To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

[LolaLemony]

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

Don't overthink it. I have a friendship group that grew out of a previous job, although only one person still works there. We are 44, 46, 59 and 62. Loads in common, we've been socialising away from work for over 10 years now.

I think it's very strange for people in their 40's/ 50's to be worrying about a 10 year age gap with friends.

I'm in my mid 30's and have friends ranging from 18 to 87.

Are you sure they're all that age? I have similar age DC and am a similar age to you, as are the parents of my DC's friends. I don't think it makes any difference to most people if you're a few years older anyway.

You are being ridiculous
You are old enough to be their older sister yes but
You can still be friends

Just invite them

I'm mid 30's and much prefer hanging out with older women. You tend to give less F's, more confident and at ease with life. I find it very clique with my own age group and materialistic in some respects.

You are overthinking it, go and have fun

One of my oldest friends, who I see most weeks, is 'oldest' in both senses. I have known her since I was a kid and she is 87 - almost 30 years older than me.

I have quite a few friends in their 70s too, some of them made in the past 5-10 years. I love having friends from a range of age groups, it gives you a much wider perspective on life. One of my closest 'mum friends' is 7 years my senior.

So don't worry - make the most of having friends a different age from you, and enjoy your DC as well.

Wouldn't matter a jot. Stage is often more relevant than age, so what you guys have in common in terms of your interests, where you are and what you want from life. The difference between 40 and 50 is really immaterial in my view. You sound like a lovely, fun, youthful person. I'd imagine you might get the initial "no way are you 50" reaction at the start and then it'll be promptly forgotten and you'll be one of the gang. I have a couple of mates in their 50s, they're probably just over 10 years older than me, I never even remember. If one of my mates said they didn't want to be friends with them cos they were older with no other valid reasons I'd think that was very odd. Go make friends, live your best life OP, this ain't a rehearsal

Yes absolutely, age isn’t an issue with friends as long as we get on. I really wouldn’t worry about this at all.

I have a school Mum friend who is 10 years older than me. I think your overthinking and anxiety will be a bigger barrier to your friendships than your age. Don’t push people away.

Believe it or not there is a greater than 20 year age gap between me and some of DC’s friends’ parents. I was very late indeed to the party and I struggle with the same question. Having thought about it for so long now, the answer for me is that depends on each individual parent and not on me. Age is only a part of it. Similar backgrounds, wealth and personalities all come into play. And as DC has grown (still any age 12) their friendships have changed, along with their attendant parents.

I’m in my 40s. My good friends range in age from 30 to 60. Stop overthinking it!

I’m 40 with a ten year old. The way I see it is I’m the same age as people closer to 50 with the same age kids. This applies slightly less to people aged early 30s with the same age kids but still mostly holds true.

id be upset you had a birthday party and didn’t invite me or were cagey in conversations where age comes up. It’s just a number. That would stop us becoming friends, not a number

My best friend is 7 years younger than me. It’s never been a problem. Some of my mum friends are 10 years older than me. Also not a problem.
I would say that over half of my closest friends are all at least 5+ years younger.

There are two possibilities here. Either A) you look your age and they already know you are around 50ish or B) you look and act significantly younger.

In scenario A there is no problem as they are already aware you are older than them and accept you. In scenario B there is no problem because although you are technically older than them, you fit in because of how you look and act. All you’d get if you told them your age is an ‘you look amazing, please tell me your secret!’

So basically, there is absolutely no issue here at all.

I have 3 DC with large age gaps so I've been both the younger parent and the older parent.

I was friends with many of those who did the school pick up, including grandparents and childminders.

It really didn't matter.

I have good friends that are 15+ years older than me. To be honest it's not something I've ever really thought about. Makes no difference to our friendship.

One of my very best friends is 15 years older than me - we met at work over 30 years ago and are still in touch, even though we live a long way apart these days.

Are you normally the sort of person who has lots of friends and makes friends easily? I've never been any good at it.

I was at least 10 years older than my children's friends parents. It only became noticeable when they were at seconday school. I was never close friends with any of them, just enough to have contact over the DC, but that was nothing to do with ages.
All I would say is that these are not people you are likely to have a long connection with.
Having said that you already seem very friendly with them. I wouldn't consider an age gap among adults to be an issue

I am 39 and I have genuine friends of all ages! One of my best friends is 50 - we had a weekend away together not long ago and she is wonderful, I don't even think about her age. Another very good friend is 75 - she was my mentor when I trained to teach many moons ago. She is also fabulous and my monthly coffee dates with her are a treat. Don't over think it

I met my husband and a number of life long friends (and their wives/husbands) when I joined a well known youth voluntary organisation as an instructor. We range from late 30s to mid 60s in age and regularly meet up and spend time together. Our children have grown up together. I really wouldn’t worry, I have many friends (and work colleagues) the same age as my parents and it doesn’t feel weird at all

I have good friends 25 years younger and 25 years older than me. It doesn't make any difference to anything

OP, I had ds at 45. I've gone through 12 years of ds' education and no-one has ever asked me my age. I don't even think about it.

I take the view that I still do everything any other parent does - work full time, raise ds, do parents evenings and host exchange students, exercise, hobbies, holidays etc so why would they differentiate?

Honestly, don't worry. No-one will even notice 🙂

I have a group of friends where the youngest is mid thirties with a baby and the oldest is mid 50s with three adult children - we all get on. You are really overthinking the relevance of age - even more so given you are all parents of children of similar age so shared experiences there.

I really don't think anyone cares anymore when they get to 30/40 plus do they?

I'm 38 and youngest dc is 7. The parents in his class range from about 25 to 50. They're just people 🤷‍♀️

Oh, absolutely yes. I wouldn't have seen it as an issue in the least