To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

[LolaLemony]

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

I'm 42, my closest friend is 57. I've got another very close friend who is in her mid 60s. DH is very friendly with one of our neighbours who is in his 80s. I think if you get on you get on, I really don't think anyone will think anything of your age :)

I’m 47, 4 of my best friends are 27,28, 29 and 35. Sometimes they take the piss out of me and call me ‘mama’ (and each other sœur) as we have been to France. Sometimes they don’t get my cultural references and I’m old enough to be most of their mum’s but I love them so much (and they don’t seem to care that I’m an old gimmer!). Stop worrying-they probe already know.

This thread has left me wondering if I’m actually a massive cunt or suffering from horrendous B.O

People are friends with people of all ages. But I don't think that's even relevant because you're 50 and you're talking about people in their 40s. At this age, that's not really a big gap. I'm 40 and would happily be friends with a 50 year old. Also, people don't know your age until you're friends. A 42 year old won't be able to pinpoint your exact age! Don't overthink it

Age would not make a difference to me at all - definitely more about how you click with people rather than what age someone is. Especially if you have similar age kids then you may have more in common with the 40-somethings than people your own age. You’re definitely over-thinking this!

I have a friend 15 years older than the rest of the group. On her 50th we all organised a big party for her! It was a brilliant night and I am gutted that you would not have had a party for the reasons you've described - seriously, tour age is not an issue!

Don't over-think it. One of my dearest friends is almost 30 years older than me!

We met in choir about 7-8 years ago and just clicked. She was late 50s/early 60s at the time, and I was mid-30s.
Age is just a number.

Kindly, OP, YABVU.

These people are perfectly nice and friendly to you, do you really think you'll suddenly be persona non grata if they find out how old you are?

You were 36-37 and 39-40 when you had your children, that's totally normal. I know someone who had a baby at 46. She's 10 years older than me and we've been friends since I was in my early 20s and she was in her early 30s.

Age is just a number, you have every right to have friends.

Its the friendships you make which matter, not the age of you or your friends.

I'm confused - why has it made you feel this way? I'm sorry it has, but I don't understand why. X

I posted upthread.

I’m 44. I moved to an area where the people with the same ages kids as me are all under 30. I am really friendly, but aside from my youngest being the same age as theirs, we have fuck all in common. They don’t want to be my friend other than the odd play date. Aren’t interested in anything else I’ve asked if they want to do (come over, go out, anything).

People my age seem to have totally moved on in life, or to be honest, are just sat at bingo drinking.

Part of the problem is I’ve moved to a place where people never leave. Half the parents in dds reception class went to the school together. They all have family and friends alreasy and don’t want anyone else.

I’m so lonely I cry everyday.

I’ll be 71 next week (😱) Of course I have friends who are around my age, but I also have lots of friends who are mid 40’s to mid 50’s in age. They view me as a contemporary because I relate to them as women who still work or run businesses of various kinds, have school and kids and are not yet menopausal! It really doesn’t matter that you are a few years older (and wiser!!) … be yourself and relax.

My ‘mum’ friendship group ranges from one being 39 to one being 51 and everyone else somewhere in between. We all bring something different to the group and have a great time with each other. Age never comes into it.

One of my closest friends is 11 years older than me- we've been friends for nearly ten years, since I was 25 and she was 36.

I think she's implying she always assumed that the reason she doesn't have friends is because of her age, but now she has to find another excuse!

I’m 51 and my best friend is 61, I never give the age difference a second thought.

YABU. My best friend is 15 years older than me. Once you're in to your 30s, very few people care about the age of friends, and the ones who do are immature. The idea that you should only be friends with people within a couple of years of your own age is a modern one that comes solely from compulsory schooling and children being sorted into age-basedyear groups. Before that, the idea of only befriending people of the exact same age as you was unheard of.

One of my loveliest friends is 10yrs older than me - her youngest son was born when she was in her 40's and he became great friends with one of my children at nursery.

19 yrs later - this friend is still in my life and age is not an issue at all in our circle of friends. Not something we notice.

It is personality, kindness, humour and that little spark of "you are great and make my life just that bit brighter" that matters in friendships. Not numbers.

I don't think you're being silly. I was the opposite end of the spectrum extremely early to parenthood. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't awkward at the school gates most of the other parents were two decades older than me.

But I think if you're friendly and confident it is still possible to make friends and 8 years isn't that big of a deal

@Pancakeflipper
"It is personality, kindness, humour and that little spark of "you are great and make my life just that bit brighter" that matters in friendships. Not numbers."
I like this!
Thank you😊

Thank you everyone for your replies, they have all boosted my confidence a little and I am taking each and every one of your posts on board, so thank you for taking the time to reply!😊

I'm 20 years older than my (single) friend and as my kids are now adult, we are at similar life stages ie free to go out and to meet on our own.

Her best friends are in their 69s and 70s and she jokes about Care in the Community when they meet up ( a joke they relish, especially as they're more mobile than her during her flare ups)

As an older mum, I absolutely understand the caginess about age and feeling self conscious when everyone is younger, but they won't be thinking the same way

You sound tremendously popular OP. Good effort all round.

Not clear why you’re insecure about your age. I had a big party for my 60th - loud and proud. The majority of my friends are younger than me and I wanted to set a precedent for more parties.

When I was in my early 20s my best mate at work was in her 60s. If you get on then age is irrelevant.

My best friend is 50 and I’m 40. So I think you’re being a bit silly.