Page 4 | Kissing grandparents

Longma · 01/01/2025 17:51

Bignanna · 01/01/2025 15:12

Kissing on the lips is an intimate sexual action imo, though I know many parents do this with their children. Just seems wrong and inappropriate to me.

For a huge a,Lunt of people kissing on the lips, unless a proper full on kiss, is not romantic or sexual at all.
I kiss dh in the lips a few times a day, some days. It's not sexual the majority of the time.

When dd was small we kissed her in the lips. It was a loving action and there was obviously nothing sexual about it whatsoever!

Edenmum2 · 01/01/2025 17:53

What do you mean by 'insists'? As in he doesn't give her a choice?

Alittlecake · 01/01/2025 17:57

Better to be safe that sorry. As others have said for the sake of avoiding anything contagious being passed through a lip to lip kiss as well as possible blurring of boundaries I’d definitely put a stop to it. Even if he was the bio grandfather I’d say the same.

If he genuinely loves his step granddaughter it should be no big deal - he can still give her hugs etc, there’s other ways to show affection to a child.

You get far more kids saying when they’re teens/adults “I hated that relative X kissed me on the lips” than I hated that relative X didn’t kiss me on the lips! Sometimes small
children aren’t able to articulate their feelings and sound the alarm at the time something uncomfortable is happening so it’s best to do what you can to safeguard them.

An adult could genuinely be doing it with innocent intentions, but that still doesn’t mean it’s in the best interests of a child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 18:04

I suggest no more posts about adults kissing children until the OP returns.

And I'm reporting just in case.

Frubesboobs · 01/01/2025 18:04

I agree @MrsTerryPratchett i have a feeling this is a weird troll post.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 18:10

Frubesboobs · 01/01/2025 18:04

I agree @MrsTerryPratchett i have a feeling this is a weird troll post.

I've reported. Not troll hunting because I keep getting banned.

Rowen32 · 01/01/2025 18:34

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 14:42

Just wondered what everyone's take on this. My 5 year old sees her Grandma and step Grandfather on her dad's side every couple of months for a weekend. They have been together and married for 30 years. We go down as a family and stay for 1 or 2 nights

The grandfather always insists on kissing my daughter on the lips which I find a bit weird. Shall I say something or is it not a problem?

It's disgusting he insists on it, I would never let that happen, it's giving me such bad vibes

Original poster

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 18:44

Wow - reported as I've not been on my phone like you all today. I was going to get my daughter to bed and sort through it then!!! People on here are very weird.

Thank you to those who have posted genuine responses. I appreciate it

OP posts:

Original poster

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 18:45

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 18:04

I suggest no more posts about adults kissing children until the OP returns.

And I'm reporting just in case.

You are very strange. I've got a life hun unlike you

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 18:45

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 18:44

Wow - reported as I've not been on my phone like you all today. I was going to get my daughter to bed and sort through it then!!! People on here are very weird.

Thank you to those who have posted genuine responses. I appreciate it

Reported just in case OP. Not having a go at you. But there are a lot of weirdos on here.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 19:22

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 18:45

You are very strange. I've got a life hun unlike you

Show quote history

Sadly some peoples lives do involve making false posts on here to get their rocks off talking about children being kissed or teenage boys in Uggs or all sorts of things you wouldn't imagine.
Its best that someone report any concerns so MNHQ can check.
If you are genuine (and I see no reason to suspect you may not be) then you have nothing to worry about do you hun?

OrangeSlices998 · 01/01/2025 19:30

My daughter is a similar age and we have many chats about choices with our bodies and I always ensure she knows she can say no to hugs/kisses and like PP will give closed choices as to how to say goodbye ‘how do you want to say goodbye to Uncle Liam, a hug or a high five?’ - I feel like this shouldn’t be an issue if you’re regularly reminding her of her choices and her voice.

How does he insist? If she kissed his cheek would he ask for it on the lips - weird. If she said no would he do it anyway? Is she even asked? I don’t find kissing kids on the lips weird, each family to their own, but I would if you can tell she’s uncomfortable/forced in anyway and especially if she isn’t asked or given the opportunity to say no.

Spudthespanner · 01/01/2025 19:37

Mumsnet is psycho about this. I won't engage with the thread further than this, because I cannot be arsed. But I've said on multiple threads before-

There is nothing wrong with a peck on the lips between an adult and child. I genuinely think there is a working class/middle class divide on this which shows on Mumsnet. Growing up very working class all children kissed adults on the lips and I have photos of me as a toddler at weddings kissing the bride and groom on the lips. This was always between close family and friends and is perfectly normal. It's cultural just as French teachers will kiss their pupils multiple times on each cheek.

What is wrong, however, is that grandad is "insisting". No child should have to kiss or cuddle anyone they don't want to.

Anyone troll hunting and getting their knickers in a twist over this is nuts. If you don't want to do it in your family, that's fine. But there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

Original poster

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 19:42

Spudthespanner · 01/01/2025 19:37

Mumsnet is psycho about this. I won't engage with the thread further than this, because I cannot be arsed. But I've said on multiple threads before-

There is nothing wrong with a peck on the lips between an adult and child. I genuinely think there is a working class/middle class divide on this which shows on Mumsnet. Growing up very working class all children kissed adults on the lips and I have photos of me as a toddler at weddings kissing the bride and groom on the lips. This was always between close family and friends and is perfectly normal. It's cultural just as French teachers will kiss their pupils multiple times on each cheek.

What is wrong, however, is that grandad is "insisting". No child should have to kiss or cuddle anyone they don't want to.

Anyone troll hunting and getting their knickers in a twist over this is nuts. If you don't want to do it in your family, that's fine. But there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

Thank you

By insist I mean he will bend down and hug her and say something about a kiss. He's a very touchy person in general. I just didn't like it thats all as she's getting older so

I will have a chat with her to see how she wants to greet family members

OP posts:

Original poster

Eddy334 · 01/01/2025 19:43

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 19:22

Sadly some peoples lives do involve making false posts on here to get their rocks off talking about children being kissed or teenage boys in Uggs or all sorts of things you wouldn't imagine.
Its best that someone report any concerns so MNHQ can check.
If you are genuine (and I see no reason to suspect you may not be) then you have nothing to worry about do you hun?

Show quote history

Thanks hun.
I was a little busy earlier so wanted to sit down later and spend sometime going through the messages.

OP posts:

polpolpolpol · 01/01/2025 19:45

By insist I mean he will bend down and hug her and say something about a kiss. He's a very touchy person in general. I just didn't like it thats all as she's getting older so

I will have a chat with her to see how she wants to greet family members

Have a chat with him. He needs to stop asking your child to kiss him.

Of course you should also be discussing body autonomy and consent with your DD, but the real solution is to tell the adult to stop.

ilovepixie · 01/01/2025 19:46

Jesus Christ why do people sexualise everything. I was kissed on the lips when I was a wee girl as were other family members. A kiss is a lovely way to show affection! These people who say I've never kissed my own children on the lips are very sad.

RM2013 · 01/01/2025 19:47

personally I wouldn’t be comfortable with this

UndergroundOvergroundWomblingFreeby · 01/01/2025 19:48

I never kissed my children on the lips. The only person I kiss on the lips is my husband.
So many people have cold sores, it's not worth the risk.

AnnaKing81 · 01/01/2025 19:56

Bigearringsbigsmile · 01/01/2025 14:45

I've never kissed my own children on the lips!

Me neither and we are all very close. He sounds like a nonce I would be concerned.

Bfmamma · 01/01/2025 19:57

My girl (and me in fact) kiss my dad and dad's side of the family on the lips. Always have and it's never been weird. Same with my mum till we lost her. However not my mum's side, don't know why but it would be weird. Totally depends on the relationship you have with the person, how both parties feel. Sometimes it's weird, sometimes it's not

rainxe · 01/01/2025 19:58

Wow this has been interesting for me! I am 36, still kiss my parents on the lips goodbye. I also kiss my children on the lips too.

I'd never insist on it, nor for my children either. If my child said no to kissing, we'd just say wave goodbye instead.

polpolpolpol · 01/01/2025 19:59

@ilovepixie

These people who say I've never kissed my own children on the lips are very sad.

In what way am I sad?

My children have grown up both feeling and being told they are loved always - I didn't need to kiss them in the lips to achieve that.

I'm not really against parents kissing their children in such a way, but I'm not having a go and calling them 'dad' for being different either. What makes you need to do that?

Bellyblueboy · 01/01/2025 20:04

ilovepixie · 01/01/2025 19:46

Jesus Christ why do people sexualise everything. I was kissed on the lips when I was a wee girl as were other family members. A kiss is a lovely way to show affection! These people who say I've never kissed my own children on the lips are very sad.

It’s the forcing it that is making people uncomfortable. It’s clearly not the norm in this family yet the grandmothers husband is ‘insisting’ a five year old girl does it.

that is a small red flag that can be easily dealt with - and an eye kept on the situation.

hopefully he’s just a bit of an eejit who hasn’t picked up on the child’s mothers discomfort.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 20:06

My DS was like a clingy Koala from a baby until about 4 and even as a 6ft 16 year old who needs a shave he barely leaves or enters a room I am in without giving me a hug. He is very tactile and loves a back rub from me and says "love you Mum" a lot and I NEVER kissed him on the lips after around 4 or 5 and he would be horrified if I did now.
People can choose to do what they want as long as all parties are fully consenting but not kissing your children on the lips is certainly not sad in any way nor does it mean you can't show affection in a physical way at all