Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kissing grandparents

106 replies

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 14:42

Just wondered what everyone's take on this. My 5 year old sees her Grandma and step Grandfather on her dad's side every couple of months for a weekend. They have been together and married for 30 years. We go down as a family and stay for 1 or 2 nights

The grandfather always insists on kissing my daughter on the lips which I find a bit weird. Shall I say something or is it not a problem?

OP posts:
MistyF · 01/01/2025 14:43

do not allow this

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 01/01/2025 14:44

I wouldn't be comfortable with that and would be encouraging little one to blow a kiss instead. The additional germs/herpes risk isn't worth keeping him happy, imo.

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 14:44

If DD doesn't like it, tell him to stop, and tell her to tell him to stop.

Maray1967 · 01/01/2025 14:44

My DF and PIL have never kissed my DC on the lips. I find this quite strange and I would intervene to stop it. He does not have the right to insist she lets him do this - or indeed that you let him do it.

MinnieBalloon · 01/01/2025 14:45

It’s up to the child and what they are comfortable with 🤷‍♀️ If she didn’t like it I would tell him to stop.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 01/01/2025 14:45

I've never kissed my own children on the lips!

Kalasbyxor · 01/01/2025 14:45

Lip kissing anyone you're not romantically involved with is off. Tell DP to kiss his dad on the lips next time.

mumtoababygirl · 01/01/2025 14:47

No, absolutely not. The fact he insists on it is strange.

TeenLifeMum · 01/01/2025 14:48

Mn is weird about this. Do you remember the media uproar to photos of david Beckham kissing his daughter on the lips. In some families it’s normal and in others it’s less so. Neither right or wrong, just depends what your dd is comfortable with. My dd1 hates hugs from anyone other than me when she was little, now at 16 she’s very generous with hugs and can’t understand why she wouldn’t hug grandparents when younger. Vilifying a peck is rather dramatic imo.

ExceededUsefulEconomicLife · 01/01/2025 14:51

Some people are ok with this and some people aren't! You can only do what's right for you and your DC.

I personally can't stand this. My mum does it and even grabs your face so you can't turn. I don't hug her now.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 01/01/2025 14:53

I think lip kissing is weird outside of a more adult relationship and I’d be suggesting a different greeting. Regardless of that I think children should be able to set their own limits about their own bodies (obviously hygiene / medical interventions excluded when they’re still too young to have capacity to decide on that), so I’d follow your child’s lead on that.

polpolpolpol · 01/01/2025 14:54

MinnieBalloon · 01/01/2025 14:45

It’s up to the child and what they are comfortable with 🤷‍♀️ If she didn’t like it I would tell him to stop.

No it's not. He is an unrelated man and she is a child. It's up to her parents to protect her. Don't lay the responsibility for protecting children on children.

Thinkingofaholiday · 01/01/2025 14:56

MinnieBalloon · 01/01/2025 14:45

It’s up to the child and what they are comfortable with 🤷‍♀️ If she didn’t like it I would tell him to stop.

But the little girl might not be able to articulate that she doesn’t like it. OP you need to advocate for your little girl and put a stop to this. It’s inappropriate and best and creepy.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 14:57

Nobody has to kiss anyone or have any other type of physical contact unless they want to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 15:00

Hard hard no.

In no world does an adult man (especially a non-blood relation) get to 'insist' he kisses a 5 yo girl on the lips. FFS.

We told DD her body belonged to her, no one gets to make decisions about it for her, we would only ever insist for health reasons, and absolutely no encouragement or forcing to kiss or hug.

Even if it's entirely innocent and not a safeguarding concern, it's teaching her to accept abuse when it inevitably is tried. If he can insist, her teenage boyfriend can insist too. Teach her to say no, loudly and forthrightly if necessary. But in this case, you say no for her.

Zanatdy · 01/01/2025 15:00

I wouldn’t have a problem if child comfortable

polpolpolpol · 01/01/2025 15:01

Zanatdy · 01/01/2025 15:00

I wouldn’t have a problem if child comfortable

You need to learn to have a problem.

Bignanna · 01/01/2025 15:12

Kissing on the lips is an intimate sexual action imo, though I know many parents do this with their children. Just seems wrong and inappropriate to me.

Bignanna · 01/01/2025 15:14

MinnieBalloon · 01/01/2025 14:45

It’s up to the child and what they are comfortable with 🤷‍♀️ If she didn’t like it I would tell him to stop.

It’s not up to the child. She shouldn’t have the responsibility of deciding what is appropriate or not at such a young age. She’s hardly going to admit to not liking it, because he’s a grandparent. Parents should set the boundaries.

Zanatdy · 01/01/2025 15:15

Bignanna · 01/01/2025 15:12

Kissing on the lips is an intimate sexual action imo, though I know many parents do this with their children. Just seems wrong and inappropriate to me.

A snog is an intimate sexual action. A peck on the lips to a small child is not. I thought people were crazy when there was uproar over David Beckham, now I see many sexualise such an innocent thing.

Frubesboobs · 01/01/2025 15:16

Nobody should be kissing a child on the lips.

as the saying goes “lips are for lovers”

ohyesido · 01/01/2025 15:16

Yuk that needs to be stopped, very unpleasant for the child

MamaTrois · 01/01/2025 15:17

Not at all something I'd be happy with. We give our children a closed choice when we say goodbye to someone.

'It's time to go home now. Would you like to give Person A a hug, a high five, or say goodbye?'

We also encourage them to ask if the other person would like a hug or a high five or not.

Marshbird · 01/01/2025 15:18

Those saying they don’t kiss their own child on lips, are a bit extreme imhe.

theres strong links to weening and kissing to prepare food suitable for babies..jeez mammals do it with their youngsters! So, I think it’s natural instinct for parents and small kids and babies. Possibly grandmothers or aunts too doing mouth kissing as a natural instinct- but aunts these days will be mostly too well aware to think it’s ok.

but by 5-9 most kids will start to move away from taking comfort in mouth kissing but steer more to still having cuddles. Just like dropping breast feeding naturally. Again, all mammals take pleasure and reassurance in grooming, and in absence of body hair/fur cuddling is our grooming. Imhe, As adults we don’t touch in non sexual ways enough in some cases. Many older people who are isolated and lonely would massively benefit from human hugs for mental well-being. You can see this in good care homes where staff are still allowed to give short hugs. I’d very interested in studies between non sexual physical contact and depression 🧐

however, small child and male relative who’d not be involved in personal care like weening, nope. Not something I’d not question. GENERALLY. Smacks of lack of awareness, or something worse. BUT, it may also be because in a completely non harmful way , in 1950/60s when growing up his grandmother did this and he associates it with fond normal memerories of a close relationship. Just misplaced that he doesn’t get it might not be wanted here.

talk with him and grandma. Say daughter doesn’t want to, that you’re not keen…keep it light, don’t make a big deal unless he does. If he does, shut him down firmly…becuase if he argues it’s clearly not lack of self awareness!

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 15:18

@Zanatdy I don't have an issue with lips for parents, if everyone is comfortable.

But an unrelated step-anything, adult man 'insisting' on lip-kissing? Why on earth would you think this is OK? It's madness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread