To be upset and put off by this comment

[Marjoram2]

I have been dating a guy for 3 months.

Both have kids who happen to be with our exes the next few days so we’ve been having a blissful few days at his house, included lots of “adult time”.

All was great until we were talking about our past dating lives today and he told me about the last woman he dated “we ultimately weren’t compatible which was a shame because the sex was incredible”.

I feel vile now. Not just because I heard about how good sex was with someone else but also because it made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of enough respect and consideration for him not to share this tidbit with me.

We’ve been our for a bit and we’re on our way back to his now but the thought of having to have sex with him this afternoon is not appealing, which is a great shame as it’s been a highlight of our time together up until now!

I might’ve felt better if he’d said that when I raised my discomfort with his comment. He didn’t though….

Yes, exactly - he's showing he's after more than just sex. He didn't compare her to you in any way, it was just a comment.

But if you're no longer in the mood, there's certainly no 'having to have sex' with him!

Well, now I see that you did tell him how you felt, which is good. Now he needs to be understanding that you may not feel like being physical with him again until you've recovered from the ick of that conversation. If he was being honest about sex not being the most important part of the relationship, he should be fine with it and happy to focus on other things until you feel that spark again.

I'm with you OP... My OH once mentioned he made someone squirt and he's not managed to do it with me (not that I've ever done it) But I do sometimes think back to that comment and think hmm does this mean I'm not as good in bed ect. I just don't think some details need to be shared...

Way too much information. I think your reaction is very normal and reasonable. I wonder how he would have liked it if you had said the same thing about your most recent ex? Especially as he seems to have expressed some measure of regret that it didn't with out. A bit disrespectful, IMO.

A whim or a visceral gut reaction. Latter should be trusted IMO.

Actually, I retract my former stance on "the ick". If I heard the words "made someone squirt" come out of someone's mouth, I'd run for the hills.

See my later post...

I find it really refreshing to talk about past experiences with a partner. It shows that we both feel comfortable with each other. It can help set expectations and preferences, especially if they really liked or disliked something in the past. These are all part of mature conversations. I always find it's better to be open, than be confused or have misunderstandings. Also, he didn't say anything wrong. He only stated what is important for him. You can't expect him to constantly censor his thoughts and only tell you what you want to hear. Clearly, he feels comfortable enough to say how we feels. It's a shame that he is being judged.

This would be playing on my mind now every time I had sex with him, why would he say this!

For me, I'd be upset that he said it was "a shame", as if he'd rather be there in that relationship except they weren't compatible in other ways so he can't be.

This. And I think 3 months is still very early days in a relationship and you don’t have that real security yet to have this level of sharing about previous partners.

I am ambivalent about his comment. Your reaction is a valid one.

Like PPs I am mainly struck by the idea that you feel you ‘have to’ have sex whether you want to or not. You don’t.

I think his comment was unnecessary and immature. It was bound to make you think, what are his criteria for great sex, how is he critiquing you and your performance…gives a powerful mental image of him with someone else…

I don’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable @Marjoram2

This is a valid point of view too. You've got to be on the same page though - seems like they weren't, hopefully now they are.

but the thought of having to have sex with him this afternoon is not appealing

You don't have to have sex with him this afternoon OP, if you don't want to. You can say no to whatever you want, even if you previously said yes to something. Maybe take some time to yourself and just sit with how you feel for now.

I’d be Incredible Off-ing him this afternoon then.

I agree with this. Loads of men would stay with women just for sex.

*Have you assumed he doesn’t find sex incredible with you plus he is compatible with you?

I might’ve felt better if he’d said that when I raised my discomfort with his comment. He didn’t though*

Hmmmm.....might he be trying (very very very clumsily) to raise the fact that sex could be improved - with you and him?

I wouldn't have wanted to hear this but I wouldn't call it off just for that. I'd do what you did and hope he keeps the ex-chat to himself next time.

It wasn't good manners. I wouldn't say an ex was incredibly handsome unless I could make it clear that the current partner was of course much more so. I'm put off by bad manners so this would bother me.

Because they were having an open conversation. These two have different definitions of openness.
Now they both know where they stand....
It's hard to give an opinion because it's not something that would bother me.....
Maybe give it time.....

I don't think I'd like this. Me being me, I'd be a bit jealous and would start worrying that I couldn't compare.
I'm sorry, but I think making you a bit insecure (is it what they call negging these days?) was probably the intention here.
It's good to have honesty in a relationship, but surely not to this degree! And not at the expense of someone else's feelings.

That would give me the ick. All these posters saying it shows character and that he isn’t shallow… the bar is so low!
Not a deal breaker if he recognises it was thoughtless imo.

Most men would say the sex is good if they are having orgasms.
I've got a colourful past but there is no way I'd tell dh because it is none of his business and I'm not interested in knowing about his. We are both open to any subject but agree we don't need to know everything that went before.