To think it’s time to leave. (Well make DP leave)

[LeopardPrintIsNeutral]

Posting for traffic. As I’m in turmoil.

Long story short. I think it’s game over

together ten years (since I was twenty). One DC aged 4. Ddog
Mortgage (tenants in common) (he contributed 10% of our deposit and none of the mortgage. I paid 90% of the deposit and all mortgage)

problems.
he’s a bit of a cocklodger. Barely works. Doesn’t ever bring in a reliable income.
he doesn’t like the things I like. For example having a glass of wine once or twice a month. I am not allowed alcohol in the house. He does not have a drink problem, he just thinks only alcoholics drink at home and he thinks it is a bad example for DD.
he doesn’t like peircings or tattoos whereas I do. He made me remove my septum piercing and gets very angry when I talk about wanting to get a tattoo. Not a spur of the moment thing, something I’ve wanted for years.
he spends all his time on video games won’t help out with DD and do school runs when I’m at work. He wants me to throw out all my clothes as I’ve got too many (two drawers in a four drawer chest and half a rail in a normal wardrobe

he doesn’t want to get married or want anymore children which is very important to me.

he never wants to hang out or join us in doing anything. Won’t come to events with DDs friends where other dads are. Won’t come to the park farm etc, has never taken DD out on his own. Shameful

I wonder if it is time to call it A day. I am only 30 and he is 45 in March. So I think I have been conditioned to live his life. Prior to this I was groomed from the age of 14-19 so I wasn’t in a great place to understand healthy relationships.
i just think I am still young. I could have the life I want with DD.

I am scared to be a single mum. And I still love him deeply. But this just isn’t right is it. We are not compatible
I need to hear it from someone else.

sorry for the waffle. Please tread lightly.

thanks in advance

Chuck the bugger out. He’s bloody lucky it’s taken you so long to come to your senses.

Seriously? All that and you wonder whether it's time to call it a day? What would be your reason not to?

You were groomed, a 35 year old shouldn't be going out with a vulnerable 20 year old - that's not ok.

It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders. I doubt you actually love him,you love the facade and promise of what could have been.

No need to be scared of being a single parent, nothing is worse than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't pull their weight.

Do it tomorrow and start the year afresh, the first year will be hard but 2026 will be fabulous. No, doubt there will be emotional blackmail, when he inevitably threatens to kill himself as they always do the correct response is to ring the police fur a welfare check, he won't do it again and whatever you do dont take him back.

Thank goodness you are not financially dependent on him and get shot of him asap for a new start in 2025 😀

He doesn't love you. Start 2025 with clearing him out. You are single anyway.

I was in similar situation to you.

I left, never been happier.
I've got two young kids and yes it's hard and I'm exhausted but I was doing everything anyway but, I have less stress and one less person to be pissed off at constantly.

Do it.

Thank you so much everyone. I appreciate it so much. I am worried as he has absolutely nowhere to go. I own two cars, so he says he will sleep in one of those. Which is fine. But then it starts. If he lives in a car he won’t get to have DD. His life will be shit and not worth living. And so it goes on. It makes me wobble. But you’re all so right and it really is time to put DD and I first

What exactly is it you love about him? I’m not trying to be funny but I can’t see any value that he brings to yours and your dd’s life.

Agree with pp, this arse has also groomed you.

It’s bound to be painful for you, but you’re right. You are young, this man does nothing to make you happy and you are already essentially a single parent. You say you love him, but maybe you just love the dreams you had for your relationship.

Can you list the characteristics he has that you love?

not your problem
see a solicitor, get the house sorted and get him gone

happy new year. 2025 will be your year

us single mums get on ok, wont lie to you, sometimes its tough but you will be ok

He is an adult and responsible for himself.

There are Travelodge, Premier Inns and family and friends. Don't let him sleep in your car.

He can have DD at libraries and soft play centres or swimming pools until he sorts himself out.

Ill say it again, he is an adult and not your responsibility.

This will bells on

*with

If he doesn't want to live in a car then he could perhaps get a proper paying job and earn some money? You know, like the rest of us? And if he cares for his daughter he will make an effort to sort his life out so he can be part of it. Either way he needs to take responsibility for himself.

And yy get down on your knees and thank God he's too stupid to want to get married.

Get him out. He sounds dreadful

No no no, he doesn't get to put that on you, and no he isn't being condemned to living an awful life forever by your leaving him.

He could get his shit together, couldn't he?

He could put one foot in front of the other, like we all have to, and I'm sure he'll be really motivated to do that so he can maintain contact with his daughter, right?

Or is that little bit of emotional blackmail just for your benefit?

Refuse to be manipulated. You are responsible for yourself and your daughter only.

Go and live your beautiful life without him. Happy new year!

Listen to what you said

"HE doesn't like"
"HE doesn't allow"
"HE thinks"

HE is not your boss.

If you separate, his problems ARE NOT yours. Tell him to get out and go and do some real adulting.

NY2025 Resolution 1. Set myself free.

You can buy him out and start afresh! You have an excellent start to new beginnings! Make it work for you.

He is bringing you down and you realise this. You are young, move on to a new, good life.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clear AIBU vote, OP. He needs to go, asap. You’ve got this! Life will get better.

If you were my daughter I'd tell you the following
He's too old for you
He's a miserable shit
He's a rubbish dad
You can do better
LTB
Have a tattoo
Have another piercing
You're young, be happy with your daughter
Being a single parent with enough money is fabulous

If you want to break up because he is controlling, financial unstable, and you are incompatible in general, then proceed at your will.

if your primary motivation is another child, then I would rethink your decision. Breaking up a family just to give your child a half-sibling is not necessarily going to make you and your child happier. She will have less time with her father and adding a step-parent to her life could bring all sorts of complications.

Splitting up is perfectly fine and likely for the best, but only do it if you are ok with whatever happens. You might end up single for a very long time and with one child for life. Dating isn’t going to be your highest priority for the next few years as you help your dd with the transition.

"If he lives in a car he won’t get to have DD. His life will be shit and not worth living."

So? You aren't responsible for him. He's a grown-ass adult, and his pathetic life is 100% of his own making. He uses the "poor pitiful me" act to manipulate you because he thinks you're stupid or soooo in lurve that you'll put up with anything. Dump him today.