To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

And yet you decided to comment. I am not trolling. I am reiterating my comments which you think is a bad thing. If you think that is bad then explain why if not pipe down.

You used the word deranged which is mocking those with mental health issues. It is wrong to do so. Please stop.

It’s been 31 pages….

Remind yourself of this comment when some misogynist claims that women pundits and commentators are ruining football.

Yes, an ex lodger of mine. She couldn't believe that she'd managed a few dates with 'such a good looking man', so she stopped taking her pill after about 6 weeks. He was furious when she got pregnant, but was/is a gentle soul and they are still together 12 years later with another child.

Yes, I suspect my ex wife did, twice.

As I said, give it time. There are more than enough apologists for men out there don't worry. You'll see it, on this thread or another.

I understand you're disappointed in your friend but please don't break up with her. She confided in you - after 11 years, oh I know, but still she did reach out. She probably feels the need to set this score straight too? A good talk and telling her exactly what you told us here might help. Big hug, I know how you feel 😘

Doesn’t sound like he was using condoms and even if she told him she was on the pill. He was happy to take the risk as not protect himself and was therefore complicit in risking a pregnancy.

also she hasn’t taken money from him, he’s paid towards the child he created and didn’t try to personally prevent.

He has consented to sex with a very small chance of pregnancy, not a much higher risk.

I know it's hard to get your head round. But don't judge her to harshly. If she had fertility problems, she was probably worried she'd never have a baby. How many men do you know who shag everything that's not nailed down, do not support any of their pregnant partners financially or physically. It's not ideal, but I know lots of women who really just wanted a baby, or were just trying to patch up their marriage etc. Both of my 16 year old nieces just wanted babies. There was no stopping them. Right or wrong, the need is sometimes so mentally deep, you can't stop the urge, and just go with what consequences lay ahead. Regards.

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@RareTraybake

How many men do you know who shag everything that's not nailed down

Pretty much all my male friends during their 20's

do not support any of their pregnant partners financially or physically.

I don't know any men that don't support their families. My friendship group hasn't really changed since my 20's.

It's not ideal, but I know lots of women who really just wanted a baby, or were just trying to patch up their marriage etc.

Having sex without informed consent is 'not ideal'... 🙄

So long as the woman gets what she wants, then that's all that matters. Can you not see how bad that is?

Both of my 16 year old nieces just wanted babies. There was no stopping them. Right or wrong, the need is sometimes so mentally deep, you can't stop the urge, and just go with what consequences lay ahead.

Let's hope that 16 year old boys are better at 'stopping the urge' to have non-consensual sex.

It's not ideal, but I know lots of women who really just wanted a baby,
so find a man who is willing to have a baby with you

or were just trying to patch up their marriage
Yes because introducing a human baby into a rocky relationship is really going to make things better! Because everyone always talks about how wonderful the first few months are for a relationship!

There is NO valid reason for anyone to do this! @RareTraybake

It’s been 32 pages….

It’s weird that that commentator thinks people who draw moral equivalences between the theft of consent involving stealing and the theft of consent involving lying about contraception usage must be men.

It shows a very limited way of thinking.

I cannot believe we are referring to theft of consent as “not ideal”….

JESUS!!!

Consent classes in schools and universities clearly aren’t doing much of a good job.

Right or wrong, the need is sometimes so mentally deep, you can't stop the urge, and just go with what consequences lay ahead.

I honestly think this a disgusting outlook. You need to be very careful with this type of phrasing. If a man said "my urge to have sex was so mentally deep, I just went ahead and did it. I couldnt stop the urge"....

I suspect there is something very wrong with a 16 year old who believes she wants a baby or that a baby will solve her problems. It may be legal at 16 but they are essentially children themselves and need protecting from themselves.
As fo the boys involved. They have had fatherhood thrust upon them, potentially their education halted and 20 years of child support.

It didn't occur to you to take responsibility for your own contraception after the first time?

Right or wrong, the need is sometimes so mentally deep, you can't stop the urge, and just go with what consequences lay ahead.

I am sure this is how rapists rationalise their actions.

@JHound

Someone said to you:

So you could go through a whole pregnancy and hand the child over without a second thought?

And you said:

Women do everyday. That’s what adoption is (and even baby abandonment).

As someone adopted, what a fuckong horrible thing to say. You think birth mothers who choose to have their babies adopted do so without a second thought? What a ridiculous and offensive notion. The number who do so is so small as to be almost entirely irrelevant.

This thread is going in circles

Stealthing is a terrible thing to do

Lying about being on contraception in order to get pregnant is terrible.

Accidents do happen, but you should be able to trust your partner in a long term relationship

Well said! The End!! 😅

For teen boys they should be protecting themselves against diseases and pregnancy so there should be little to no risk if they are using protection. Shocking in this day that we still only think about pregnancy when it comes to sex when STIs still spread rapidly. Condoms should always be worn.

However, in light of a 16 year old trapping a teenage boy is not common. Most teen pregnancies are by adult men. 80% are by adult men. There are significantly more teen mums than teen dads so this would likely occur by adults having sex with children through grooming. Society turns a blind eye to that - hence they grooming gang scandal.