Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

My ex of 30 years had multiple affairs which came to light when I finally kicked out
hes marrying the OW in the summer
big surprise he’s cheating on her already
on it goes Karma will get him eventually

Yes. My parents split up because if a third party and they were together happily for over 20 years before one person died.

I will say that my parents were fine together but after the split they both grew into different versions of themselves and their news partners suited them.

That might not be what you want to hear but the hopeful message is that even the one "left" went on to be happier. The key was not to be bitter (no inference, just an observation of what I saw)

My best friend at school’s parents got together when they were both married to other people. Married and stayed together until friend’s dad died. There was quite a big age gap IIRC, must have been more than 15 years. My friend’s siblings were all middle aged when we were in high school.

Narrative or not, this woman is far from a decent human being.
After my bil left her she went on to form a relationship with a registered sex offender, she had two further children with with this man. He went on to assault her 14 year old dd who has been going through years of therapy in order to get through her life. The mother has never supported her child or acknowledged what happened. None of her DC have a good relationship with her.

My exH was with OW long enough to buy a house and have a baby (he complained to me about wanting neither!). It fizzed out shortly after I think.

However I worked with a guy who had an affair with someone else in our office - both married with no kids. They’ve been together 25 years plus and had a family

My partners friend, when single, had an affair with a woman who had two children. She left her partner for him. They then didn't work out, because he didn't like fact she had children 🤔A few years later, she sadly died of suicide, although it was mainly unrelated to the affair / breaking up of her family.

In the meantime, he went on to drunkenly kissing two best friends, at different times, causing a riff between them. He started a relationship with one of them, and strung her along for years - they had a mortgage agreed in principle, when he cheated on her, and suddenly left her for the OW.

OW got pregnant accidentally-on-purpose a few weeks in, and they are now together. She is extremely (and for good reason), worried about him cheating, to the point where she once messaged loads of his friends and family, saying he was having an affair. To my knowledge, this time he actually wasn't. They've been together 18 months, so we'll see how it goes...

Of course plenty work out, plenty also dont but if someone is cheating they don't love you so why punish yourself by mulling over the fairness of it all; life isn't fair, karma isn't real and how you get them is how you lose them is by no means always the case. My ex cheated on me and they're happily married a decade later, at the time it hurt but he obviously didn't love me by that point and it's given me the chance to move on.

My dad. He was with my mum for 25 yrs, married very young, but they constantly argued and growing up I couldn't understand what they saw in each other, being very different people.

Then later in my teenager years he started cheating on her with whoever paid him attention, but he wouldn't commit to anyone (incl one of the women madly love with him and she contacted me on social media - that's how I found out everything).

Then he met his currrent wife and that was it, they had children together. 20 yrs later and they are still very much peas in the pod living lifestyle both dreamed of and he does more housework for her too.

My mum was the empty shell stripped of any self esteem when I was teen. Likely undiagnosed autistic. Found someone very decent who would accept her for who she is (going strong 15 yrs) and would tell anyone that second half of life is so much better...

Yes. You could tie yourself in knots. 😂

Such a silly notion.

My uncles first wife and the man she left him for are still together, over 30 years later. Seems very happy. My uncle remarried, very happy.

I was very young when she walked out, taking their toddler one Christmas, as you can imagine her name was mud for many years after.

The reality is, both uncle and first wife were ludicrously young to be getting married and absolutely nobody would encourage them if they were talking about doing so at the same respective ages today. Did she behave poorly? Absolutely, but they were barely in their 20’s at the time.

But this thread is full of dozens of people who know those who've been together for decades very happily. I don't agree with cheating and it's not the ideal start to a relationship, but not all cheating = doomed. There's a big difference, imo, to someone cheating on a partner they met at 18 because they're unfulfilled and have grown apart and they've met someone better suited to them than someone serially fucking other people because they're just not very nice. Both are equally morally awful, but one could easily lead to a happy fulfilled relationship that is otherwise perfectly good and the other is a lot less likely to. People are people and they make mistakes - given how prevalent cheating is, I don't think we can draw a line in the sand and say anyone who ever cheats is a terrible person incapable of having a healthy faithful relationship ever. There's a lot more nuance than that.

