don't tell him about it. Done.

OP's husband could find out about other accounts if he ran a credit search on her. It needs to be an account that doesn't report to the credit reference agencies. Not sure if NS&I does.

Marriage is a partnership built on trust and if you’re genuinely contemplating not telling him then your marriage is doomed.

Her dh is keeping money off limits and invisible from the op.
So your point is not valid.

I can recommend a cash ISA with Moneyfarm, very easy to set up.

Do not put it into any account he can see or access!

Try Vanguard online for a money market or ISA. Very easy to open and low fee.

I think it is extremely deceitful. The fact you are considering it might need to be used as a get out fund probably means you should get out now if you're resorting to hiding money and have doubts about the relationship.

Don't let him access your sole accounts.

You need a joint account to set up direct debits and transfers from that are to do with your house or joint finance stuff. Then both you and him transfer from your sole accounts into this joint one.

This also makes it much clearer what you are spending on as all mortgage, gas , water , council tax , food etc comes out the same account.

Your PIL gave you and DH money towards house etc , very nice of them. Some people will do this while they are alive and provided it isn't Deprivation of Assets or a situation where you get embroiled in "Is it a gift or a loan" then fair enough .

Does your DH know that you are likely to receive this money ? Will he know enough about the person to know they are able to give you this money ?

OP,
just open an online ISA with a completely different bank, it’s very easy, you already have online accounts so they shouldn’t need any more ID from you.
keep the access to this account and your phone, using fingerprint or Face ID.
it’s your inheritance, not his. Do with it as you please. If he f8nds out or you tell him, you can say it’s a nest egg/pension pot for you. As I’m sure he has his own pension from his work. He does not need access to it.

But for now just set up any account for the money to go into and then worry about the best interest at a later date.

But I do think it's worrying you don't want your husband to know
Both my husband and I have received inheritances and they have been ours. We know what the other has received and we have each chosen to spend partially on joint house related projects, but there is no coercion

Utter nonsense. So tired of this mindless guilting bullshit attitude.

There are very good reasons that long-established inheritance laws allow for keeping inheritance separate from marital property.

Just because one is married doesn't mean one loses all autonomy and privacy. One is still a separate human being with the right to safeguard oneself.

Partnership =/= fully subject to what the other person demands, nor does it mean no right to private property

So many people on this thread not reading all op's posts. She is married to a man who regularly accesses her accounts so he can monitor her spending. That's financial abuse. He does it under the guise of 'you're not very good with money' that's emotional abuse.