To think I’m not doing anything wrong

[Viserrisk]

Back to work on Monday after a lovely 2 weeks off! I’m currently reading a book (well I was before I came on here) with a glass of wine and left over Pringles from Christmas.

DH was out doing his hobby and he’s just come back home and asked me why I was drinking. I said I’m having a glass of wine, not exactly having shots rolling around everywhere. He said that I shouldn’t be drinking while looking after DC and that drinking alone in the house when it’s not Christmas anymore is “weird” DC1 is upstairs in their room and DC2 is sat on the floor playing.

AIBU?

Christmas and NY were recent events. OP has been off on holiday and looking at going back to work next week. She’s enjoying her time off by reading a book and finishing off a bottle of wine that’s been open, unfinished since Christmas. This doesn’t raise any concerns about alcohol consumption at all if you think about it logically. And if finding your partner in a similar isolated circumstance would spark concern about his alcohol consumption, then I think the problem is more to do with you.

We have a small glass of red wine most nights with dinner. At weekends we have a sherry before a Sunday roast. By your logic you probably consider us raving alcoholics. And the fact that she is in charge of children is irrelevant if DH took the family car to go to his hobby - if something had happened she would have had to call him or call an ambulance/taxi anyway. I bet this never crossed his mind, or that if he and OP both drink at home while they are in charge of their children, then he’s just as guilty of whatever he’s accusing OP of. It’s very concerning that so many people regard one afternoon glass of wine during a holiday from work as the slippery slope to alcoholism, and are supporting an overbearing DH who clearly hasn’t thought his words through before they were out of his mouth. It’s ridiculous.

By the same token, other people seem very determined that I'm wrong.

Really?!
The OP is having 1 glass of wine whilst her children are happily playing. She isn’t 3/4 way through a second bottle of tequila whilst her children play with matches in the garden 🤷🏼‍♀️

The thing is....we know.

Jesus. This is exhausting. I'm done. Better things to do!

I find it depressing that your husband told you it was weird to be drinking a glass of wine and reading a book. I'd be v attracted if I came home and saw my partner doing the same. How did you come to be a couple without this having been a thing before? Like surely wine and book activity has come up before. Was his activity sporty? I guess coming in all fresh and amped from a run energy meeting wine and book energy could have made him misjudge what he was seeing. Though that's being really generous...! I loved the second glass and lip smacking idea upthread.

To the whole risk taking thing, I sure hope everyone judging remembered to have a designated driver at their Christmas dinner.

You know that it is a risk? PP don't seem to agree with you.

What a strange thing to say! At what age are children no longer young enough to sit on the floor and play? My 11 year old was doing that the other day. Do I need to tell them they're too old for it?

But your children are at far greater risk purely because you have a car.

The OP is having one glass of wine. The chances are that her children won’t fall ill and need to be taken to hospital in that moment, so your perceived risk is purely hypothetical and is only relevant in the event the above should happen.

Whereas you are putting your children at risk every time you get into the car, because car accidents happen every day. So by your logic you probably shouldn’t have a car.

Because you are. You don't know how to calculate risk.

If his hobby is cycling then god help you. Tight Lycra does something to men's brains I think.

Enjoy your glass of wine and make sure you get a hobby so you can come back and judge something that he has or hasn't done.

FWIW I’m teetotal and I don’t drive. Ergo I am superior 😂

You are... The correct method of calculating risk has been explained, in detail, more than once, on this thread. You also applied a blanket risk to not owning a car and couldn't explain why someone who doesn't own a car but lives minutes from a hospital is creating more risk than a driver who lives much further away.
If your aim is to get every single poster to say there is risk in drinking a glass of wine, as many have already said, there is risk in literally everything we do so I would guess we all know that. It is MN, you'll never get posters unanimously agreeing with you.

I also feel like my head may explode if I see the word "risk" again anytime soon. 🥴

I've no idea how some of the people on here sleep at night if they catastrophize to this extent.l on a regular basis.

But how are you calculating this risk and weighing it up against other risk factors?

You can’t possibly say that OP having one drink and therefore needing to take her child to hospital in a taxi is riskier (even very slightly riskier) than her driving herself. What if OP being distracted with worry over her child impaired her driving ability? What if the child took a turn for the worse en route and needed assistance, which OP couldn’t give if driving? What if OP couldn’t find a parking space at the hospital and lost precious minutes looking for one? What if OP had to park some distance from the hospital and then get two children, one injured or sick, in to the hospital by herself?

It’s not sealioning to point out that your stance is totally illogical. You seem to think there is a completely factual basis for your assessment of OP’s behaviour as risky, but there isn’t. People can’t actually make completely accurate assessments of infinitesimally different risk profiles for their decisions. They can only use common sense to inform their decisions, and it’s very clearly common sense that having one glass of wine on a quiet afternoon while looking after two children who are both in good health is not risky behaviour.

How does anybody think single parents manage? Teetotal for 18 years??!

Cheers OP, I’ve just poured myself a drink

(fingers crossed my children don’t develop a serious illness in the next 30 minutes 🤞)

That's not at all how that works. There are no two identical scenarios, and you're not factoring in further risk. Even assuming two people, each with a car, same distance to hospital, one has a glass of wine.... You put the badly injured child in the back, and the other kid and drive off. Ms wino goes next door, leaves other kid with neighbour, gets neighbours partner to drive her to hospital. Your kid has a seizure, you're driving, you can't help. Hers does, she's there, she puts him the correct position, she can keep him safe....

Oops. You lose. Your risk was significantly higher than hers. Shame you didn't risk assess any further than a knee jerk judge about her having a glass of wine....

🤦‍♀️

Why do people always say this? 😂

You seeyn to be putting words in people's mouths. No one has claimed zero risk, only that the risk is so small as to be irrelevant. Unless your house is a deathtrap, I guess 😂

The most amazing thing to me is you actually had any wine left in the bottle after New Year Eve.
I really fancy a glass of something dry and cold myself now after reading this thread. 😎

You were daring to relax with a single glass of wine and a few Pringles. How very dare you!
Does your 'DH' have form for overreacting?
I might have understood his point if you were swigging from a bottle or snorting ground Pringles, but I think we can safely say the husband was being a bit of a plonker.

In 22 years of parenting and wine drinking I’ve never had to drive a child to hospital. Not a particularly likely scenario if they’re all well and one glass of wine won’t prevent this

I don’t really understand this.
i will caveat my post by saying that it is never ok to be in charge of children when all the adults are drunk and unable to be responsible. Obviously!

most (obviously not all) people as in all adults in a house with children (or without) will probably have had some kind of alcohol on Christmas Day.

That means that most households on that day all the adults (lots in charge of children) would have been both unable to drive and contain no adult who was completely alcohol free (even if it was only one glass with dinner)

obviously there will be households where people don’t drink but they are irrelevant to the thread in this context.

so why is that ok
**
but

its not ok for an adult at home in sole charge of children to have had one glass of wine on a different day while their partner has popped out for a while?

but it’s also ok for that same household on a for example a Saturday evening for BOTH parents to have some alcohol while watching Saturday evening tv and a takeaway.

I don’t get why some are ok in people’s perceptions but not others and people are actively judged for the ones that seemingly aren’t ok.