Son has just told us he is non binary

[Chipshopninja]

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

I thought school guidelines had changed post-Cass?

And the cat thing is in part a misconception, as someone above has said.

They'd be well advised to do so. They're leaving themselves wide open for potential lawsuits otherwise.

There is a 14 yr old in our local school who identifies as a cat, the other kids refer to her as a furry. The school pays no notice - except the teacher did read out for mufti day that no ears or tails were allowed! The ridiculousness of it all was not lost on the class. But I do feel for this child who must be the butt of jokes

If this is true (I find it hard to believe)sadly this girl sounds seriously mentally ill & in need of counselling. I'm surprised her parents & the school are not liaising to help her to get the treatment she requires. All very sad.

It's part of the playbook though, isn't it? Trying to confuse parents, frame normal healthy parenting as abusive and harmful.

A bit similar to trying to get all the useful idiots to lump together middle-aged men who transition (often because they are self confessed AGP) with confused and unhappy teenagers. When these two groups have literally nothing in common.

Any other situation where middle aged men were claiming to be children's 'new glitter family' would rightly be seen with suspicion but too many institutions, including schools, have people whose brains have fallen out and who don't care about child safeguarding.

I would say OP's parenting instincts are spot on. She will know her child best. Interesting isn't it how those promoting the trans agenda say that the child should listen to their inner identity but try and talk parents out of their inner safeguarding instinct.

There's one on my Dds school too.

She is allowed to wear her cat ear headband in class.

I have no idea why they allow it. It's quite a woke school.

Sadly, it is true. We don’t know the girl as she is younger but it is a very caring, sensible school so I imagine she is getting the help she needs

Are you in Manchester? Just curious if it's the same girl!

It's schools preaching you can do anything/ be anything culture that is sending children into freefall causing them to become confused & not having a clue who or what they are. If this continues to be a trend in education I'm just grateful my children have left school. The chickens will eventually come home to roost. That's if they aren't already pupils.

I do find it strange that on Mumsnet EVERYONE knows someone / knows someone who knows someone who has a child identifying as a cat at their school.

I'm in London, and amongst kids I've discussed it with, so covering many schools, in some very woke areas, no one actually knows anyone who comes to school identifying as a cat, but everyone has been told about someone at some other school who does.

Why would I lie about it? She doesn't crawl round on the floor or eat out of a cat bowl at school but she's allowed to wear the ears and DD knows her quite well, she has a cat name but the school don't use that. Just her normal name. And she does things like brings crocheted fish to school and stuff.
It sounds funny but she is a really sweet girl and I think she's autistic and it's just something to hide behind socially.
Nobody is mean to her or bullies her.

Oh, some of the reports on here are eating out of bowls at school etc etc etc.

She sounds like my friends autistic daughter who also had a phase of wearing cat ears (though not to school). She is now in a goth phase!

Quite 😂

My kids like to pretend to be cats when they are playing. Ooo come to think of it , one is wearing a unicorn headband right now. it must be all those woke liberals trying to turn all the children trans!! 😱

Excellent post.
Insisting that a parent is a bigoted transphobe if they don't immediately agree with their child that they're the opposite sex or have no sex is standard behaviour. As has been seen on this thread. Along with repeatedly swerving the discussion to adults in order to avoid confronting the dreadful impact this has on children too young to give informed consent .

I think i would say that you are happy if they are happy, however to change to using different pronouns will need getting used to and that you might slip up and accidentally use he/him. Explain that this is not meant maliciously but that you will need time to get used to using they/them because you have been using he/him for 13 years. I’m sure they will understand and be happy that you are making the effort. You are effectively reprogramming yourself and until it becomes second nature, you will slip up occasionally.

I don't agree. I don't wear makeup or do anything particular with my hair and I've not received comments about it.

No, not Manchester

Same. I love a messy bun, rarely wear makeup/ dresses/ skirts, super messy and a crap cook. No one has ever for a moment questioned my gender. Nor have I.

It’s not like this at all. Although I don’t know the child, it is likely that she is autistic and has taken things too far, most likely because of her online consumption. Neurotypical children know where to draw the line, Neurodiverse children often do not and whilst this trend is now waning in schools, it is mostly neurodiverse children who have still to catch on that it is no longer cool.
As previously mentioned. It is a kind school that does not tolerate bullying and has a number of trans students who are also treated with the same kindness; teachers do not use new names or different pronouns and this does not seem to be causing distress. Some of the students use the new names when addressing these kids, others don’t but it is not causing distress either way.

I know, why would I question my own gender because I don't buy into ridiculous stereotypes. I'm comfortable being myself, that doesn't mean I'm suddenly not a woman.

I don't, so not everyone.
Although my daughter has a friend who wears some sort of tail and ears from time to time, not to school and I assumed it was a teen fashion choice. A bit like the ironic 2000s tutu.

A lot of kids seem to be going to the whole emo scene thing again which is quite amusing. And also the 2000s Paris Hilton, velour tracksuit/ Juicy Couture look.

To be perfectly honest, I would much rather my child was identifying as a cat right now as then we could get psychological help without having to worry about whether the therapist was critical or affirmative. And the therapist wouldn’t have to worry about being cancelled or being called phobic.

Exactly! And, thinking more on my response earlier, I find comments like this (no make up, messy bun or whatever) quite regressive. So you can’t be a woman if you don’t wear make up? That’s what that commenter was implying.

There’s no one way to be a woman. We can look like we want and we can do what we want. Being a woman isn’t dependent on how feminine someone is.