Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

No ‘great lengths’ required, a bit of compromise from both sides is all that’s needed.

Hopefully my breastfeeding for 5 years, often while out and about, will have effected some positive change? My kids see it as an entirety normal thing now even though older relatives didn’t when they were growing up.

Oh, but I did

Indeed. People are happy to claim that a homeworkers comfort trumps everyone else but only in a situation where they can throw women under the bus. I bet my life no one would say these examples are acceptable

“Unless it’s in front of granny” 🤣

You are only 2 months. Breastfeeding is so difficult, I don’t think it’s possible to know how what you want to do in terms of using a cover versus not or anything else related to breastfeeding until you actually get to that point. Just wait and see

So you support the right of a BF mum to be comfortable in her own home but as soon as she steps out the door, fuck her comfort?

Thank god the law disagrees with you!

I’ll ask again - why wouldn’t you WANT better for women? And what about the above scenarios - is it valid if someone is uncomfortable with say a child having a birth mark of their face and throwing them a shawl as long as it’s in their own home

Of course it’s great lengths if you are struggling, have a fussy baby, struggling to match, doesn’t like a shawl etc. These are all very common.

You know what’s never hard? Using your neck muscles and turning away

Funnily enough we’ll be helpful and respectful to ours daughters and daughters in law, not judgemental and difficult…

Mine are almost 8 and 12 and they’re already making me feel uncomfortable in my own home with the cavalier attitude to wearing anything other than underwear (DS, who
will often wear boxers and, if we’re lucky, a football top in the home) and VERY heavy overuse of So body sprays (DD, who has made it her life’s mission to smell like a tart’s handbag as my mother would say). I behave like the big girl that I am and accept it’s part of life and whilst I’d prefer trousers on and much less body spray, life doesn’t revolve around me. I’ll keep this stance long after they’ve moved out because I rather like my children and want them to always see my home as their home.

A shame a woman with adult children can’t do the same.

Yes I do know babies can be fussy and latching may not be straightforward especially at the beginning.

By not going to great lengths and compromising I simply meant OP could maybe talk things through with her mum - who probably has no experience of BF and doesn’t know quite what to expect. It’s clear her parents don’t want to see her breasts. She can explain there will be nothing to see while baby is actually feeding, and that latch on/off is the only time they need to work out a strategy for if they are uncomfortable. Maybe she could plan to just verbally let her parents know when she needs to latch baby on and they could look away as you say, or busy themselves with something else for a few moments. I’m sure they can work something out.

Maybe OP and her parents could accept that they’re from different generations and that that impacts on how they see things? That BF is very normal but that it’s something the older generation perhaps aren’t used to and acknowledge that they may struggle with it at first through no fault of their own. But they can try to adapt and OP can try not to take their discomfort as a personal affront.

So just talking and thinking mainly is what I mean. You can see things differently to someone else and still have a great relationship.

I found light muslins (as opposed to heavy shawls) handy myself. Not just to be discreet, but it’s good to have a cloth nearby!

This sounds like a lot of faff to persuade the people who love you the most not to discriminate against you. An easier solution would be the parents get over it

What an unpleasant and uncompromising attitude.

Why should anyone have to compromise with misogynists?

Would you expect a black person to persuade someone not to be racist? And if they didn’t want to they’re unpleasant?

Fortunately many of as are SO done with the #BeKind attitude of begging and reasoning with someone for basic human respect. Fuck that.

Yes I'm sure everyone thinks that.
It's a bit different when you're on the other side and being patronised and talked down to by someone who thinks they know best. Wait and see.

Why are you so hung up on this silly comparison with racism. Asking your daughter if she wants a scarf for bfeeding has is no way comparable to allowing racism in your house. You are being ridiculous.

seeing as the voting is currently 52% saying the poster is being unreasonable, perhaps you might consider that the majority think respect works both ways in human relationships?

Totally different situation.
It’s actually embarrassing that you’re comparing this to racism.

Seeing breastfeeding as a sexual act is incredibly niche. That’s more a you thing than a royal you thing. I don’t think your logical conclusion holds true for a lot of people. They may think an exposed breast is too sexual, but they wouldn’t see breastfeeding as sexual.

Most people accept that certain parts of the body can have sexual and non-sexual functions.

Would it be a win for you if you were sat in your mum’s sitting room breastfeeding and they turned around so as not to see it, or if they went to another room?

What gives you the right to impose your choice on other people in their home?

I wouldn’t treat my loved ones like that thanks

Why won’t you answer the question?

Misogyny - of which the anti-breastfeeding stance is part of, this is not under question - is perfectly comparable to racism.

Misogyny and racism are perfectly comparable

Like hands? But I’m assuming hands don’t make you uncomfortable?

What is it from my list that you don’t like about breastfeeding?

A baby doesn’t choose how it’s fed. Their right to feed trumps a half wit’s right to misogyny