To ask what you do on nights when you don't have a glass of wine

[Stuffisperplexing]

I have a glass of wine every single night

Just one (or two)

But I think the reliance on it is unhealthy and I'd like to not drink for a bit

It doesn't help that I have anxiety and low mood and wine gives such a nice dopamine rush

It sort of blows my mind that some people don't drink it at all - I'm quite envious of the self reliance

Either water or something that's a bit bitter - fruit drinks are too sweet for me. I like a virgin mojito. The soda and mint give it an 'edge'!

So.....you drink alcohol as a type of defiance, to assuage your anxiety and because life is pretty dull without it 😬😳

Lime and fizzy water. We go through gallons of fizzy water
And the time where we may have had a mindless glass of wine after dinner we have a Bloody Mary without vodka or a hot chocolate and a biscuit.
I've had a horrible shock this Xmas.A friend who I knew liked a drink has actually died from organ failure because it was a lot worse than we knew. It's made me realise how much of our social relationships are based round drinking and it's put me off completely
Look out for friends who seem to turn up to things already "pre loaded" seems she did this so she could appear to drink socially and not look like she drank so much. Then would leave early to drink a bottle of wine at home. If you see these signs maybe try and talk to your friends. I wish I had taken more care x

I don’t drink at all.

I don’t miss it at all.

I don’t think it’s unusual to not drink at all. There’s a difference between having a sociable glass of something when you’re out for the evening/celebrating/it’s an occasion but if you feel you ‘need’ to have a glass every evening when you’re sitting at home I would start to look at why and reduce it to maybe twice a week.

Big mugs of fruit tea or iced cordial while watching something upbeat on TV - a comedy or nature programme, or in a deep bath with a good book. Sometimes if I'm alone I'll have a health evening and do an online workout or yoga and some meditation or journalling.

@Stuffisperplexing you're right t
hat it's worth finding something to give you a similar dopamine buzz.

another vote for Kombucha; it's a really satisfying (and not sweet) AF alternative.

I drink it because I really like it (taste and mood effects). But when I think about NOT drinking it I start to think about tut tut tut a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips type mums of friends from my childhood and I want to guzzle down an entire bottle crossly . Who am I trying to annoy with this imagined reaction, they don't care! I just really hate Being Good. Hate it. But that's not the originating impetus 🤣

Thanks btw for all the suggestions. I have just remembered how much I like agua de madre so might try to pick up some of that.

Wine is pretty much fermented ribena.

Could the nightly drink actually be contributing to your anxiety?

Some things I do in the evenings:

Walk round the neighbourbood - 15 mins, then turn round and come back
Choir
Craft - crochet & quilling currently
Date night with DH - no babysitter so tonight we're doing an air dry clay thing, previously done a SophieTeaArt youtube tutorial nudey painting, things like that
Work
Play the piano or anything else to get into flow state, which is so good for your brain (and anxiety)
Mainly watch telly!

Some things I drink in the evening (feel bad even about all of these due to sugar and carbonation!)
Appletieser
Fizzy water and squash
Kombucha
Tonic

An infusion (I like ginger based ones) is nice in the cold weather.

Everything else, literally 😳
I mean, after I hit 40, I started feeling really, really bad after ridiculously small amounts of alcohol.
That was six years ago.
Not spewing, having less anxiety and headaches was a pretty good motivator.

🤣

Maybe adjust your tutting thoughts to thoughts about your liver?

I hardly drink at all these days because as soon as I hit menopause my body just ceased to tolerate alcohol: I find even very modest amounts make me sleepy, sluggish, depressed and generally feel shit so I rarely bother unless there's a really good reason.

Don't know how old you are but menopause makes a lot of us feel like this so you might find your body takes care of this for you.

I reduced my drinking a lot even before this because I recognised it was massively impacting my ability to get things done: it's a depressant, it drains your energy and makes it much harder to function in every way.

I do think when you start it's something of a "fake it to make it" process: keep reinforcing in your head the idea that you feel better without it and it will eventually stick. Agree with others that you need to break the mental link between alcohol and relaxation/fun. A hobby or just another form of relaxation will help.

I don't think a glass a day is harming my liver. I never feel unwell from it at all and I sleep fine/eat healthily/etc.

I gave up drinking several years ago as I too was sitting down with a glass of wine that I told myself was a treat, or a reward for getting through the day. As activities go, it's not an especially constructive one. I read a few books specifically written for women about drinking, decided to stop for a month and never looked back. I honestly wish I'd done it years sooner

With my evenings I go to the gym, take kids to activities, cook, watch TV etc. I tend to go to bed earlier so I get up earlier which suits my body click better. I try not to be too evangelical about it (I gave booze, fags and the rest a very good run!) but it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself and I can honestly say I just don't think about it any more.

My sleep, skin, energy levels, confidence etc have never been better (I'm late 40s for context).

I’m a member of the gym at the local hotel, so I’ll often take myself off for a gentle swim or a sauna in the evening. DP and I sometimes go to the cinema or just read and listen to music. We tend to avoid alcohol in the week but may have the occasional AF beer if we’re cooking a curry for dinner.

For me personally I would feel uncomfortable at the thought of having to consume alcohol every day. I wouldn't feel in control.

@Stuffisperplexing

I don't think a glass a day is harming my liver. I never feel unwell from it at all and I sleep fine/eat healthily/etc.

You'll never know for sure until your liver packs in though. Liver damage often goes undetected until its quite advanced and too late to correct. And anyway it's not only about your liver. There are so many ways in which alcohol damages your body: it's a big cancer risk, it is terrible for mental health and sleep, it makes it much harder to exercise, it makes you gain weight etc etc.

Also even if the glass a day isn't harming your liver, it's a mental dependency. Wouldn't you like to break this?

I drink alot of tea!

I find that having something nice to watch on TV fills the same gap as a glass of wine might do. Or something to read.

To relax it’s better to meditate or do yoga. Although that does take time and effort!

I like CBD drinks which are relaxing but not soporific

Water
Spiced milk/hot chocolate in the winter
Juice/Squash in the summer
Fizzy drink if I’m treating myself

I hardly ever drink in the house, maybe a couple of times a year over the Christmas period.

@Stuffisperplexing that's not how it works with your liver. I had no warning signs at all, none, and found out I had NAFLD by chance when I had a scan for something completely different. That's when I decided to stop all alcohol and changed up my eating habits. While yes mine wasn't because of alcohol, it wasn't an added risk I was willing to chance. Feeling fine isn't an indicator of a healthy liver and yes drinking daily can impact it. I would be looking into your defiance and where that stems from as it does seem to be a driving factor in your actions but there doesn't seem to be any reason for it.

I recently had one of those full body checkups and my enzymes, thyroid etc all seemed in good nick. I know you never know but the physical aspect doesn't worry me at all. I wonder if the wine is stopping me from going wild and eating a tub of ice cream a night. I suppose there is only one way to find out.