Kissing grandparents

[Eddy334]

Just wondered what everyone's take on this. My 5 year old sees her Grandma and step Grandfather on her dad's side every couple of months for a weekend. They have been together and married for 30 years. We go down as a family and stay for 1 or 2 nights

The grandfather always insists on kissing my daughter on the lips which I find a bit weird. Shall I say something or is it not a problem?

It’s quite sad many look at loving relatives with such suspicion. I had uncles and aunties that always kissed us on the lips, absolutely nothing but love. I’d think nothing of a grandparent wanting a kiss.

Because majority of sexual abuse is by family, normally the grandfather, uncle etc. Hence why my children have never been unattended with family and certainly no one would ever be allowed to kiss them on their lips hell no.

@Zanatdy

It’s quite sad many look at loving relatives with such suspicion. I had uncles and aunties that always kissed us on the lips, absolutely nothing but love. I’d think nothing of a grandparent wanting a kiss.

It's not sad though, it's bloody realistic. Why would a grown man be insisting on kissing a small child on the lips?

Wouldn't worry me at all. If I ever have grandchildren then I intend to literally smother them in kisses!

However - you use the word 'insists.' Does he insist? That's not right. Do you suspect him of being some sort of paedo? If so, there's a bigger issue at play here

In what way does he insist on it? Like if they kiss him on the cheek he says no you have to kiss me on the lips?!

It's sad that more than 1 in 100 men finds children sexually attractive. I find that a lot sadder than women attempting to safeguard children from this.

Again, unrelated, male, insisting... no.

It’s quite sad many look at loving relatives with such suspicion. I had uncles and aunties that always kissed us on the lips, absolutely nothing but love. I’d think nothing of a grandparent wanting a kiss.

I remember when I was a kid climbing out of my window, going next door, and getting into bed with my grandma every morning, waiting for the teasmaid to go off. She was actually my stepgrandma, but I could not have loved her more. I get that it's different with a male steparent since abuse is perpetrated by men the vast majority of the time. Still, seems a shame to potentially curtail what could prove to be some important relationships.

I never even kissed my own babies/children on the lips. Cheeks or top of head, yes, all the time.

Lip kissing is weird whereas cheeks are just fine, it's the normal greeting in many cultures

@polpolpolpol i cannot possibly describe to you how few fucks I give about that.

And?

But you can have fantastic, close and well-meaning relationships without needing to kiss someone on the lips as you leave, or without jumping into bed with a grandparent in a morning.

Plus, in the OPs case potentially making a child uncomfortable, by possibly forcing them to have physical contact they don't want, certainly isn't going to improve relationships.

For me, lip kissing is purely for romantic partners. I've never kissed my children on the lips, the thought is really weird and I don't like seeing people do it. Foreheads, cheeks, of course - no problem. A definite No to grandparents kissing on lips, urgh. I don't come from a kissy family, though, and DH's are even less demonstrative.

I taught my DC they didn't need to hug or kiss anyone unless they wanted to - which caused issues with needy grandparents they rarely saw. But that wasn't my problem, or my children's. Body autonomy and consent is so important, even if it means a grandmother being miffed at not getting a hug or kiss.

My FIL has always done this with me. He’s always been v flirty too. He’s nearly 90.

Don’t allow it . Please .

Sorry, OP, it’s utterly inappropriate. My DGC will give their step-Grandad a hug, which as far as I’m concerned is quite enough. If my DGS prefers to hug me rather than give me a peck on the cheek, that’s fine - and if he doesn’t want to do either, that’s fine too. In what world is it OK for an older man to impose himself on a little girl and kiss her in the lips? I wouldn’t just be massively uncomfortable with this, I straight up wouldn’t allow it. If you don’t advocate for your five year old daughter, who else is going to? I’m sorry but the Grandad sounds creepy.

It’s up to the child and what they are comfortable with

I’m afraid that’s the kind of ‘argument’ a paedophile would use as justification, “Well, the child didn’t object/enjoyed it.” You don’t rely on what a child ‘feels comfortable’ with. You enforce behaviour within appropriate boundaries. If you’re not sure where the boundary should be, best to err on the side of caution. A quiet word - “We don’t want anyone to kiss x on the lips, FIL. Top of the head or cheeks are fine.”

Absolutely not....I had an uncle who always insisted on this....for years may I add....totally inappropriate

Me too ☹️

Oh dear! A lot of children don’t understand they can say no. This is how abusers get away with inappropriate behavior.

in this case, the parents need to enforce boundaries. If it makes the mother uncomfortable it has to stop.

simply say - oh no we don’t kiss on the lips - give Arthur a high five.

Nor me. A kiss on the cheek is fine.

It’s setting healthy boundaries and it’s being realistic.

The NSPCC estimates one in twenty children have been sexually abused. That is horrifying.

a man forcing a young female relative to kiss him on the lips is creepy at best. The parents need to teach this child that it’s okay to say no and they need to show this step grandparent that they will enforce boundaries.

It is probably just a silly old man putting his innocent wants first - but in too many cases it isn’t.

Unfortunatelt its attitudes like yours that allows these people to get away with horrific crimes against children:

OP not coming back?

Jesus. Please advocate for your daughter and tell him to back off. Would you let this happen if she were 16? He's a creep, and that's me being charitable.

Do you let him kiss you on the lips? If not why not?

Because it’s fucking weird?