I don't believe it. I've never seen it 'happy' and I'm glad I haven't.

My aunty and uncle had an affair years ago when I was about 9 or 10. I didn’t find out until years later. They were both in their 40’s and had children on each side. My aunty (mum’s younger sister) had married a man a lot older (16 years older) and it just didn’t work out.

Anyway, both are now in their 80’s and still very much a loving couple. Kids all grew and flew
the nest but all get on. My first uncle passed away a few years ago but she always looked out for him and was there at the end. He never remarried. He became good friends with my new uncle, believe it or not!

Sometimes, affairs happen for a reason.

We don't live in a fair world, sadly. Even if it all works out just cushty for all the adults, including the wronged party/parties, the trauma can be massive for any and all kids involved. If this thread reminds me of anything it's how utterly selfish parents can be.

This resonated. I met the right one, married the wrong one, he cheated on me but I stayed, the right one came back and in between I divorced ex h.

There might be dozens of cheats very happy with their flings but I bet one or both of the couple are still cheating given the opportunity.

It's a mentality, not always because a relationship is rubbish but because cheats like the thrill of the secrecy, the thrill of lying.

Bit like boozers or gamblers always saying they'll change, they don't they just hide it more effectively.

Bless you, my household would blow your mind. Now I expect you’ll call me a liar, and that’s fine. I don’t think anyone reading this thread doesn’t see you’ve clearly been hurt badly and left uncontrollably bitter and convinced you’re unassailably right. I hope you grow and find peace.

Yes. Ex and his now wife have been together 35 years.They now have grandchildren. I occasionally see them around at gigs because we like he same genre of music.

Sorry you've had cheating etc go on in your house. I'm glad that the ones I've seen do it have majorly had their bad karma. Never seen it 'end happily'. I'm okay, just find it strange that some people think the behaviour is fine and that they should get away with it.

My parents.
My mum was married and my dad engaged, to other people, when they met.
They had an affair and then went on to marry each other.. and were together until my dad's death. Over 40 years together.

Not everybody ends their marriage because they got caught. Some people (my DH being one of them) go to their partner early on and end their marriage honestly and voluntarily because they don't want to go through months or years of living a lie and making a fool of someone who has done nothing to deserve it. But they still need to do what they need to do to be happy. For others it might take longer because the guilt and the complication of children and entangled finances make it so hard to get out quickly and easily.

Unfaithful women on here always start their stories with "I am not proud of having an affair, no judgement please, I was so unhappy, my MH was suffering, my husband was emotionally abusive/made me feel unseen/unheard/unattractive, my husband witheld sex, I was utterly miserable in my marriage so I accidentally found myself chatting to someone online to boost my confidence' yada yada. All the excuses, from the women. Always.

Whereas men rarely bother to try to justify their affairs and if they do they are never believed anyway. They are just assumed to be opportunistic serial shaggers who lie about not having sex with their wives.

It’s convenient how this is something you can ‘know’ without ever actually having to prove.

You believe what it comforts you to believes. If ‘bad’ people flourish in this life and receive none of the comeuppance you believe was deserved/that life/the universe/)god owed you? Never mind, they’ll definitely pay for it in the afterlife/next life!

Doubling and tripling down on the wishful thinking there.

I just don't think that's true. I cheated on my first long-term partner when I was 19 - I can be classed as 'a cheat'. I never did it again and I never would, nor did I particularly enjoy the thrill of anything about it tbh, I was just stupid and unhappy and being selfish. I'd wager that for the majority of people who cheat and end up in a long-term relationship with their affair partner it's not a personality trait or akin to an addiction - it's just them making the stupid choice to jump ship before ending it. There's a difference between that and the people who genuinely get off on not getting caught.

I've seen it many times, never seen a cheater end up happy and I'm glad.

As I said upthread, we have 2 friends who’ve married the OW. Extremely happy. I’d far rather this than the relationships that ended the marriages failing.