To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

[LolaLemony]

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

I am nearly 50 - my friend is about to turn 40 and we are having a spa day together - don't think my age has even entered her head.

I have good friends who are up to around 10 years older, and close colleagues who are 15 years younger, and I socialise with people at an activity who are up to 25 years older.

Generally I think if there's a gap of more than about 10 years, you're less likely to become close friends due to different life stage/life experiences (but I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions), but you can still have valuable relationships.

But in OP's case it's not even much of an age gap, nothing to worry about at all.

I am 50. I have a large friend group in my village where I live and we meet for coffee and lunch regularly. These women range from the age of 35 to 77!! The women who I would say were my closest friends are 65 and the 77 year old. I often call over to the 77 year olds house and we have coffee and chat. Honestly, age is nothing but a number and friendships can develop in the unlikeliest of places and with the unlikeliest of people. Try not to overthink it and just enjoy their company.

Don't worry about it, age is irrelevant. I've made very good friendships with people 10, 20 years older than me through work and they are genuine friends.

Honestly people can't tell really. I found out only after knowing them a few years that some mum friends were 8+ years older than me, never occured to me to think about it. Having kids in late 30s and through to mid 40s is really not unusual now.

In the kindest way I think you are absolutely bonkers to be worrying about this! I think stage of life is a more important factor than age. I had kids before most of my friends at the time and the group I socialise with now I met through NCT/school etc. We are all different ages from 36-53 I think and I love that.
The older ones have recently been an wealth of info around menopause issues and wonderful support through other issues due to life experience and I love hanging out with them.

My close friendship group, as a 62 year old, is from 35 to 79! You bond with those you share something in common with / interests with, not years.

Once you're over the age of about 21, it's very easy to be friends with people ten years plus older. Especially If you've got plenty of things in common in terms of life outlook and personality. I have friends ranging from late 20s to 92!
My mum's bestie is 20 years younger. They've been friends for 45 years. One of my closest friends is 20 years older.

Just forget about the age difference. Your friends don't like you because of how many birthdays you have or haven't experienced.

You are cutting yourself off for iilogical reasons. I am wondering why you would do that.

In my mid 20s I became friends with hung out LOADS with my friend who at the time was early 40s. We are still friends!

now in mid 30s and very good friends with a woman who is same age(ish) as my mum.

interests and attitude to life is more important to me than age when it comes to friends!

lots of people I work with are similar age to me but I wouldn’t want to be friends with them 🤭

Lots of my mum friends have been 50 to my 40. Simultaneously, I'm practically old enough to be some of my work friends' mum. So what? Age matters very little in friendship, and 40 to 50 certainly doesn't matter! Hasn't this ever come up for you before? I've had friends of a wide range of ages since I graduated uni.

Im 44 and one of my best friends is 58. Another really good friend has just turned 30! I think it’s all about personality and common ground. Age doesn’t come into it for me.

No, I didn't not invite anyone, I just didn't have the birthday party at all.
I didn't have one but not invite these younger mum friends.
I didn't have one full stop, even though I wanted to.
I still had a lovely birthday with my family and I really enjoyed myself, we went away together for a lovely few days.
But I'd have loved to have invited these lovely mum friends out with me for an evening to celebrate as well, but I didn't.

Have a half birthday or just a no reason party
Invite them

In 2010 the average age of a first time mother was 27-28 which would fit in pretty exactly with the parents of OPs eldest being 40 14 years later. If the parents of the 10 y/o's were their first child rather than the OP's second, it would make sense those are a little bit younger again.

But of course it is an average, so I would have thought a few would have been a little bit older (and obviously some to be a bit younger as well).

But of course it's not weird. Have you never been friends with people older/younger than you, OP? Work colleagues, for example?

Of my two closest friends, one is 10 years younger, and the other 10 years older

No, I find friendships really easy.
I have lots of friends, a variety of different friends, and many of them are lifelong friends from school, college, uni, work, etc.
I get lots of invites to nice social occasions and am regularly told by my friends that I am loved by them! It's just that they're all the same or same-ish age as me.
I also get along easily with all my team of colleagues who regularly invite me out for evenings out, I don't go half the time because I already have plans to see my own friends, and my colleagues try in earnest to arrange a date based on when I can make it as they say they want me there for the evening.
So I know people find me easy, friendly and enjoyable company.
I am not anxious or socially anxious.
I just have this weird worry about being an older mum compared to all the other mums! I have never had friends who are 8 to 10 years younger than me until I entered 'mum world'.

I'm 39 and my friends range from 36-48. Some with children and others without. I have a 2 year old after IVF etc so maybe I will be the older one when we get to the school stage. I hadn't thought about it before!

My friends range from 14 years you get to 10 years older.

I genuinely ne er think of their age. We get along, share many things in common and that's all that matters.

I think you're overthinking it. When I first read your OP I thought you were going to say you'd had your first child at 50 which would make you an older parent but you must have had your kids at 37 and 40 ish(?) which isn't that unusual and you must just be unlucky to have younger parents in your circle. I had my kids a similar age to you and many of the parents I meet are my age or older. Saying that, one of my closest mum friends is ten years younger than me and we get on great as we're so similar. The other two closest ones are all a couple of years older than me. I'm sure they don't think anything of it.

Throughout my life I've have friends younger, older and same age as me.
It's what you have in common and if you click that's important not age.
You are overthinking, I'm sure they like you and won't rule you out as you are older!

You will have far more in common with these women because you live a similar life with same age DC than you will lack due to being born at different times. The trick is not to other yourself and create gulfs where none need exist. So don't keep referencing your age and make 'when I was your age' or 'wait till you get to 50' type comments, and you'll find it's really not a thing.

OP I’m an older Mum too - I was 52 when my youngest started secondary school. 57 now.

I’ve got a couple of good “school mum” friends - one is 7 years younger than me, the other is 12 years younger. I find that it’s often stage rather than age that affects how well people get on. Having kids of similar ages, going through the same things, definitely brings people closer. Your 40 year old friends probably share more common ground with you than with their 40 year old friends that have toddlers.

I have a broad age range of friends that are younger or older, up to 15 years. Age has never been a factor, I either get on with you or I don't. I think you are more.concerned with your age then others are, and you are creating barriers that aren't really there

Has something been said to make that worry you?

I mean, round here aged 50 with a 13yo would not stand out at all. I don't think 50 with a 10yo would do either.

I stood out the other way, as I had my babies relatively young. At toddler group, I was the youngest by some way, in some cases by over 15 years, and I don't recall it being an issue. When I had #3 (6 years later) there were a couple of first time mums that were similar in age to me, but until that point, barring one other, I was very much the youngest mum at the group.

One of my best friends is nearly 20 years older than me. I have friends over 20 years younger through sport. No one's ever suggested we shouldn't be friends because of age.