To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

I have a feeling this is not so much about the money but more about the state of your marriage. Someone who feels safe, secure and have no thoughts of leaving their partner has no need to hide money. Someone who has thought about leaving however does consider how they would manage financially if they left.
it’s also concerning that you feel your husband would dictate to you what to do with the money and you would not be able to come to a compromise where you would both be happy. I wonder if your husband came into inheritance right now would he hide it from you? Or consult you on how it was spent? If you feel you would have no say on his inheritance then go ahead and keep it a secret as it will ultimately be used to leave him…but that’s me reading between the lines. This may not be your reality but I could not comprehend not telling my husband as we are a team and money is not his or mine it is ours.

I’ve only read the OP’s replies after the first page, so I’m not sure how many other people have suggested Premium Bonds. This could be a good option as you can inherit PBs, and you should win small a few times a year. You might also win big, which could be life changing (marital asset, but half of a lot is still quite a lot).

Any winnings can be transferred into a bank account directly - probably the one you opened to receive the funds and then kept empty as a “presents” account to replace the somewhat unacceptable one.

I’d have no qualms about doing this - or any of the other options PP have suggested. The DH’s behaviour is verging on financial abuse (I am being charitable) so OP should not squander her opportunity to feel a bit more secure should she need to escape.

Yep!!

And considering there was a thread almost identical to this a few weeks ago but the sexes were swapped and it was his wife making the large salary and her family giving them money for deposits etc and he wanted to hide his small inheritance.

It seems strangely similar.

But I guess it doesn’t matter if this is actually a man, as I’m sure all of these posters telling OP to hide the money, would give the exact same advice to a man.

If OP is scared of his rage, why is she planning to move to a new house with him? Surely she should be thinking about leaving him. She admits she is useless with money, maybe that is why he is keeping money separate, although both of you should feel able to talk about what savings you have. You are married, these savings are a marital asset in most circumstances

After reading through your replies I think you are out of order to keep the money secret.
you said he has financially provided for you your whole relationship, if I was him I’d be seriously pissed off that you could have lightened the load on him and you decided not too.
by all means keep some for yourself but your plotting and scheming is out of order

Plotting and scheming? Grow the fuck up. This amount would not "lighten the load on him" in any significant way but it's a good emergency fund for OP and it sounds like she might need one.

OP, he bullies you about money, it's not acceptable.

Exactly this!!

If this relationship is so bad, then I don’t understand why she’s not using it to leave and I don’t understand why so many posters aren’t advising her to leave.

Why would you buy a house with someone who’s controlling and you’re scared of.

Because they control you and you're scared of them? 🤔

‘Grow the fuck up’
what a lovely literate person you are. I won’t respond to any further messages from you. You can’t argue with stupid.

Telling someone to grow the fuck up because they’re calling it how it is and not just jumping on the band wagon and copying the other replies; is literally the most childish thing you can do.

It’s funny because you can tell when someone has no valid argument because they start getting petty and immature.

If he is abusive op and you want to leave use your money to do so. But if you stay then you should tell him about it

If I thought he was being subject to financial abuse after having done 90% of the childcare and wife-work for years, then yes I would.

Yes, it is always this simple.

You seem to be all about the urgency @bananapalmtree - you're looking for a bank account which can be set up and able to accept an o/s bank transfer in two working days, and be untraceable to others, most specifically your DH.

I'm assuming that this is an inheritance from one of your family members, it's the only way I can assume that there is less likelihood that your DH will not be aware of the circs you've come to inherit. More importantly, is he not likely to hear from others?

Set up a Monzo account. Quick and easy.

I’m not sure how this works but if you’re married are you not joined on credit files etc? So would he not see it anyway? Or am I mistaken

TomorrowTodayYesterday To let you and others who seem outraged by my suggestion to OP. If I had had access to money I would not have had to stay in an financially and mentally abusive relationship and have to cope with marital rape.

Why are you wanting to hide this money? If you are thinking it will be protected in the event if a divorce - it won't.

Spot on

She could spend it on rent for a new place though.

I personally would go with tide. I have had really difficult time woth monzo withholding funds every now and then. Then needing to answer questions while you worry.

Tide is easy and they are really quick with online queries on chat.

Yes open an account in your name (starling, Monzo and Revolut all very quick and simple, and insured up to £80,000). Don’t tell him about the account. Don’t tell him about the money. X

@bananapalmtree this - a new account with a different bank. Otherwise it will show up in your list of accounts when your partner next logs in and your cover and your inheritance savings will be discovered and spent.

Also OP has said that he would want her to put it towards their new house.

So in the event of a divorce she would get the money back anyway (and considerably more thanks to his and his parents contributions).

Not sure why so many posters are telling her to put in in a separate account instead of using it to get away from him, in which case it would be better in her parents account.

In this case, the other spouse clearly has assets to meet his own financial needs, including the 15-20k in hidden crypto accounts and whatever else he is hiding from her.

OP is going to find it difficult to get legal advice on her specific circumstances from a divorce lawyer because he is hiding his assets from her.

In the meantime, the safest way to preserve her legal position in a divorce is to to keep her inheritance in a separate account in her name and not use it jointly/for the benefit of the family.

Linking to this again:

https://www.taylor-rose.co.uk/posts/inheritance-divorce-finances