To be cross with DH?

[NotSayingImBatman]

DH’s aunt is childfree and lives alone 1.5 hours from us. She had a fall on Boxing Day climbing onto the couch to reach a candle from a shelf and, despite us going over there on the day and offering to take her to hospital, she refused.

Today, one of her friends has text to say she’s had a few more falls since. She refuses to take herself to A&E but has been driving around and walking her dogs. When the text arrived, DH was fishing with DS (technically 13 as of an hour ago). I text her repeatedly telling her to call ambulance — she refused because no one was available to watch her dogs.

After much toing and froing, DH decided he would drive up to her house and take her to A&E after fishing, and bring the dogs back here (annoying, we have cats and the dogs attack them). He was supposed to be back by dinner time. Instead, he’s decided to sit with her until she’s seen, treated and discharged, which means my son is currently sitting in an A&E waiting room, 1.5 hours from home, ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

This is ridiculous, isn’t it? If he wanted to stay with her, he should’ve had the sense he was born with to bring his son back home and then go back, shouldn’t he?

I’ve just called him on DS’s phone as he was ignoring his own and he seems very put out that I’ve told him to bring our son back home immediately.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

Anyway OP I hope they’re back now and your son is enjoying his birthday.

Was there really any need for your DH to stay? Whenever I’ve been in A&E myself it’s been a drop off job and a phone call when ready to be picked up

How is OP acting precious? Her son is somewhere he doesn’t need to be on his birthday, probably bored miserable and tired with no indication of when he’ll be home. I’d that was a 6yo girl would you say OP was being precious?

YY, and the DH was meant to pick dogs up (annoying in itself to have to look after them) not go sit with her.

The funny thing is i bet if someone said they didn’t wanna leave their dogs at home while they sat in A&E no one would tell them they were precious, it would be “I don’t even leave my dogs to do the school run!” 😂

But WHY does he need to stay there? Is he pulling a shift?

He may well still be there this evening. My local A&E, in a sleepy town, is often 16+ hour wait

Come on, it was very obviously sneery. Have the guts to own it!

This! Presumably none of the posters saying different have been to A&E lately. I would not have expected her to be seen for at least 6-8 hours and would have said I'd take son home then return. He's been a wally.

Phone signals are often not good in A&E though so that might explain him not picking up.

Have you spoken to DS? Does he have a phone?
At that age mine would have wanted to go with his dad to keep him company, see what was going on, and to help with the dogs. He'd have been miffed to be sent home, birthday or not. And DH would have let him come as he'd have preferred the company too.
I agree it's perhaps not the most sensible option, and not what I would have done either, but men do often seem to evaluate things differently.
Your boy will be fine. Congratulations on your teenager and spoil him tonight once he's had a good sleep!

Your husband is a moron to not have dropped your son home.
A moron.
He had no need to bring a 13 year old to a busy hospital.
Not least on his birthday.
I too would be very pissed off with all of this.
I have zero tolerance with people making a manageable issue into a much bigger one which impacts others out of stupidity and stubbornness.

Yanbu OP.

Your child would have rather sat for an indeterminate amount of time in a waiting room than come home? Thats very unusual.

The elderly Aunt probably didn’t accept medical attention when it was first suggested because older generations are frightened of losing their independence. They have the idea that they don’t want to be a nuisance to the doctors. Also she would be worrying about her dogs. Your husband sounds quite a good man to stay with her. When your son comes home praise his empathy and patience for helping his Dad. You can do something nice together to celebrate his birthday when things have calmed down.

It all became a moot point. When I was speaking to DH, a nurse approached him and told him to either have someone collect DS, or DH had to leave and take DS with him. They arrived home at around 3am, his aunt was in her home by 3:30 with patient transport. I couldn’t collect DS, as we have a 10 year old disabled DS who was fast asleep in bed.

DH’s aunt is 70, and generally quite capable of looking after herself and her dogs, she just point blank refuses to allow anyone else to look after them, so refused all my offers to arrange dog sitters/boarding kennels etc. Anyway, she’s got no lasting damage, just a prescription for anti inflammatories and pain killers and instructions to take it easy for 3-4 weeks.

Your husband is an idiot (I can't understand some posters views here quite honestly 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️). Could he not work out for himself how much easier it would have been for all concerned to fetch your son home at 4pm, before checking in on his Aunt?? Surely that would have been the most sensible decision 🤷‍♀️

Everything else aside (birthday/dogs/number of falls etc) he has not thought this through at all, like an idiot!

Oh, and I’m not a harridan, while DH and DS are at the rugby this evening, I’ll be driving over to DAunt’s house with DS2 to walk the dogs, stock her fridge and push the hoover around. I do care about her, I was just tired and cross about the lack of planning of every adult involved in her hospital visit.

I'd admire my DH for helping his aunt. Yes, it would have been better if he's brough your DS home first, but he probably didn't think he'd be held up that long - he was thinking about his aunt.

If he drives back now, realistically, he will have to leave his aunt to get on with it by herself at A&E. He sounds like a kind and considerate man - that's worth valuing.

I get it! And it shows what a ill thought out move it was by dh that a nurse had to tell him to get ds out of there at 3am.

Well, not really. Neither he or DH would have realised they were looking at an indeterminate amount of time in a hospital waiting room. That's exactly my point of how we evaluate things differently. Most of the posters on this thread saw that immediately, along with the fact that A&E is not suitable for a child.

Pleased he didn’t spend all night there and hope you’re all having a lovely birthday for him! And to reiterate my point - you were absolutely right to be furious and have not been at all precious! Sounds like your DH and aunt have behaved like a right pair of drama llamas! A chat about a more sensible approach next time is needed I think. Enjoy your day OP

Does your husband live under a rock? He doesn’t know that A&E times aren’t prescriptive and it could take a long time? Really??

Or she didn't accept medical attention because she didn't need it, and at 70, actual be and independent, shea perfectly able to decide what she needs and when.
Your post is incredible ageist.

I don't need to own it. I didn't say it.

Just pointing out that OP being pulled up for being precious and unable to see it, isn't "sneery" of the other poster.

Shock, OP got all precious about it 😂

My husband is an engineer, so yes, to all intents and purposes, when it comes to real life, he lives under a rock. 😂

Eh? I know several engineers who would understand that A&E takes a very long time

If you said he lived in an underground base of the arse end of Chile if perhaps understand but I don’t see how being an engineer means you don’t know basic information about life in the UK

Unnecessarily rude.

So a perfectly fit and capable 70 year old fell a week ago, and was going about her normal, active life. Your DH drove up and insisted he take her to A&E against her wishes, when this meets none of the criteria for an "emergency". They sit there for 6 hours, taking up valuable A&E resources, only to be told the she should take some ibuprofen and paracetamol...so clearly, clearly not an emergency and no need to go to A&E. Your family is ridiculous.