To be cross with DH?

[NotSayingImBatman]

DH’s aunt is childfree and lives alone 1.5 hours from us. She had a fall on Boxing Day climbing onto the couch to reach a candle from a shelf and, despite us going over there on the day and offering to take her to hospital, she refused.

Today, one of her friends has text to say she’s had a few more falls since. She refuses to take herself to A&E but has been driving around and walking her dogs. When the text arrived, DH was fishing with DS (technically 13 as of an hour ago). I text her repeatedly telling her to call ambulance — she refused because no one was available to watch her dogs.

After much toing and froing, DH decided he would drive up to her house and take her to A&E after fishing, and bring the dogs back here (annoying, we have cats and the dogs attack them). He was supposed to be back by dinner time. Instead, he’s decided to sit with her until she’s seen, treated and discharged, which means my son is currently sitting in an A&E waiting room, 1.5 hours from home, ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

This is ridiculous, isn’t it? If he wanted to stay with her, he should’ve had the sense he was born with to bring his son back home and then go back, shouldn’t he?

I’ve just called him on DS’s phone as he was ignoring his own and he seems very put out that I’ve told him to bring our son back home immediately.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

Your son will be fine. It’ll be something of an adventure being allowed to stay up till this time at 13, and it demonstrates the value of sometimes inconveniencing yourself to ensure a loved one is supported. I don’t think your husband has done anything wrong. He’s being a loving, supportive nephew.

So you wanted him to drive 1.5 hours to drop son off, and another 1.5 hours back to her and then presumably 1.5 hours back after she is discharged?

YABU.

Well ideally I wanted him to drive the 20 minutes home at 4pm when they finished fishing, then drive the 1.5 hours to her place. He could’ve stayed there overnight if he wanted to.

YABU

He's 13. He's not even missing his birthday.

YABU and deluded. 3 hours round trip so that your precious baby can be home on his birthday.
All the while, the aunt is in pain and alone. Give yer head a wobble.

Unfortunately that ship has sailed and asking him to come now is unreasonable. Your son will be just fine.

Okay, if I’m unreasonable that’s fine, but the sneery “precious baby” is a bit much. He’s my son, of course he’s my baby, and very precious to me!

I take it that you don't like his Aunt?

He is a good person and your son will learn the importance of looking after others who are in need.

But that is not an option. So what you are asking him is as I described in my post.

I like his aunt very much, actually. A bit miffed she’s waited over a week to seek medical attention and refused to facilitate any of it herself despite knowing we don’t live nearby.

But you know why she waited - because she didn’t have anyone to look after the dogs. She’s clearly tried to struggle on without inconveniencing anyone until someone (your DH) has insisted she seeks help. Why are you annoyed and ringing him? DS is safe. DA is being cared for. What is the problem?

And if you’ve told him to being DS home immediately, how is the poor aunt meant to get home? You’ll have embarrassed your husband, embarrassed his aunt who now no doubt will think she’s put him through a load of trouble she was trying to avoid. Honestly it’s so beyond unreasonable of you. It’s blatantly a control issue. Hopefully DH ignores you and waits with his aunt.

Not to mention it’s only 10 to 2 in the morning on his birthday. He can come home have a sleep and wake up like kr never even happens it’s not like he’s there at 2pm on his birthday.

Just... Wow.

She's your DH's family. Maybe one day your son's partner will tell him to leave you alone and in pain and think that's ok.Your DH is just as bad for waiting until after fishing.

In our house birthdays don't start until you've been to bed and woken up.

AYBU?

YES!!! And I say that as someone whose "childless aunt" is 93, and has lots of falls. I would never behave like you IR your DH - and my 13 yo dd would understand.

Couldn't you have driven to collect your son and bring him home earlier? It's kind of your husband to stay with your aunt, although I can see why you're annoyed.

If you want DS home go and get him.

So he was 20 mins away with ds? Yes, he should have brought him home first then. I would have dropped ds home, got changed etc, then driven to aunt. An A& E trip is never going to be quick, and if she’s already waited a week, another hour or so wasn’t going to do much harm.

It’s done now though.

YANBU, what a crap evening let alone 13th birthday! Can’t believe you’re getting a hard time on here OP. She could have waited the 20 minutes if she’s been waiting 3 days

Also don’t they stink after fishing?

Have you a second car? Can you go collect son could DH meet you partway?

OP has a younger child to consider who’s probably fast asleep

If aunt was so concerned about pain and being alone she’d have taken herself to the doctor a week ago.

It won’t be crap. He’ll be getting hot chocolate and crisps from the vending machine, chatting to his dad one to one, feeling adult complaining of the ridiculous wait but aunt needs them etc. I have a very fond memory of being at hospital with my dad and sister when I was younger and not getting home till the complete middle of the night (sister had some sort of injury). It was the height of excitement and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Alone at the hospital. Very different to alone at home.

Well my almost 12yo would have every boring second especially on her birthday.

I’ve heard it all on MN now - a trip to A&E is an exciting family outing suitable for a birthday 🤣🤣