To be cross with DH?

[NotSayingImBatman]

DH’s aunt is childfree and lives alone 1.5 hours from us. She had a fall on Boxing Day climbing onto the couch to reach a candle from a shelf and, despite us going over there on the day and offering to take her to hospital, she refused.

Today, one of her friends has text to say she’s had a few more falls since. She refuses to take herself to A&E but has been driving around and walking her dogs. When the text arrived, DH was fishing with DS (technically 13 as of an hour ago). I text her repeatedly telling her to call ambulance — she refused because no one was available to watch her dogs.

After much toing and froing, DH decided he would drive up to her house and take her to A&E after fishing, and bring the dogs back here (annoying, we have cats and the dogs attack them). He was supposed to be back by dinner time. Instead, he’s decided to sit with her until she’s seen, treated and discharged, which means my son is currently sitting in an A&E waiting room, 1.5 hours from home, ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

This is ridiculous, isn’t it? If he wanted to stay with her, he should’ve had the sense he was born with to bring his son back home and then go back, shouldn’t he?

I’ve just called him on DS’s phone as he was ignoring his own and he seems very put out that I’ve told him to bring our son back home immediately.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

Your husband should have dropped your son home before going to attend to his aunt .

It's not sneery though.

You just don't like being told how ridiculous your behaviour is, namely because you can't see how ridiculous your behaviour is. Ridiculous, and utterly precious.

That's why you've started this post, thinking you'd get plenty of validation for your ridiculous behaviour. Except you're getting your arse handed to you.

Not that it makes any difference to your opinion. You will remain in the right, in your eyes. Precious people are impossible to get through too.

you really should have made this bit clear in the op. Posters are assuming it's 1.5 hr between home and fishing, not 20 minutes. And yes your dh is an idiot.

Do you feel better about yourself now?

This is very harsh. I wouldn’t want my child sitting in a&e on a normal day never mind their birthday.

Ita not the place for hoards of people to sit waiting with god knows what germs.

I would've wanted him to bring son home too for many reasons including:

1. This time of year a&e is incredibly busy and you're only supposed to have one person with you. I was in a&e over Christmas and the nurses kept having to come out and shout that everyone extra needed to go home as they were taking up the seats intended for patients.

2. There are a lot of ill people there and it's always a confined space so there's lots of germs that can be picked up. I certainly came out of hospital with a rotten cold and felt worse than when I went in!

3. It's the kids birthday. He shouldn't have to sit bored out of his hair because his dad had a brain freeze.

Yet on every other thread it’s a disgrace when families take up seats in the waiting room.

This thread makes absolutely no sense at all. Aunt clearly doesn't need to be in a&e, teenager doesn't need to be in a&e, nobody needs to be there. .

But still, endless wittering from the sanctimommies about how awful op is and how she needs to shut up and stop thinking of her son.

What a load of shite.

@DowntonShabbie
I'm not sure I agree with you but I love your tone! And your user name.

It would make sense that your DH dropped DS home first but perhaps he felt he needed to get there asap.

He could be at A&E for hours and it would have course been better to drop DS home.
But he was probably full of worry and not thinking.

What were you doing at this time?

It seems that DH was doing quite a lot and so I’m wondering why you didn’t ask that you’d pick him up from fishing, so DH can shoot off straight from there.

I personally would have packed a small bag with his charger etc and told him that he can pick it up when he drops DS or meet him at fishing and give it to him then and you’ll m take DS home with you.

In any other scenario, I would say DH was in the wrong but because he was worried about his aunt then I’d just let it slide.

Why would I feel better?

Does calling someone acting precious, well, precious make you feel better?

Did anyone actually read the OP? Aunt fell off a couch well over a week ago. She may have fallen over a few times since. However she has continued to be perfectly able to drive, walk her dogs, live her life.
WHY IS ANYONE in a&e in the middle of the night?

So if everyone is at A&E the dogs still aren't being looked after for a good few hours!

Honestly if she has been driving & walking her dogs I'd be quite pissed off with him for rushing up there like it's an emergency.

I also wouldn't be wanting the dogs & would rather he stayed there if necessary with them.

With a bit of thought & communication it could all have been avoided!

13 is old enough to be learning that actually you don't always come first and sometimes in life you have to be in situations you'd rather not because at that moment someone else's needs are greater.

Ideally Dad will say to him 'sorry I should have run you home first but unfortunately we need to stay here at the moment'

It's not the evening of his birthday though. That's tonight.

Multiple falls is probably exactly why they were worried enough to take her to hospital.

We were talking about a 20 min trip home. Not hours. To take someone to hospital who had been walking her dogs and driving. It would have been differnt if she was laying on the floor, unable to move and waiting for an ambulance. That would have been an emergency situation.

In OPs scenario, I completely disagree that anyone else should be forced to sit in A&E for hours, another person who doesn’t need to be there taking up already limited space.

From what OP said, it wasn’t an emergency. The first port of call for repeated falls would be a referal to OT, from a GP or social care. A&E won’t do a thing unless she’s injured, which it didn’t sound like it was from the OP.

I was actually gonna come on and say that a trip to A&E isn’t some fun family outing

OP has another thread last night that mentioned it

Yes it serious which is why she should have done something about it a week ago

Apparently it can be a fun day out 😂 this is a good point though, when my DS broke his arm there were a few drunk people in A&E trying to speak to him and it made him really nervous I had to ask to be moved to another room to wait

But the 13yo wasn’t needed.

Also is the life lesson “drop everything to run for someone who has a complete lack of self care and is irresponsible at the expense of others”?

Ill hopefully be old one day but I’m not a ridiculous martyr so I I won’t be leaving myself in pain then expecting others to inconvenience themselves to mop up my irresponsibility

Again what is it with infantilising elderly people?

Maybe you’ll be elderly one day and be more sympathetic to the urge to keep carrying on. It’s frightening having to depend on others. Your son is being taught very valuable lessons here by your H. YABU

It’s very fucking sneery and it’s not precious at all

Ots his birthday I’m assuming they’ll have plans even if it’s just present opening and a birthday breakfast. It’s highly likely he’ll still be there now!

I’m wondering if this was an elderly uncle who’d fallen and a DH taking a 6yo girl for example of people would be saying “She needs to learn that caring for older people matters” “She’ll have a blast” “Stop being precious”.