Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

Yes plenty of relationships that started as affairs work out. Doesn't mean it's fine of course. It also doesn't mean that their entire lives are 'tainted'.

I'm not the OW but I have to say I would rather dp left me than stick around while telling all and sundry he regretted being with me and it was the worst mistake of his life. Tbh does it not occur to those receiving these confidences that what they're saying may not be the complete truth about complex lives?

But millions do. Not every single one, but plenty of people who've never cheated on anyone live miserable lives. That's because Karma doesn't exist.

What did the first wife do wrong then to get her bad karma? 🥴

I've just answered this.

Then as I said, it doesn’t make sense. You’re holding on to a cliche as a crutch. I’m sorry to break it to you but not everyone who gets hurt deserves it and not everyone who hurts someone else gets hurt in response.

It does, it sounds like you're saying it's actually okay to treat people in this way 😬

My dad is still with the ow 30 years later.

How? If karma is a thing (it isn’t), why has it come for the presumably innocent first wife?

I know at least three couples who were married to other people when they met in the 70s/80s and have been happily and to all appearance faithfully together since.

It's a nice fantasy that marrying your mistress creates a vacancy. In practice sometimes people commit adultery and then live happily ever after. Sorry.

I believe they will sooner or later. You can think it's okay for them to 'get away with it' but I don't.

It's not okay but it's also not the only way to treat people badly and hurt them.

My friend's first husband cheated on her with another woman. He left her and married the other woman (he later cheated on her and left her and married the woman he cheated with).
My friend was devastated, heartbroken. Yet within 6 months she had a relationship with a married man who had a child, which ended badly. Then she took in a lodger (who worked away from home) who was married with an 18 month old and a 3 month old. She started a relationship with him very quickly and got pregnant. He left his wife and children, and married my friend and had two more children with her. He had affairs throughout their marriage, treated my friend like shit and left her for another woman he met through work to whom he is now married. He moved 150 miles away and has no responsibility emotionally for any of his 4 children (but paid minimum CSA until they left school).
My friend has not had another relationship.

I have 2 friends whose husbands left them and appear to be happy quite a few years on with the OW.
i do think though that being a part time parent helps. Suddenly in most cases you start getting free weekends abd time to yourself and can go out and do adult things while the kids are with the other parent.
Of course it’s all shiny and new and everyone is making an effort for quite a while.
Unfortunately the kids always seem to be collateral damage as far as the Dads are concerned

Thats not what I said.

I just answered further up. Oh it does. And we don't know a back story but if she hasn't done something vile and disrespectful to another person then of course she didn't deserve it. It happened because someone else is a shit person and they will get what they deserve.

My ex left for OW and it’s lasted about 4 weeks! Ridiculous! Blew apart our family for nothing. That said he is now remarried and she seems a much better fit for him. I met someone I got on with much better as well. It didn’t work out sadly.

Well said

I meant to write "the concept of Karma as being discussed here by some posters is as a good for good / bad for bad idea."

Karma in Buddhism is something else and not so simplistic and fatalistic.
More of a cause and effect rather than a punishment or redressing or reward.

I know plenty of people who married their OW or OM who are still together decades later. Some are very happy, some not.

The people they shit on though will bear those scars forever so while they might be sunshine and daisies they're ruined other people's lives (not that I think they care).

Personally, I've only been cheated on once (he slept with my sister). I'm now one sister down as I no longer speak to her (and haven't for a very long time) they can both go rot (though their 'love that was just too true to deny' lasted about 6 months and then he cheated on her with someone else. He's still with that person now last time I heard).

DH’s first wife ran off with their next door neighbour. It didn’t last.

I've seen this happen where the children had disabilities or needed a lot of care. Usually the male partner was the one who left.

Yes, my husband ran off with what I thought was my best friend. They are still together 20 years later, although according to a mutual acquaintance, it's not been entirely rosy for her (he has lifelong mental health issues). To be honest I was much more upset at losing her...

I know a happily married couple of nearly 25 years that started as an affair.

It's comforting to think these things won't last when your in the depths of the pain of betrayal, but eventually you don't give a shit either way.

My nan was the OW, she was very young though (only 17) when she met my grandad.They were together for over 50 years until he passed away. I don't believe he ever cheated on my nan, learnt his lesson.

But I know he really hurt his ex wife and children from his first marriage by cheating and leaving.

My Dad left my Mum for my stepmum, 42 years ago. They're still together, not sure I'd describe them as happy and I'm not NC with my Dad mainly due to the emotional fall out the pair of them caused but they are still together 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe she cheated in a former life? Makes as much sense as believing in karma in the first place.