Should she replace it? Part 2

[Langarg]

Starting the new thread ahead of hopefully having an update soon!

An expensive item was left at a hotel by a friend (brand new) - genuinely forgotten. The hotel initially were helpful but then evasive with said friend. At that point I picked up the phone and spoke to the duty manager and after having been told they didn’t know about it I then said that I must involve the police as we knew it was left there and it must have been stolen by a member of staff. The item was returned within 3 days of that call. Perhaps suggest to your friend that this will have to be your next course of action and she will need to help file the report as she knew the details…

Wow, shes a CF of the highest order!!

Your mate pisses me off as much this year as she did last year. I really hope you get this sorted soon as she is taking the piss. 🤞🏼

Sorry, OP I’ve been following and just can’t get over how your friend has reacted.
A friend of mine once asked me to look after her sunglasses whilst we were on the beach - she was going in the sea, I wasn’t. We were all hungover. At some point they must have fallen off my collar where I’d clipped them and as we were leaving I realised they were gone. We found them further down the beach, now unwearable.
I was mortified, she was gutted (they were designer and expensive) but it was a total accident and she told me not to worry about it as she’d asked me to look after them so she took some responsibility.
I ordered a replacement within an hour, because that’s the right thing to do! Admittedly, I wasn’t £500 down, but the fact that the air wrap is so expensive makes it even more pertinent that it should be replaced!

right. I check EVERYWHERE before leaving a hotel room. even the drawers, even though I've never used the drawers in a hotel for my stuff, EVER. behind shower curtains, under the bed.

I would reply to this with 'I know, nightmare! The last either of us need in 2025 is the faff of Small Claims Court! Plus it will end up costing you more cos you'll have to pay the court costs!

Don't worry about all that driving, just get to Boots (£100 off at the mo!) and drop it round, then we can both relax and enjoy the rest of the week!"

And then on receipt of said mythical object, I'd block her.

“Hi CF, happy new year. I’m sorry you loosing my air wrap took a shine of your wedding - please don’t feel bad, these things happen. Definitely looking forward to leaving all this behind once I’ve received my replacement.”

So, which bit has "taken the shine off" her wedding? The bit where she lost/stole your expensive haircare device? That doesn't seem to have overly bothered her. The bit where you refused her suggestion she get a second hand one off some random on the internet to "replace" yours? Also didn't seem too bothered. Or the fact you are expecting her to take accountability for losing/stealing your Air Wrap? Why would that take the shine off her wedding? Having to cough up several hundred pounds would put a damper on things...

I agree. She is trying to guilt you into backing down by saying that, and letting her get away with losing/stealing your property.

Yes I have said this since early in thread one and OP either ignored or didn't see then someone else said the sake thing and now you have. She should totally do this! Just turn up unannounced especially now today when it sounds like the friend will be hungover so won't have her wits about her. Just turn up say you wanted to wish her happy new year in person, take a bottle of wine or something else she likes get her drunk then go upstairs for the loo and look in her room. Turning up unannounced will mean if she really has got it she won't have hid it most likely so will be just on her dressing table or somewhere else in sight. Take it back and maybe give her a slap on the way out!

Dear God, how could she have so little self-awareness?! 😤 It's her behaviour that's the issue here, not yours. Yes, she's absolutely trying to rewrite this situation with her being the victim - utterly un-f*cking-believable! 😡 Please tell us, OP, that even if you get your original AW back (or a like-for-like replacement) you will quietly ghost this idiot until she is categorically no longer part of your friendship group. I honestly don't think she will ever learn the error of her ways.

@peacockbluefeather exactly! Losing something belonging to a friend and having to pay £500 to replace is gutting, but I’d be pissed off at myself, not trying to deflect onto my friend!

nahh, she'll SAY she got it there, but get secondhand, refurbished or knockoff.

maybe a good idea is check if they're in stock in town, and tell her that you want to put it all behind you too, so how about a girls day out, during which she can got to boots/argos and buy it while it's still on sale, and you can have a coffee/lunch together.

and then once that's all behind you, it's up to you were the friendship goes from there. but it's a less confrontational approach and may make her feel less defensive

how about a girls' night out???
What, with the OP paying?

coffee and a light lunch is a small price to pay to make sure of getting an authentic and new replacement, instead of a knockoff or nothing at all.

AND if she wanted it "left in 2024" she'd have bought you a replacement in 2024!!! CF! 😡

The suggestion was a "girls' night out".

I would reply "Shall we try that message again without alcohol/ in the clear light of day LOL!

Let me make it very clear: you have misplaced an expensive item that I lent you in good faith. I expect either the original item back, a new replacement of the same model, or the cost transferred to my bank account today.

After which we can leave this matter behind us.
Many thanks x"

If no response from that, then small claims court.

Include a link to the Boots sale price of £400 at the moment; tell her she can always 'return' it if the original 'magically reappears' during her 'trip' to the hotel tomorrow to see if it's there.

"I don't want to quarrel with you Lucy but it feels like you're trying to manipulate me into dropping the topic of my airwrap. I haven't done anything wrong by asking for it to be returned or replaced. Please don't accuse me of taking the shine off your wedding, that's not fair. The airwrap is mine and it's okay for me to want it back."

Just be honest and polite.

Don’t be ridiculous.

You should take her on Judge Rinder.

If her borrowing a £500 item then being careless enough with it to not ensure that it’s packed up (or, more likely, her being appalling enough to steal it) has taken the shine off her wedding then that’s entirely on her. She’s an absolute dick.

I think the police one is the best way forward.
Hi friend.
I called the hotel, as I told you.
I think we should go together to report a theft. Let me know which day works for you.

You have got to be joking, surely?

Honestly, I hope the friend IS reading these threads.

How dare she try to make you feel badly about this. She borrowed this expensive item, she lost it, she needs to replace it. That's what a friend would do. Full stop. If she can't afford to replace it, she shouldn't have been borrowing it in the first place.

And it has nothing to do with her wedding, it has to do with her being a CF.

Stay strong, OP.

If you need a response to that message? "Oh yes, I do value our friendship, which is why I was happy to trust you with something I'd saved for so long to be able to afford. I'm very sorry that you've misplaced it, but I should not be out of pocket for an item that I loaned you in good faith. I look forward to you being able to arrange a replacement so that we can move beyond this."

etc.