Son has just told us he is non binary

[Chipshopninja]

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

that doesn't mean they aren't also nonbinary. you could easily consider that another aspect of neurodivergence.

one fandom I'm in has a lot of neurodivergent and gender diverse people in it. it's not uncommon for people to be both, and I would be very interested to see the figures for how often they correlate. some people mistakenly believe it's because autistic people are easily led (ha ha) but it's probably more that we don't feel te need to pretend to be something we're not.

You poor woman, you’re obviously doing your best. Where possible I’d ask him what he means by non-binary, be as calm and accepting as possible, and bolster his self-confidence in all areas of life as much as possible. It’s vital it doesn’t become a battle between you and that if and when he ceases identify as non-binary, he doesn’t feel like he’s losing a war or an argument or that it’ll be met with any kind of celebration (that just makes it super hard for anyone to get out of an entrenched position).

Ignore all this madness about it being weird and sexual for him to have told you he was bi at 11. It’s amazing he felt he could. As you clearly realised, it meant he had crush/romantic feelings for both sexes! That’s all! I was certain I was bi at 11 — by 14 I worked out I was gay. The ONLY reasons I didn’t tell anyone were fear-based. That didn’t mean I wanted to have sex with anyone at all at 11 or really at 14, I was just In Love. Best of luck to you.

I work with lots of young people and some of them are non-binary and some are trans and most aren’t, just as some are straight, bi, gay etc. regardless of this, the ONLY really reliable predictor of whether they’re happy and succeeding is the quality of their family relationships. Of course there are some exceptions, but! You can’t compensate for it. Without a good home life everything is a million times harder. I hope that’s comforting. He’ll be all right.

Mainly because a 13 year old can’t be ‘non binary’ because it quite simply doesn’t exist
Sex not gender
hope this helps

But vegetarianism can be a fad. It was at my school. I totally went with it. Some people stayed vegetarian, but most did not.

@MerryMaker @CurlyhairedAssassin I remember two who started early - 10 and 11 - but they were the exceptions. It was more like 12-14. I was 13, so perhaps I'm biased.

I would check the facts regarding school
I work in a school
if a child told me they were non binary/ gay or whatever, I would be super casual “ ok dear “ and personally I would avoid all pronouns scenarios but may humour them with a “ they” once or twice but then ( genuinely) forget about it
that is NOT the same as “going a long with it for months “ encouraging it or supporting it ,

it’s quite a trend at the moment like a previous poster said it’s goth 5.0 for this generation

I think I have a crush on you 😅

Thank you so much for that

@Helleofabore

I know two non-binary young female adults who have had double mastectomies and one takes testosterone. It really is misinformation to tell parents that being non-binary will not result in surgeries and hormones.

There are now nullification surgeries available too. Where non-binary male people can have their penis and testicles removed for a smooth body. Or they can keep their penis and have a cavity inserted as well that they can refer to as a neo-vagina. That way they have both. There have been articles about these services being offered privately in some countries.

This is a thread about an 11 year old child in the UK (presumably). The above information is scaremongering at best. It is extremely unlikely that this child will end up considering "nullification surgery". Honestly 🙄

I find non-binary quite offensive - it's saying
'I don't conform to male or female stereotypes' but by saying that it changes the word 'woman' to mean 'conforming to female stereotypes' - a few years ago a woman could be anything she pleased - not today.

Cross about school, they clearly need the DfE guidelines shoved under their noses. Nothing should be done without parental permission and other stuff .
And shove the cass report at them too while you're there.

It may be a trend, but it's a dangerous one. While I'm sure there are children whose gender identity will remain stable, and they may grow up to be trans or nonbinary (Shiloh Jolie springs to mind as an example), there are many more who are doing this because they are simply confused by having sex, sex, sex shoved in their faces at an age where they are too young to understand. Because that's what all this boils down to: Sex and genitals. We are doing untold harm to children by making them think about all this so young, in my opinion.

My post was in relation to other’s posting that being non-binary doesn’t lead to surgeries or hormones as a person reaches adult hood.

I have not once indicated that the OP’s son would be considering these surgeries. Perhaps you should read the posts rather than just jumping in to admonish me. 🙄

Have you not seen how these trends have spread like wildfire??

@Helleofabore

My post was in relation to other’s posting that being non-binary doesn’t lead to surgeries or hormones as a person reaches adult hood.

I have not once indicated that the OP’s son would be considering these surgeries. Perhaps you should read the posts rather than just jumping in to admonish me. 🙄

I read them. And I did say "It is extremely unlikely that this child will end up considering "nullification surgery", implying a future consideration, not a current one.

@ThatKhakiMoose

Have you not seen how these trends have spread like wildfire??

Which ones? Non-binary or nullification surgeries?

Ummm that is rather alarming.

A lot of us had our periods at 11!

Unfortunately a lot of us were also sexually abused so we knew what sex was too.

I knew I liked boys and girls at that age. White is that weird? Lots of kids have crushes.

I loved Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson.

Why wouldn't kids know what bisexual is? Most kids know what heterosexual is. Why would gay and bi be different?

You're right. I bet any child who came across some online male/female porn at the age of 10/11 would be a bit horrified and never imagine why someone would want to do that. Soon enough, the poor confused child could think "well, I didn't like seeing that, so perhaps it's not for me. I hear the word non-binary being talked about, I must be that then."

We really do need to protect our children from all this bombardment. It only causes immension confusion.

Anything to do with gender identity. Never in history have people thought so much about genitals and pronouns, it seems.

@ThatKhakiMoose

Anything to do with gender identity. Never in history have people thought so much about genitals and pronouns, it seems.

I'd question that, but what do you believe is behind the upsurge in this?

Sorry but 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lockdown, tiktok

And again I have also not suggested that the OP’s son will ever be considering these surgeries. To be extra clear, I don’t consider the OP’s son to be considering now or in the future having surgical treatment and I did not indicate otherwise.

I'm 50, and having periods at 11 wasn't usual in my childhood. It was 12-14. I was 11 in 1985, and sex, gender, identity, genitals, never crossed my mind. I guess I knew I liked boys, but I would not have had the language to articulate that as being straight. You never heard words like gay and straight when I was 11, and I think my childhood was all the better for it.

Feel very sorry for any child who was abused, obviously. That would take your innocence away, for sure.

I think it's terrible how life is so sex-focused for children as young as 11 today. I'm not in touch with what goes on in schools, but it does seem like they have gender identity shoved down their throats too young. The eighties were a halcyon time to be a child compared to today. The amount of confused children around is terrible. If I was a parent, I'd be explaining to my 11-year-old that some people fancy other girls or other boys, and that's fine, but he/she doesn't need to think about any of it until they're a bit older. I'd also explain that there are some very mixed-up people out there and they should ignore anyone who tries to talk to them about changing from a girl to a boy, hormones, surgeries, and anything of that nature. I'd say that they are grown-up topics for when they are older, and to walk away from any conversation of that sort.

I didn’t even learn what sex entailed until I was 12 never mind if I was gay or straight!

I'm sorry but I can't see any appropriate reason for an adult to have surgeries like that. If a grown man wants a surgically created vagina as well as his penis then he has a fetish or is mentally ill. If they want to remove all traces of genitals so that they look like a barbie doll then they are also mentally ill. A doctor mutilating a person's body in this way is absolute madness, but I suppose that some will do anything for the right price.