Son has just told us he is non binary

[Chipshopninja]

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

No. There are not.
There are children who pushed into an adgeda and not supported to feel comfortable as themselves.

It’s unfortunate that you and so many other people at the moment believe this because of false information spread on social media.

A lot of children are suffering immensely because of increasing intolerance, fear and hostility towards trans experience.

Nope. It's not the media.

Its reality.

The media has you believe that kids are in danger if they aren't given hormones and mastectomies

So you've acknowledged this child didn't actually feel like that and that she was groomed.
What if her parents had jumped to immediately affirm her belief that she was a boy?
Where would she be now? Would she have gone deeper down the rabbit hole or figured out out eventually as you suggest?

like I said, it’s really unfortunate that you have been led to believe that there is no such thing as being trans.
I don’t know about your child’s experience obviously, but assuming what you shared is accurate , it sounds horrendous and I am very sorry that happened to your family.

However, your mistake is extrapolating from your own particular experience and presuming it applies to everyone. There are families all over the country with trans children whose experiences are nothing at all like yours and who are suffering enormously because of the intolerance of views like yours.

Obviously we are not going to agree but it really does have to be said.

I believe adults can believe they are trans and can choose to be trans but I do not believe anyone is born in the wrong body.

It's a choice that some deeply unhappy adults make and it shouldn't be one that is allowed to he taken on by children.

And no it's not just based on my own experience it's based on hundreds of experiences of children's and parents in support groups I've been in over the last 3 years.

Intolerance?

So what would the tolerant thing to do, have been?

Allow my daughter to transition in the sake of tolerance?

There are children who are trans.

Are there? I have come to believe there are not. They have been told they are, because it suits a particular set of adults to have them so labelled.

I don't believe there are children who are in the wrong body, any more than there are children who really should have the body of a cat, or a horse, just because they think this is the case. I don't believe anorexic children are fat either because they say so.

I feel that in all these cases, these are children who need support to see that their body/sex isn't the problem, not that their body/sex is the problem.

Can trans exist in material reality when it's a feeling (belief) not a being (and there is no start or end point)?

It literally changes through a day according to some like Pip Bunce (Pippa/Philip a man who says he sometimes feels like a woman).

Some people feel a particular religion (belief) is correct, but they can likewise change their mind and cannot not force others to take on their beliefs.

Inclusion is about allowing non-believers to not be pressured to take on old or new beliefs and to be able to protect children from pressures to change.

Agree 100%

And if they still feel that way after 18 then they can look into transitioning. No child should be allowed to transition socially or medically.

@stomachamelon i really do appreciate the difficult position that you are in. And unfortunately in most, if not all, cases mental health is poor. It is great to hear that school is a safe space as bullying can be a feature in leading kids to a trans identity.
My child identified as non binary for a year before announcing they were trans and wanted to start hormones. I think for some NB is a step along the path to much more drastic interventions. It is not until it is your own child that you can truly understand though. And the lack of evidence based treatment for these young people is appalling. As @Dandelionsarefree referenced above, the medical professionals are at risk of being called transphobic and worse if they don’t go straight to affirmation and provide treatment to these young people when they self diagnose. It’s such a mess and should never have been allowed to get to this stage.

No being trans is not a choice- (at least in the vast majority of cases), and trans adults used to be trans children.

We aren’t going to agree, but it’s important to challenge false information.

I can see some parallels with anorexia @Barbie222. It seems to me to be a disconnect with your body in the same way that people with eating disorders aren’t attuned to their body and interestingly a lot of people with eating disorders are neurodivergent too.

I am challenging it.

Where is your proof?

You don't have any because it's all based of feelings. Which change

No child is born in the wrong body. We're doing them a tremendous disservice by allowing activists to persuade them that their discomfort with their developing bodies can be fixed by changing sex.

This is a massive experiment on children - never before tried. A grim psychological and medical experiment where even trusted adults are telling them that sex change is possible. The long term consequences for children and young people are unthinkable - giving up their future physical health, fertility mental health and more. The fact that so many "good" people lack the critical thinking skills to see the terrible harm being done to children is shameful.

Yet, there are many adult detransitioners suing Doctors who allowed them to medicially transition as a child.

Oh good lord. Honestly this kind of post should not be allowed

Indeed. And we don't treat children with eating disorders by giving them diet sheets. This is the only mental health issue for children where activists have been allowed to influence the treatment of these children - and society is now seeing the grim consequences. Hence the shutting down of GIDs and Cass attempting to locate the care of these children in children's hospitals where ethical medics will treat them with the same standards of evidenced medical care that all other children receive - rather than the substandard activist dominated "care" once provided at GIDs. .

It sounds like you are handling it well but I would be worried that the school are pushing it when he is there. What are they doing exactly?

Ironically this ideology promoted #nodebate, shutting down all discussion which is why transactivists have been allowed such open access to children and schools. It's only since journalists and campaigners for women's rights and child safeguarding have been allowed to speak out that people have realised just what's happening.

Yes. Children, and adults, with eating disorders would be given diet sheets. We don't just bully children to change. We support them and love them. And meet them half way.

When I first heard about the new belief of trans and read Keira Bell's story (being encouraged to change her body), it reminded me of being a teenager with anorexia. I didn't want any shape to my body and could have said I was really a boy if it meant stopping body development.
It makes me wonder how many young women will in the future sue the NHS for messing about with their minds and bodies.

Debate is fine- that is not what that post was. It’s not ok to body/ gender shame / sexualise trans women or for failing to pass. ironically the masculinised appearance of so many adult trans women that that poster apparently finds so salacious and grotesque - is because they did not have access to hormonal therapies in adolescence, so they are condemned to a lifetime of suffering that kind of contempt, disgust and judgement by people like that pp.

Im stepping away from this toxic thread now.

OP I hope you have heard some of the good advice amongst the noise . Wishing you and your family all the best x