To think it’s time to leave. (Well make DP leave)

[LeopardPrintIsNeutral]

Posting for traffic. As I’m in turmoil.

Long story short. I think it’s game over

together ten years (since I was twenty). One DC aged 4. Ddog
Mortgage (tenants in common) (he contributed 10% of our deposit and none of the mortgage. I paid 90% of the deposit and all mortgage)

problems.
he’s a bit of a cocklodger. Barely works. Doesn’t ever bring in a reliable income.
he doesn’t like the things I like. For example having a glass of wine once or twice a month. I am not allowed alcohol in the house. He does not have a drink problem, he just thinks only alcoholics drink at home and he thinks it is a bad example for DD.
he doesn’t like peircings or tattoos whereas I do. He made me remove my septum piercing and gets very angry when I talk about wanting to get a tattoo. Not a spur of the moment thing, something I’ve wanted for years.
he spends all his time on video games won’t help out with DD and do school runs when I’m at work. He wants me to throw out all my clothes as I’ve got too many (two drawers in a four drawer chest and half a rail in a normal wardrobe

he doesn’t want to get married or want anymore children which is very important to me.

he never wants to hang out or join us in doing anything. Won’t come to events with DDs friends where other dads are. Won’t come to the park farm etc, has never taken DD out on his own. Shameful

I wonder if it is time to call it A day. I am only 30 and he is 45 in March. So I think I have been conditioned to live his life. Prior to this I was groomed from the age of 14-19 so I wasn’t in a great place to understand healthy relationships.
i just think I am still young. I could have the life I want with DD.

I am scared to be a single mum. And I still love him deeply. But this just isn’t right is it. We are not compatible
I need to hear it from someone else.

sorry for the waffle. Please tread lightly.

thanks in advance

No, it’s not right. I would have ended this a good while ago. He’s a cocklodging boy gamer with controlling tendencies. I can’t see anything good here.

It's only going to get worse not better

Move on

He doesn’t contribute to the house with love or money, effort or care or consideration. He’s a useless lump. thank god you’re not married.

You have been groomed again @LeopardPrintIsNeutral

You absolutely need to leave him. Can you buy him out of the house?

He needs to go. Doesn’t sound like he’s bringing much to the party. You and DD can do better

Dont listen to the emotional blackmail from him and there will be plenty. All of it nonsense obviously

Leave, leave leave! I left my DH at 34. DD was 4. It's the best thing I've ever done. I love the life me and DD have. And I've had my house happily for 8 years on my own!
You can do this. He will be a dick about it and make your life hell, but keep going. 6 months of pain and you can be free and having the Christmas you want next year.

Yeah. Shut the door on him and ask him to leave. Give him what he paid into the desposit and let him be

So what does love mean to you? You say you love him deeply and yet he doesn’t seem to like you much, do much for you or your child- so where is this love and how does it manifest itself?
If you could free yourself from believing you love him you’d be making a good start as yes you do need to leave him. You and your child deserve more!

Please tread lightly.

Nobody is going to flame you, it's PERFECTLY reasonable in these circs to want out. Trust yourself.

Please split from him. I promise you that the only regret you will have is that you didn’t end it sooner. 💐

Omg go go go you are so young this is no life for you or your child.
You do nothing together.
He does nothing with his own child.
He contributes next to nothing in monetary values.
You only get one shot at this life move on be free, get your tattoos buy clothes meet someone on your wavelength have more children.
Live the life YOU want, now.
2025 can be the start of your new life.
Goodluck x

Thank you all. I needed to hear this. I can definitely buy him out. I’ve got a reasonable job and his share was so minimal I could probably do it in cash without remortgaging or anything. So that’s one less stress.

Go. Now. If you put up time will fly past and you could miss out on something really great

Dear lord. You should be thankful he doesn't want another child or to get married. Get rid of the rubbish and start a clean slate in 2025.

Are you afraid to be a single mum? I got news for you : you already are. He doesn't want to do anything with you and his daughter because he wants to play videogames. He won't allow (!) you having a glass of wine and he made you (!) remove a piercing because he didn't like it.

He's not contributing financially or emotionally to your family and he's also controlling and abusive. Make him move out as fast as you can. For you but also for your DD.

Absolutely this !
You say you love him but reading what you say he certainly is not worthy of your love , you sound strong and amazing ,so much more awaits you !

Then there is literally nothing to keep you with him.

What a nasty bastard he is - I’m glad you’ve seen it @LeopardPrintIsNeutral

Oh god leave. Literally kick him out with his precious gaming console. He isn’t worth it

I hate to say this but you already are a single mom. Time to live the life you want.

Omg get rid of him!

Get rid! My friend had exactly this set up and left it until she was nearly 50. They were married by then. He absolutely rinsed her, took half the house although he had hardly worked, she worked full time and he did nothing at home. He also took half her savings and pension. The solicitor’s bill for her was £40k. He also never spoke to his daughter and has now cut his son off from the daughter by manipulating. My friend is 12 years down the line and now really happy and with a man who is nothing but green flags.

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

that became my New Year’s resolution a long time ago, stole it off someone else.

I have never seen a Mumsnet vote at 100% you are not unreasonable this far in. You need to leave.

You posted this 27 minutes ago, 73 people have voted, all votes have been you are not being unreasonable, 100%, so there's your answer!
You deserve a medal to have stayed with him as long as what you have

That is all bizarre. How can such an old man pull such amazing young woman. So sorry for you