To be upset and put off by this comment

[Marjoram2]

I have been dating a guy for 3 months.

Both have kids who happen to be with our exes the next few days so we’ve been having a blissful few days at his house, included lots of “adult time”.

All was great until we were talking about our past dating lives today and he told me about the last woman he dated “we ultimately weren’t compatible which was a shame because the sex was incredible”.

I feel vile now. Not just because I heard about how good sex was with someone else but also because it made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of enough respect and consideration for him not to share this tidbit with me.

We’ve been our for a bit and we’re on our way back to his now but the thought of having to have sex with him this afternoon is not appealing, which is a great shame as it’s been a highlight of our time together up until now!

I don’t see the issue with the comment.

In fact it shows a bit of character and that he wants more than merely good sex.

Interesting to hear this (and glad I posted for other views). I really felt it was unnecessary to share it with me and feel super uncomfortable but perhaps I’m overreacting.

Better to know sex is an important part of a relationship but not THE best bit. And he needs to be aware you also have standards in bed.

It's not something that would have upset me.
But it did upset you OP so you need to have Thai conversation with him.

I can't really see the issue here? Unless he was like 'She was better than you ' implication. I'm sure you've dated people you weren't compatible with but were good in bed? Have you hidden every previous relationship you ever had from him? There will be exes.

Sorry OP I don't get this?

Edited as misread the op

If you've got the ick, you've got the ick!

Personally I find it easy to talk about/be open about previous sex with partners - but everyone is different.

Yeah, I don’t see what he said wrong either? Though I do have to pull you up… And gently remind you that you don’t ‘have’ to have sex with anyone at any point.

I think he overshared a little, he didn't need to mention how good the sex was with someone else

Not sure why this is something you d want to talk or hear about but it's hardly a firing offence.

Of course I’ve had past relationship with great sex! But I didn’t find it necessary to tell him about it! I don’t see why he, or anyone, would need to know how good the sex was with someone else.

What a knob

Yep that's right - end a relationship on a whim. Don't bother thinking about why something makes you feel a certain way, just "get the ick" and out the door. So infantile.

It's a little crass. I'd be likely to say 'So what happened?' totally deadpan. Then burst out laughing. He's trying say he likes sex. He didn't say you were rubbish in bed.
To say you'll never sleep with him again over that one comment is a bit excessive. But if you're turned off then just walk away. You are not obliged to be with him if his chat makes you feel uncomfortable.

But he did share the tidbit with you by the sound of it?

Yes. He did?

This is how I felt. We’d shared a bottle of wine by this point so emotions were a bit amplified but I really felt it was TMI.

I can see two ways of looking at it:

1. He's sort of negging you, making you think about what a shag monster his ex is and trying to live up to her.
2. He's really open and wants to be able to talk to you about anything.

Not sure which (though I think 1 is a bit of a reach), why don't you try talking about it to find out?

This^
Some people are just more open then others ( it’s not me and it seems not you, OP) Is he generally open and relaxed in conversations?

However I will see his comment as that he is not just after sex. Or at least pretend to be 🙂

It’s definitely 2!

I was honest with him that I felt really uncomfortable about it.

Sorry I read it wrongly

i read it as NOT worthy of that info being kept in the dark - iyswim

I wouldn't want to hear any details (or quality ratings) of a love interest's romantic past. I don't think there's much to be gained by it, and it would only make me feel self-conscious about how he'd rank my own performance, not to mention squeamish about him.

But you might be able to get past this by telling him how it made you feel and that maybe these conversations aren't good for your relationship. It's okay to want less detail!

I think it can be a little uncomfortable to talk in too much detail about sex with previous partners, but it sounds like he was trying to tell you that he needs more than good sex for a relationship so I wouldn’t be put off by this.

Good sex is great… but it’s not the basis of an excellent relationship.

TBF I think we should all share a little less detail sometimes!

Have you assumed he doesn’t find sex incredible with you plus he is compatible with you?

That's great that you were able to tell him! Sounds like you've mostly solved the problem - just tell him that you don't want to hear about previous sexual partners in the future. If he doesn't respect this, then get rid.
If it's really stopped you fancying him at all then I guess the relationship's done, but that doesn't seem to be the case as you're posting here for advice!

This exactly what I did so hopefully he’s not put off by the fact I raised it. I was very lighthearted about it and just said it crossed a boundary for me and I didn’t need to hear about how good sex with with someone else immediately before me. Can’t tell yet if he was put off by MY openness.