To be cross with DH?

[NotSayingImBatman]

DH’s aunt is childfree and lives alone 1.5 hours from us. She had a fall on Boxing Day climbing onto the couch to reach a candle from a shelf and, despite us going over there on the day and offering to take her to hospital, she refused.

Today, one of her friends has text to say she’s had a few more falls since. She refuses to take herself to A&E but has been driving around and walking her dogs. When the text arrived, DH was fishing with DS (technically 13 as of an hour ago). I text her repeatedly telling her to call ambulance — she refused because no one was available to watch her dogs.

After much toing and froing, DH decided he would drive up to her house and take her to A&E after fishing, and bring the dogs back here (annoying, we have cats and the dogs attack them). He was supposed to be back by dinner time. Instead, he’s decided to sit with her until she’s seen, treated and discharged, which means my son is currently sitting in an A&E waiting room, 1.5 hours from home, ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

This is ridiculous, isn’t it? If he wanted to stay with her, he should’ve had the sense he was born with to bring his son back home and then go back, shouldn’t he?

I’ve just called him on DS’s phone as he was ignoring his own and he seems very put out that I’ve told him to bring our son back home immediately.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

Dropping his son home first would have been logical if it wasn't an immediate emergency (sounds like she's been having falls all week, not currently lying on the floor?) But even if he made a poor judgment call, now he is there demanding he leave her and do a 3 hour round trip so you can have your son home is ridiculous and shows an obscene lack of empathy, you should be proud of your DH for caring for his older relatives and happy that your son gets to see a good example of caring.

YABU
You instructed him to go now you want him to go how you think he should.

"precious baby" 🙄

Why do some posters just want to be rude rather than constructive?

If it was that important to you that DS is home, could you not go and get him ?

Honestly i think you should apologise to DH, he's doing the best he can. Yes maybe ideally he would have dropped DS home first but he didn't and now it is what it is.

@Createausername1970
Because they carry so many demons around in their own heads they like to make people as miserable as them.
Come across quite A few in life and even more on here!

Is it so bad for kids to understand that older people still matter?

Good grief. Leaving aside how pointlessly and unreasonably rude your response to me is, it was literally you who said of your similar experience as a child, "It was the height of excitement and I thoroughly enjoyed it." Is "amazing adventure" an inaccurate summary of that sentence?

If it’s anything like my local A&E, they will still be sat in the waiting area now (23 hours for my dad with advanced dementia sat in the main waiting area after a fall and bleeding, then another 14 hours left on a trolley in a corridor), so it was really stupid of the dh, he didn’t think it through, especially as it wasn’t an accident or an emergency if she was still out dog walking, she’s not going to be a priority for anything.

Older people matter yes. But the dh has been impulsive and not thought things through. This could have all been avoided by just dropping his son home first, thinking that maybe it might be a hospital job when he got there, so he’d better come home first for phone chargers etc.

I had to so many hospital dashes with my dad, but like hell would I have made any of my children sit in A&E all night with us. My dad was important but they came first, always.

I agree, your DH is a bit of a plonker. It would've made more sense for him to cut short the fishing trip, dropped DS home and had a quick shower and then gone to fetch his aunt. He must know what A&E departments are like especially at this time of year.

You'll be old one day and then you'll understand.

He absolutely should have dropped your son home first unless your son said he wanted to go with him. He can’t bring your son home now though. Can you go and pick him up?

Can't you go and get your son OP?

YOU are miffed?! How the hell is any of this about you?

Can you explain why someone who is capable of driving around and walking their dogs needs to phone an ambulance!?

You’d have got an easier time if you’d explained the journey logistics up front OP. Of course your DH should have dropped your son home first on the 20 min trip then headed up to the aunt. A&E is not a place for family outings!

I think DH was thoughtless not to drive 20 mins to take your son home first. Also if your son is sitting in A&E until 4am (which is likely), and then they still need to drive 1.5 hours home, he’ll be sleeping for half the day! So am assuming will mess up any plans you had for his bday. So I would be annoyed too.

Is the aunt elderly or mentally incompetent? I don’t really get why she needs her brother to drive so far to take her to the hospital when she’s been ok for a week…

The whole thing is entirely unnecessary and I can see why you are frustrated.

If your DH's aunt is mentally cognoscent to be driving - she should have been able to sort her dogs out and got herself some medical treatment.

Your DH should have planned this entire saga a lot better. He really didn't think it through. It wasn't a sudden emergency.

I'd be fed up that my child was having his birthday spoilt because two grown ups couldn't be better at planning but hopefully you can have a really good day today and no harm done.

This is the kind of thing that builds resilience in a good, supportive way. Noone is traumatised for life from missing a bit of their birthday in an otherwise happy childhood. Gently, I think you are transferring annoyance around the elderly aunt situation (which i totally understand) to this specific point.

YANBU to think he should have driven him home first.

YABVVVU to suggest he drives him home now, and quite selfish to boot. Yes it’s far from ideal but it’s happened now; DA is now getting the help she needs which is the most important thing.

I like that your DH took your son with him it's all part of life's rich tapestry.
However your DH should be answering his phone that's not on, I loathe it when my other half doesn't answer and that's just when I'm at the shop and want to ask if we need milk!
As someone who had elderly parents similar to your aunt until recently though this sort of problem will recur I think. You and your husband will need a plan.

After much toing and froing, DH decided he would drive up to her house and take her to A&E after fishing, and bring the dogs back here

Where are the dogs? Were they sitting in car waiting? At home alone after all?

YANBU, OP. He should have returned your son home first. But what’s done is done. Are they home now?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Especially if you have plans for your sons birthday which its reasonable to assume you do!

I think you’re being a little precious here @NotSayingImBatman
Its a good life lesson to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around you, whether it’s your birthday or not!
Your son will be fine, as will Auntie, as will the cats and dogs.
Birthday treats can be postponed……

Ok he hasn't made the most sensible decision going to his aunt first but it sounds like the situation changed or evolved if he went from thinking dropping her off was ok to feeling like he needed to stay.

I can see why you'd prefer your son to be at home but I can't imagine giving my husband a hard time when he's in the middle of a stressful situation like that.

I assume there is some backstory where your husband is a bit of a twat and that's why you're so quick to anger with this?