To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Just to add, I also don't like the way you're describing your DH's attitude towards money. If I or my DH ever inherit some money, I know that neither of us will push the beneficiary into spending it. We may make some suggestions, but ultimately it would be up to them how it was used.

Do this but set up a separate account to have the winnings paid into, not your original account.

I think it is a bit ridiculous of others to complain that you have the attitude that "what's his is yours and what's yours is yours" when you have already said you have evidence that he has savings of 15-20K in accounts you cannot access and that he doesn't know you know about, because you only know about this account because you happened to be paying attention when he was accessing it on his phone. If it's ok for him to have this (or these) (secret) account(s) with thousands of dollars of savings in only his name, then it's absolutely fine for you to do the same.

Assuming the OP is in England and Wales (sorry should have made that assumption clear), inheritance that you receive during the period of marriage isn’t necessarily excluded particularly where the needs of the other spouse have to be taken into account (ie. Is there anything else with which to meet his financial needs).

OP would need legal advice on her specific circumstance.

To be clear, as I said, I think she should do exactly as she plans. But she just needs her eyes open about the fact that won’t 100pc safeguard the money.

Savings accounts usually require the money to.come from a UK bank account - it would be easier to open accounts with your own bank I guess as they already have your kyc.

I opened a Starling account online within minutes and have never had any physical correspondence from them other than getting the debit card. Nobody would even know I had the account as everything is done through the app (unless I told them).

I have a Kroo bank account. Their interest rate is not bad and it is all accessed online.

A lot of people are ignoring the fact that the OP is terrible with money and knows nothing about banking. When one person is like that the other person needs to take on the responsibility of that side of things. That is why he has access to her account. That is why he "controls" the money. That is why they have the lifestyle they have. That is why he has savings. By all means the OP could keep her money and do whatever she wants with it, but he won't be unreasonable to be upset and even more resentful if he finds out.

OP, I suggest you only do this if you are planning on seperating, because if he finds out, it's pretty much the end of your marriage anyway.

same with me i need some savings so id keep it secret if it was me getting the inheritance

Hmmm, it all sounds far from ideal and you are the only one who’s knows the full situation. Yes, it’s a nice sum but potentially very quickly swallowed by expenses and lawyers if everything goes up in smoke because he has found out.
Is the sum enough for it to be worth that risk and how great is that risk? It might be wiser to tell him about it, aim at getting it invested wisely for everyone’s future and then to look carefully at strategies for getting your earnings up and yourself on a more secure financial footing in your own right. Then you are in a stronger position all round which is never a bad thing.

OP's DH is overbearing and controlling, and he uses his greater wealth and earning power to do this. He has personal savings accounts that OP can't access.

OP wants to open one savings account with her £6000 inheritance, I assume to give herself a safety net.

You must be new to Mumsnet or just lying when you say that OP is the most selfish person you have ever heard about.

Everyone should have an “escape fund”. Set up an online ISA. No one needs to know.

Imagine a man posting here who is largely funded by his wife's salary and who doesn't contribute that much. Add in money from the wife's family for the home etc and once the dude comes into money, he wants to hide it from the wife. He would be called a crock lodger and things which are a lot worse. Just saying.

Maybe take the money as a deposit for a flat and move out?

technically it's a marital asset!

Yikes - the double standard on here is astounding. OP - your marriage is dead, take the inheritance and set up elsewhere, don’t hide stuff like this. If this was a man posting - he would be absolutely taken apart.

@elfshenanigans I still think it would be fine for him to set up a personal savings account though, because everyone needs a financial cushion just in case.

This isn't enough money to transform their lifestyle, it's enough to create an interest-generating cushion. Unless there's something that the OP hasn't mentioned, such as debt that needs paying off.

First Direct is an easy online bank, you can upload your proof of address, ID etc. Request online only for statements etc, and the only thing to watch for will be the debit card. You might be able to say you're having problems with the post deliveries to your address, and ask if you can pick it up at a branch of HSBC, their parent company.

I wholly agree with @bananapalmtree keeping this small legacy separate and concealing if from her husband as he sounds very controlling. It's very very concerning that OP says: as I've already mentioned, DH occasionally accesses that account. I can only imagine the rage that would ensue if he sees money in there I've not told him about.

Rage is not good! Nor should it have to be tolerated, sounds like OP really needs to start making secret arrangements to get out before he turns even more controlling and abusive. After all, he could take his hidden funds and leave at any time, or push her and DC out.

@bananapalmtree , are you scared of your husband?
I can only imagine the rage that would ensue if he sees money in there I've not told him about. - when he is hiding money from you. This is rank hypocrisy.
DH is annoyed that my parents have more assets (mainly physical) and have not done the same.

As @thepariscrimefiles says, 'OP's DH is overbearing and controlling, and he uses his greater wealth and earning power to do this. He has personal savings accounts that OP can't access.'

This is not a healthy, equitable relationship. OP, in your shoes I would open an account (probably an ISA) at another bank ASAP and put the money there. I would then see a lawyer.

ETA, everyone saying that a man in the situation would be called a cocklodger etc is missing the key point that OP's husband is a hypocritical, controlling arse who uses 'rage' to keep OP doing what he wants, and who uses her parents' actions (not giving them ££) as a stick to beat her with.

Coercive control is a real thing and it is fucking unpleasant.

I agree TBH

But, this is MN where a woman who hides money is sensible, but a man who hides money is abusive

I think that (if possible) all women should have sufficient funds in their own name to support themselves should the need arise, but it shouldn't be in a secret account

Christ really?! Premium bonds! It’s big enough to be a potential house deposit. What a waste. There are funds / ISAs you could get 20% return on

Wherever it goes, stick it somewhere inaccessible so it can’t be easily drawn upon

as for telling him or not, guess it depends on how much:

• you trust him and see longevity in your relationship (personally I think having some hidden safety money is important)
• Feel he might subject you to pressure to didn’t it as he he would want

@NeedToChangeName
But, this is MN where a woman who hides money is sensible, but a man who hides money is abusive
Have you missed the bit about how the man is already hiding money from the woman? Who is scared of his 'rage'?

I’ve got a Monzo account and if you go their Help section there’s lots of info about international payments so you should be fine. Hope you get it sorted.

Longer term, can you change your log in details so your DH can’t access your normal current account? He really shouldn’t be able to, why has he got access?

Also, have a look at some of the threads about dividing out household finances equitably. It doesn’t seem right that you’ve said this:
‘I'm not great with money and my salary hasn't allowed me to save over the years after paying my portion of the mortgage and bills.’

What is your portion? If your portion isn’t allowing you to save then it’s not a fair portion. If he earns a lot more than you then he should be paying more of the mortgage etc. In an ideal world, obviously!

Good luck with it all.

Ok so are you advising OP to leave then?

Because most people who are trapped in a controlling relationship would take the £6k and run.

It’s surprising to me that this wasn’t OPs first thought and why the thread isn’t full of people telling her to use it and start a new life for herself.

It’s almost as if people are using the reasons that he’s overbearing and controlling as excuses for keeping the money secret.

Having read all your posts I think you should definitely open a new bank account for this money. Chase are offering an excellent rate of interest but the only issue is they will post a card to your account ( though it isn’t labelled chase or anything on the envelope)