Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

No, and with all the affairs I know of (plenty) I can only think of one that ended up successful.

And despite this thread the odds of an affair couple lasting (from research) are slim for making it past five years.

Are you under the impression that you personally not seeing something means that it doesn’t happen?

I do know a few serial cheaters, men I have worked with. It is almost pathological behaviour with them.

They are quite different to the people I know who have cheated once, and remained with that affair partner.

Sadly I know several cases where the husband has ended up happily ever after with the OW. Often starting a new family.

No of course not but I don't believe it's very common and I'm glad I've never seen it.

19! I'm not talking about teenagers, many cheat at that age, I'm talking about those with families, mortagaes established relationships. If a man or a women has a fling in that situation they are a liar and a cheat and that behaviour will continue one way or another. Leopards do not miraculously change their spots. Thrill of the chase excites them too much.

My mil cheated, and 25 years on is still happily married to her affair partner. My fil went on to rekindle a former romance. Both are unimaginable together as a couple, but totally the other "piece" in the new relationship.

I believe good people can do shitty things, just as shitty people can do good things. I'm glad they both ended up happy, despite how it all started.

Yes. He's deliriously happy with the money and privilege that she offered, and parenting once a fortnight while I was poor and did all the work.

Same here, it was a very similar for me in my first marriage. I got in too deep, too young and didn't know how to extract myself. I behaved badly in the last year or so, but really it was a cry for help. I hadn't been single since I was 15. The thought of leaving to be alone was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. I wanted it, but at the same time I was frightened of it. It was alien territory for me. It took me several affairs and a few attempts to leave, but when I finally did, I was still only 22! Surely a 22 year old can be forgiven for just not knowing what way was up?

I got married again a few years later and I've never been unfaithful once. But as I said earlier, it's only been 34 years, so give it time. Perhaps I'll revert to type after all. 😂

I can think of a few couples who did fall in love, and made it worked for decades.

In a couple of instance, the man put his hands up and recognised having been a shit husband/ father and made the effort he should have made from the start.
So they are happy, and maybe it last well because they had accepted that it's a partnership.

How many threads on here about the ex husband being too good a dad and husband with his new family?

Maybe some people get married too young, maybe they ignored their problems and only woke up when they fall in love with someone else.

Would the relationship have worked the same with the OW if she had been the first? In some cases, probably not. Having a failed marriage helps a lot of couples to get it right the second time.

No - one lasted 6 months, the other 3 weeks.

💅🏻

my ex left me for OW when our baby was 7 months old, apparently he had only married me because he felt sorry for me and I was now "boring" and only talked about the baby. He and OW went on to have 3 kids and the first one was born a couple of years after he left me and he had already stopped paying child support before this one arrived. They married and stayed together for about 15 years and this was apparently punctuated by affairs on both sides and lots of rows. I knew this as i knew people who lived in the same street. If we had not had a child together I would have forgotten about him but it does tie you do someone when you have a child. OW left him with the kids which did make me give a wry smile. Only he can say if he was happier with her than with me. If he had been fair and seen our child regularly and paid child support then fine, but they were both so deceitful and nasty that it was hard for me to cope with. All water under the bridge now and he is on to his fourth relationship since he walked out on me.

My ex-H was with the OW for about 4 or 5 years. She got pregnant. He had never particularly wanted children and, sure enough, not long after the baby was born the relationship fell apart. She had the baby she had apparently been desperate to have and he was no longer the centre of attention. That was a very long time ago and apparently he has no relationship with his child.

He is now married to someone else.

My ex left me for another woman. He started cheating during the pregnancy and left when the baby was 6 months old. It was a bit of a different situation because he was abusive.

He didn't even stick around for the baby and told me that no one would ever touch me with a child.

He did go on to have an almost 10 year relationship with her before she left him for someone else.

Now he's with someone else and is a stepdad to her 3 children.

I know all of this through a mutual friend.

that attitude only hurts you. Being bitter only hurts yourself. It has no effect on the ex and his new love.

I don't think it's healthy to spend a lot of thought on your ex, and spend time and energy wishing him bad ending and waiting for it.

Your best revenge is to move on and be happy. Put it another way, when you can spend weeks or months even without even thinking about your ex at all, you win!

It doesn't at all as I've only ever seen cheaters get what they deserve.

Seems like a lot of people won’t leave their relationship which is not working (for them) until they have a new person lined up.

🙄

I just googled whether affair relationships last after reading this thread - out of curiosity...

The research suggests they are far less likely to last than relationships that start when both parties are single - apparently only around 3% of affair relationships last long term.

It's interesting everyone on this thread seems to think otherwise. I've never been cheated on as far as I know, but all the friends/family I've known who have been cheated on, the AP relationship has never worked out.

I agree with this. It's inexcusable, but many tell themselves they will "make do" until someone turns their head.

I don’t agree. I have been with the OW for 25 years. Happily.

I have never cheated in that time. It has never occurred to me to do so.

That shouldn't be surprising, especially from financial perspective.

I'd like to believe that, but it often doesn't seem the case, judging from the responses here. 🤷‍♀️

It will. Ignore anyone who think it's perfectly fine behaviour.

Disagree. People say things like this because it’s more palatable to think that someone cheated on you because they have some type of thrill-seeking addiction, rather than face the truth that they just found someone else they liked more.

Very often, it works out.

And whether or not it’s fine behaviour is irrelevant as to whether it works out or not.