To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Yeah but that’s because a lot of the time men leave their partner and often their children in the shit.

A gazillion threads on here about men giving up work, hiding (self-employed) funds, demanding 50-50 custody to avoid paying maintenance and other shady behaviours.

So it’s not really the same.

Set up an online account (I'd recommend Starling). You will need a personal email address and passport etc.
The only chance of any tax issues is if you earn over £1k per annum interest.

Just find out the IBAN number for your Revolut account and get the funds transferred to it. You can find the IBAN in Home/Details/International (in the app)

I thought if you were married half would be his anyway if you split. Am I wrong?

I agree with PPs - if you have to hide money, the relationship is doomed anyway.

I'd be interested to know why the relationship is rocky. Is it because you're crap with money, OP?

@Purpleturtle46 the rules about the division of inheritance are more complex. Once it goes into a joint account or is used for a joint purpose then it would be split.

I have monzo and I had a problem, it took me 5 minutes to get through on the phone to a genuine advisor. She sorted the problem via WhatsApp and was completely sorted. I get my wages paid in (not sure on overseas transfers, but very easy to use abroad if ever needed)
you can always use the savings account part of it, it only has a small percentage but easy to access!

I would just come clean. Given you have totally split finances - It’s your money, and if he tries to ‘take it’ then let that be the source of any dispute. If you have split finances, it’s ok to say you’d like to have a rainy day fund set up for yourself - I’m sure he has one.

But also, how equal are your contributions to things? You mention he’s good with money, so I assume this isn’t a marriage where you’re essentially completely funding him. Otherwise I might feel differently.

If you split it will be factored into the divorce which will look at all assets. Which is the proper outcome.

Or, is she being told she's crap with money?

You might consider a building society eg the Skipton. You can have an account with them filling in online but also do it through the post and contact with them by telephone which might be more ''hidden'' as they don't contact often. They have range of savings such as 1, 2 or 3 year Bonds which would lock the money away. Also instant access Saving Accounts etc. They are well rated on Trust Pilot (unlike some banks - which can have terrible reviews!).

She'd still need a bank account to put the money in before buying premium bonds

Yep,

To address a few points:

• The inheritance is very small. Less than £6k.

• I do have a Monzo account that is my own. I transfer a small portion from my salary each month into there and use it as my spending money so he can't monitor and criticise how I spend my own money.

• Yes I agree that if a man posted the same he'd be ripped to shreds. And of course if my DH hid money from me I'd be annoyed. But the fact is I have no idea what his finances are like, how much savings he may have etc. Only he has access to his accounts and I have no idea how much is in them or how many there might be. I do know he's got between £15k-£20k in various crypto accounts because he was looking at them on his phone and I was watching him when he didn't think I was. (he knows I know he's got money in crypto but no idea how much. At first I thought it was a few £k, but certainly not what he's got). My point is, he's got access to my accounts and can be quite opinionated on how / what I spend on.

• DH's parents have been very generous over the years and have gifted us money to put towards our current house. That was lovely and very appreciated, but it was their choice (although I have a feeling influenced by DH). DH is annoyed that my parents have more assets (mainly physical) and have not done the same. It's their money and they can do what they'd like with it! I feel that because DH'a parents have given us money for the house, he would expect that the money I've inherited then be put towards a new house we're currently trying to buy.

• We are currently trying to move. We can afford the down payment on a house already, so the money I've inherited would not really compromise that. If I felt that it could be put towards a house we would not be able to afford without it, then of course I would consider that. But I would like to be able to offer it to be used that way. Not assumed and dictated by DH.

• DH runs his own business and makes a considerable amount more than I do. At least 3 times. So he pays for the majority of our bills and the children's activities etc. He's always been annoyed that I've not made more money (like he originally thought I would when we first got married), and been able to contribute more.

• As mentioned, I don't really have any savings to fall back on. I'm not great with money and my salary hasn't allowed me to save over the years after paying my portion of the mortgage and bills. I'm not comfortable being 40+ years old and having almost zero life savings to fall back on if I need to.

Is the transfer coming in a different currency? Open a Wise account, you will need to provide ID and proof of address, but this is all done online. The money can be sent to your Wise account and you can then hold it or convert to GBP and transfer it to a current account. I opened an account with Chase recently and it took under 5 minutes.

We've no way of knowing if he is 'good with money' and she's rubbish - so many women on here have been told they're rubbish with money for so long by their partners that they start to believe it. We have no idea of the rest of their financial situation, or her confidence levels (they seem low, given she's not sure she even knows how to open a bank account)

As it's inheritance, and she has concerns about whether she'd be able to stop him from just using it as he wished, and she sounds a bit scared of him, I think it's sensible to keep it separate and secret for now.

Yes, how would you feel if he did this OP?

Except that’s NOT what OP has said about this man. You’re saying yourself there that hiding funds is shady behaviour… and yet think it’s fine for a woman to do it, you don’t see the irony there?

If you're planning to buy a new house wouldn't this new account show up in your credit file? (I don't know, just thinking back to when I had to provide one for my mortgage and it listed all my accounts).

Obviously he'd find out about it then...

I disagree. My partner of 25 years agrees he's hopeless with money - holes in his pockets and if you've got some then it's to be spent. He knows I have savings invested (again, from an inheritance) but has no idea how much and has never asked. He knows I use the interest to plump up my living expenses but neither of us has ever felt the need to be more open about what and where.

I'd tell him that you've inherited money and that you're tying it up in a fixed-rate savings account or ISA (depends on the amount) but are not going to touch it as it's rainy day money. If he pushes for an amount turn it into a joke - but I won't know if you're only after my millions then!! Emphasise the fact it won't be easily accessible.

And yes the bank account will show up on her credit file

How much is it, 3,4 or 5-figure?
(Small means different things to different people).

If you keep it separate to marital assets then it maybe be payable to ring fence it in the event of a divorce. Given your comments this would be sensible.

It is very easy to set up a new bank account, I'd suggest you go online and do this now anyway.
The money can go directly into the new account and from there you can look at where to save or invest it, depending on how much it is.

The fact that you say your DH would be in a rage, and insist you do things, with the funds would make keeping it in your own name a no-brainer to me.

Separately, you need to think about the future of your marriage.

You can open a Revolut account or Wise account online just using an app fairly.much immediately. Both come with a bank account that can accept deposits. Neither are a good long term savings but at least you've got the cash somewhere whilst you work out what to say about DH

Agree .If inheritance is kept in a separate account and not the joint account it is not considered part of the marital pot .
I have mine in a separate account which my husband is aware of but I have full control over how the money has been used.

Nope. Too many “he’s a great dad” men who are happy to shaft their families. I’ve told my DD to always make sure she has an emergency fund and my DS to not be upset if his partner wants an emergency fund. Sadly we do not live in an equitable society and I would never judge any woman for having such a fund.