Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

@Tink3rbell30

Yes and a lot of cheaters do get bad karma/the same done to them or worse despite comments saying they don't.
Of course! Both can happen. Some cheaters go on and on cheating. Other people whose relationship started with cheating go on to have decades long happy unions
Not sure what point you are making. You are stating the obvious. The OP asked if it ever worked out. We are all in agreement that sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it does.

Affairs are sad. I know they happen, and no person or relationship is perfect, but reading it has made me glad about my policy of never getting involved with anyone married. Even if the original couple were badly suited, affairs just cause so much pain and hurt. I hope I never end up as collateral damage in one of these dumpster fires.

I know three people who had affairs and left their spouse. Two married their APs and seem happy many years later. One went back to his wife and they remained together until his death in old age. I have no idea how happy they were. The former two, their relationships always seem sad to me, because their happiness was bought at such a price.

You'd think it would be obvious but some people are saying cheaters categorically do not get bad things happening to them in return and that it's a lie in people's heads 😂

@Tink3rbell30
You'd think it would be obvious but some people are saying cheaters categorically do not get bad things happening to them in return and that it's a lie in people's heads 😂
Literally no one is saying that
People are saying that it can work out. Some people say it seems to work out more than not. Other people say it sometimes doesn't work out.

I don't think I have read a single comment saying anything is absolute other than yours. You are the only poster who leaps out as being determined to believe there is only one outcome and that is a bad one.

I think there is also a difference between serial cheaters and "exit affair" cheaters.

I’m starting to wonder if your ex should be in touch with the police. You seem fixated on something bad happening, it’s borderline threatening.

All this 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and when a mistress marries, she creates a vacancy nonsense is exactly that. Nonsense

I think these are just well-meaning platitudes we automatically say to try to comfort someone who is heartbroken over being cheated on/left for another woman.

When I was younger I would say "he cheated on you and he'll cheat on her" or "they'll never be happy together" or some variation thereof. Based on nothing of course, because how would I know how things will turn out?

But now I just lend a sympathetic ear and encourage the person to not get stuck for years nursing some elaborate revenge fantasy. Best to focus on your own happiness and well-being, "living well is the best revenge" and all that. Besides, even if the relationship with the OW eventually falls apart - potentially years down the road - your situation won't change; you won't magically become happy again.

It already has but this is hilarious 😂

Hmm, I think you need to talk to someone.

There's quite a few comments adamant that cheaters do not get anything bad happening to them and that people say it to themselves. When it definitely does happen, that's what my comments are about.

I know one couple who got together when they were really young. She cheated and left him for the OM. Then she and the OM split up and she came back but they were both unhappy. He then met someone else and left. She (first woman) was furious, but in fact soon met someone else. Both new couples have now been married for around 20 years. So, both cheated, but probably only because they shouldn’t have been together in the first place.

Yes all the time

Yes to this. Architects, law firms, bankers (think wealth asset experts as opposed to behind a counter on the high street). Not all - but I’d say maybe just under half of those I’ve worked with were having affairs and not being particularly careful. I doubt most of their wives were aware. I didn’t see any of them divorce and move in with their affair partner though.

Some cheaters cheat because they are disordered, they can't find happiness/contentment, and their "solutions" to things are extreme/nuclear/rash.

I know of two who ended up committing suicide. I suppose the cheating was a sign of MH difficulties or personality disorders etc.

@Tink3rbell30
You need to learn not to write in absolutes. You have said

How you get them is how you lose them, they will never build happiness based on betraying someone else. What goes around always comes back around
And that
Cheaters eventually get what they deserve*
*
Whereas the posts in here and other peoples experiences are that SOMETIMES relationships with OW go sour and SOMETIMES they walk off into the sunset hand in hand to live happily ever after

So your absolute comments are just wrong. There is no absolute. Things go both ways and everything in between

Could never be with a man who would cheat with me on their partner.

That's what I've experienced and believe so it's pointless people trying to argue with me about it. Even comments saying cheaters do not ever get anything bad happening in return, of course they do.

@Beanzmeanz

i do think though that being a part time parent helps. Suddenly in most cases you start getting free weekends abd time to yourself and can go out and do adult things while the kids are with the other parent.

I know lots of mums currently doing this loving life. I then think am I the idiot staying with my husband so I can see my kids everyday?

@Tink3rbell30
Haha ok then. Even though you've accepted that people have different experiences, you can't bear to accept that this means therefore that your experiences are not what happens to everyone.

That you can't square this circle suggests you have a lot of hurt that makes it impossible for you to accept reality and the truth even when you admit that other people have had different experiences.

I'm sorry 😞 I hope you can move on

This response is so wise.

No, my ex-dh has left the OW for an OW 😂😂

He tried to get me back numerous times, even now he tries but I won't budge. They nearly always regret it too btw.

One of the longest and happiest marriages I know of started as an affair. My best friend from childhood's parents. Her birth father left for an OW, married and had a second family. She left him for an OM after about 25 years. Meanwhile my friend's mum and stepdad (who she considers to be her dad) are still together in their 80s, been married over 40 years now, and utterly besotted with each other still.

Almost all the others I can think of, it hasn't lasted. Oddly, in the majority, they have ended up reconciling with their spouse, and everyone seems happy with this outcome.

I said that's what I believe and have seen/experienced. You don't have to agree. Pointless trying to be false and patronising with the sad face, embarrassing.

@Tink3rbell30
I'm sorry you are embarrassed. It's ok. I'm just sorry you must have gone through something really bad to have such a warped and fixed view of things.
I hope you recover.

Again.. trying to be false and patronising. You're the embarrassment.