To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

I actually think the legal definition of rape involves the word ‘penis’ but happy to be proven wrong.

And there are very clear parameters in law which define what ‘consent’ means’s. For example, a child cannot consent. A person in a lower power (such as a pupil with a teacher even if they’re over 16) cannot consent. “Saying she was on the pill when she wasn’t” is not a parameter. Removing a condom in secret is, because that’s an adult on the body, and can have catastrophic results on a woman’s body.

Coupled with the other evidence means it triangulates and gives a bigger picture. Physical evidence can show that rape took place.

Agreed. 10 years ago nobody would have ever come on and said dumbarse things like “My friend tricked her husband into having a baby because she got him excited in the bath” or “my friend tricked her husband because she forgot to remind him to use a condom”.

Yep rape is penetration with a penis without consent - orally, anally or vaginally.

Assault by penetration is using other implements.

It’s actually about one third happen in the home.

Which makes it even harder to report.

You do come across like you think it’s easy for women to report rape because “hey look we have a crime scene and DNA, easy peasy”. If it’s so easy to prove rape how come only 1% result in conviction?

Definition 1 = The legal definition.

Definition 2 covers the deliberate deceit of a partner into having sex they haven't consented to - i.e. unprotected sex.

Yes. If the other evidence exists. Which it might not. My friend woke up to find her then BF having sex with her in their bed. What other evidence was there?

”She told me she was on the pill but I don’t think she was” does not fall within that definition. HTH.

I would not want to have a child with someone who was not prepared to make some sort of prior commitment to me.

But that's not what we're talking about is it?

This thread is about women that have deliberately lied about their contraception in order to trick their partners into having unprotected sex that they haven't consented to.

HTH (but you're clearly beyond help).

Except the likelihood of the pill 'failing' when taken properly is absolutely miniscule. So I assume by 'if one method fails' you actually mean 'if one partner lies to the other about taking protection'. And yes, in that case, a man should always wear a condom. Sadly, these women seem to be pretty adept at lying...

Yes, a postgraduate student from Germany who wanted her German boyfriend to marry her. It worked.

@namechangetheworld the failure rate of the pill with typical usage is 7%.

Given that 7 in 100 women DO get pregnant on it, if a man is THAT adamant he absolutely does not want a child, why would he risk it? Why not use a condom?

Because it doesn't feel nice and his dick is too big for condoms (two of the most common excuses) doesn't count.

This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 the 👏 point!!!!

This point is a couple mutually agree and consent to one form of contraception. One person removes that form of contraception unbeknownst to the other person in order to get pregnant. The moment that happens, the original agreement is gone, out the window, doesn't exist! It's a lie, it's fraud, it's disgusting. Deciding that's the best way to make a baby is some fucked up thinking!!

The NHS say that it's 99% effective.

https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/combined-pill/what-is-it/

51% of women wake up with someone raping or sexually assaulting them.
And that is just that one situation.

I've never once said it is easy to report rape. It took me a year to report rape and I had a confession. My friend was stabbed and had her throat slit when she reported being raped. I would never report again as my rapist has threatened to kill me for reporting so your comments are disgusting and inappropriate. I suspect some kind of deflection or just because you fancied being abhorrent and lie.

Now why did you fabricate something like that when at no point have I mentioned the ease or difficulty of reporting. I've made no comments at all about that.

I've already explained why only 1% result in convictions: the QUOTA being the main issue. Witness intimidation. Women wanting counselling which they cannot get if they report. Women withdrawing due to pressure, lack of support, trauma. Women being arrested or threatened with arrest for reporting. Society believing rapists who falsely accuse their victims.

Now tell me again why you lie?

Lied about what exactly?

Im telling you how I think you’re coming across.

I also don’t think your statistics are accurate.

Most women do find that happens to them. She likely has physical evidence. He could've filmed her. This would not be his first crime against her. Men do not go from 0 to rape.

With respect I don’t think ‘most women’ do experience rape whilst asleep

There is no evidence to suggest I am coming across in any way as that was never discussed.

At no point have I mentioned ease or difficulty of reporting - true?

So you fabricated that for what reason?

Of course you would, you wouldn't believe women who report now would you?

51% of women wake up with their partner penetrating them in some way.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! 😂

But the fact he needed to be reminded to wear a condom makes him a simpleton too. Two simpletons in unison.

Do you have a source for this?

If most rape cases had evidence the conviction rate would be higher.