To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

[LolaLemony]

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

Im 43. My DC are 11 and 9. I have parent-friends from 30 to 55. It's a total non-issue.

I’m glad other people have good stories, but I don’t.

I’ve moved around quite a bit though, which never helps. I moved to where I live now when I was pregnant with my 3rd at 40. I’m very friendly, I went to baby groups with her like I did with my older ones, but all the mums I met were under 30.

I live in an area now where people tend to have children very young. Most of the parents in dds reception class are early 20s, the same age as my elder child.

I don’t care, but they do see me as older. I mentioned a quote of the office the other week, which I’m pretty sure most people in their 40s would have got off the bat. But god lover her, my 29 year friend looked at me blankly and asked what I was on about. I told her and she said, “oh yeah, I remember my parents watching that when I was a kid”.

I’ve made it clear that I would love to be invited out but I never am.

I’ve had it the other way round too, though. I had my eldest when I was 22 and I lived in an area where most of the other first time mums were mid 30s. They weren’t keen on me for that, either.

where I live now, other women my age act like thier life is over to be honest.

I had my first daughter when I was 23 and had the same fear as everyone was 10 years older than me but I made some great friendships with ‘school moms’. I was attending all their 40th birthdays when I was still in my 20s!
I don’t think age gaps really matter with friendships beyond the age of about 25/immaturity.

friendships grows out of commonality and shared experiences, which you have a lot with all these other ladies. You’ll be ahead of the game on menopause but that could be interesting. Just reach out and have those dinners and drinks. But maybe start off with the big reveal in the form of a 50th celebration?!

I’m 56. I met my primary friendship group (6 of us) here because our children all went to the same nursery (19 years ago now!). I am the oldest and the youngest is 45. It has never bothered us for a second.

I have friends of all ages , I’m 48 and my youngest best friend is 27 and my oldest best friend is 60, met both through work and just clicked.

I'm early 40s. My dh is early 50s. Kids are both pre teen.

Your age wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

We have friends of all ages. Some I don't even know their age.

Absolutely people will want to be friends with you!

I’m in my thirties and I have friends from their mid twenties up to their late forties and I love them all and enjoy their company hugely.

It sounds like these people already like you and enjoy your company and things are ripe to develop into deeper friendships.

I don’t screen potential friendships by age, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to 🤷‍♀️ If I like a person, and they seem to like me, if we have things in common, if we can have a bit of a laugh, if they seem like a decent, caring person - those are the things that matter 😊

Hi OP, please don't worry about age gap! One of my best friends is 13 years older than me. She's 40 and I'm 27, she has 3 children, I have none. It works for us both although we live very different lives

Don't think about it so much. I was 43 when I had DC. The average age mum at his first primary school was about 4-5 years younger. For me that didn't feel too different. 50 is a big milestone and I did feel a tad wobbly admitting it, but I knew I was younger at heart than many of the other mums.

When we moved the local school mums were generally younger. I was older than some of the grandmothers. During the first term, when I was meeting him at the school gates, DC came bounding out announcing that I was older than the head mistress. Said head mistress was lovely, but very stuck in the 80s styling. Think Laura Ashley red corduroy dress with tiered skirt. As we walked away, a parent said to DC, 'but your lovely mum looks much younger'. They were a great set of parents there. I'm still friends with one who isn't 50 now and I'm over 60 🤣

My eldest friends are in their mid 70s
Youngest - mid 20s

I'm 35 and my wife 37. We've got close friends in their 40's and older than that. We've recently struck up a lovely friendship with a former colleague of my wife's, and her husband who are both in their late 50's and they are some of the funniest, kindest people I've ever met and brilliant fun and we are organizing a weekend away together which we are both really looking forward to.

OP I was a teenager when I had DS and felt the exact same way with all the other school mums, worried they wouldn't be friends with me but in the end I made some great friend who were 10/15 years older and the one closest of them all was 20 years older than me I truly believe age doesn't matter as long as you have other similarities

My best friend of several decades is 10 years younger than me. We met as PhD students. I have friends in their late 20s, just a few years older than my DC, and friends in their 70s, who I met through shared interests.

Oh dear, you are being a tad silly. I'm 39, my youngest friend is 19 (albeit through a shared hobby so irrelevant what our life stages are) but the majority of my day to day life friends are around 26 years old. I don't care at all, I AM older than them. That's fine, nothing shameful about it. My eldest friend is 56. I met her at a neighbours bbq. I don't give a shit about her being older than me. It doesn't even really cross my mind.

I have recently met a new friend who is only a little younger 33, I think, and she is the first person to somewhat have made the age difference to be a 'thing' in our dynamic. Lots of jokes about old bones and needing naps and only hanging out with me to be in my will. Initially it irritated me, now I realise it is probably a clumsy attempt and flirting/banter. Ie, it's well meaning.

My friends are 5-6 years younger to 20 years older than me.

@LolaLemony sorry you are feeling so distressed about this. I would not find it an issue, but I just wonder if maybe you are coming towards menopause. It can cause a lot of uncertainty, as well as emotional vulnerability due to hormonal changes. Perhaps it's contributing to your unnecessary concerns.

I think you’re overthinking- if you have fun with them now, I definitely think you should suggest more opportunities to hang out!

If it makes you feel any better, I’m 35 and my partner is (a mature!) 25. I get along very well with all his friends, who are ten years younger than me, and they love me!

And going the other way, my best friend is 45, ten years older than me. And I adore her and couldn’t do life without her!

I’ve joined a sport and we now socialise they are all late twenties I’m your age and it’s fine! They didn’t realise quite how old I was though it doesn’t matter. My mother has friends only abit older than me that she met through work and sees regularly.

Having kids the same age is more important than what age the parents are, it means you are living similar lives. At my kid’s school there’s a huge age range of parents and it makes no difference, I’m 41 and have friends from the school who are mid 50s

My youngest friend is 24. The oldest is 83. Most of my friends are within 10-12years of my own age…58. Never a problem.

age wouldn’t matter to me at all OP

I find it very odd that you're worrying about this. I'm 50. One of my best friends is 37. I'm also very close to a woman of 95. I like them for who they are. They like me for who I am. Simple as that.

Stage rather than age is usually far more important. You are all in the same stage of life and have loads in common as a result. I’d think you have more in common with someone with children the same age as yours than a childless person your own age.