To think it’s time to leave. (Well make DP leave)

[LeopardPrintIsNeutral]

Posting for traffic. As I’m in turmoil.

Long story short. I think it’s game over

together ten years (since I was twenty). One DC aged 4. Ddog
Mortgage (tenants in common) (he contributed 10% of our deposit and none of the mortgage. I paid 90% of the deposit and all mortgage)

problems.
he’s a bit of a cocklodger. Barely works. Doesn’t ever bring in a reliable income.
he doesn’t like the things I like. For example having a glass of wine once or twice a month. I am not allowed alcohol in the house. He does not have a drink problem, he just thinks only alcoholics drink at home and he thinks it is a bad example for DD.
he doesn’t like peircings or tattoos whereas I do. He made me remove my septum piercing and gets very angry when I talk about wanting to get a tattoo. Not a spur of the moment thing, something I’ve wanted for years.
he spends all his time on video games won’t help out with DD and do school runs when I’m at work. He wants me to throw out all my clothes as I’ve got too many (two drawers in a four drawer chest and half a rail in a normal wardrobe

he doesn’t want to get married or want anymore children which is very important to me.

he never wants to hang out or join us in doing anything. Won’t come to events with DDs friends where other dads are. Won’t come to the park farm etc, has never taken DD out on his own. Shameful

I wonder if it is time to call it A day. I am only 30 and he is 45 in March. So I think I have been conditioned to live his life. Prior to this I was groomed from the age of 14-19 so I wasn’t in a great place to understand healthy relationships.
i just think I am still young. I could have the life I want with DD.

I am scared to be a single mum. And I still love him deeply. But this just isn’t right is it. We are not compatible
I need to hear it from someone else.

sorry for the waffle. Please tread lightly.

thanks in advance

This. He is basically living the life of a teenager despite being older. This won’t get any better. Don’t fall for the inevitable emotional blackmail. Sounds like he doesn’t do much with your child anyway.

Go and get a huge tattoo also!

Hello. Just to add re your updates. He’s a grown man who should be able to take of himself. If he says he will have to sleep in the car and won’t be able up see your daughter, well then he needs to sort himself out. He is not your responsibility. And as far as I can see he’s not adding much to your life or that of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up thinking this is a healthy dynamic for a relationship. I know it’ll be a scary leap but you can do it. I think you will feel lighter once you’ve moved on from him. You sound like an amazing woman with a lot more life to live, go and enjoy it! Good luck x

This is emotional blackmail and is intended to stop you kicking him out. He doesn't care about DD because if he did, he would take her out and spend time with her.

Kick him out with the cash deposit so he'll have some ££.

Yuck, he isn't a man. I had one of those and getting rid was the best thing I ever did.

Yeah I guess, but as she said he's a 'cockloader'... Doesn't seem fair.

If they bought a £300k house and paid 15% deposit and he paid 10% of that then she only owes him £4,500, surely? (Plus any uplift)

Don’t be scared of being a single mum! I’m a single mum to twins (been one for ten years). It’s brilliant! I have the loveliest relationship with both of them. We don’t always have loads, but that means my kids know the value of stuff and aren’t entitled. You’ve got this 💪🏻💪🏻

Totally agree - hopefully he’s not on the mortgage, or if he is, she paid more in mortgage payments than his half of the increase in value, so with any luck it could work out without cost to her.

But it really does remind us that you need to keep the romance out of financial agreements. Keeping fingers crossed that OP has it all sorted.

What an utter loser who clearly targeted you.
Only a 35 year old creep goes after a woman that young.

Hes a loser creep.
Is this what you want for your child?
A lazy selfish loser.

Get him out.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and start work on yourself before you think of a new relationship.

Read "Women who love too much". and
"Why does he do that?"

Arm yourself against any further losers.
Your daughter deserves better.

Get a big tattoo first. That will motivate him!

@LeopardPrintIsNeutral I did this a few years ago, but I had counselling beforehand. It really helped keep strong, got advice and kept me resolute.

It’s not your problem where he sleeps. You own both cars, keep him out of them. Make sure you put the V5 docs where he won’t find them and take the keys!

He will guilt trip you, say awful things and likely be angry, but get legal advice and just follow the process.

So pleased you’re not married.

Best thing I ever did! Wishing you well.

As others have said it will only get worse. If you’re unhappy now and don’t have shared hobbies and interests then I’d say follow your heart and break free. Why should you change so much to please him when he sounds like he’s so set in his lazy ways allowing you to run around working and parenting, no doubt cleaning cooking etc.
you are still young and although becoming a single mum is very daunting I was in a similar situation to you and moving into my own place where it was just me and my child was so calming and I felt so empowered that I could finally relax and not be treading on eggshells living by someone else’s forced rules.
it sounds like you need time on your own with your DD to reflect on what you want and need for your future and most importantly to heal from past trauma. You will be absolutely fine I promise. It’s a good idea to check what help you may get in the way of universal credit/tax free childcare/council tax reduction etc on ‘entitled to’ or ‘turn to us’ if your working and have any childcare costs.
Please don’t let yourself stay stuck in a miserable controlling situation and regret in years to come that you didn’t try for more children if that’s whats important to you xxx

Get shot of him.
A lazy ass man will never improve.
Work ethic seems to be innate in some men, and completely absent in others.

Kick out the controlling dosser.

You and your daughter deserve far better!.

Dumpster Time for this sorry control-freak OP. He puts precious little into your house and thinks he can tell you how to live in it, down to how much space you have in the wardrobe. Not to mention his dictats on what you do with your body. He's already awful, what's he going to be like in another ten years? You've taken some important steps. Keep going, don't be guilt-tripped and get rid of him. You deserve so much better.

@LeopardPrintIsNeutral My Husband left us between Christmas and New Year many years ago.

I was in a financially dire straits, but kept hold of the house and was able to buy him out {I got two lodgers in}.

It's not as bad as you think.
With money behind you and a good job, you are laughing!

@LeopardPrintIsNeutral get rid!

I understand it's scary to make such a big change, but it sounds like deep down you know ending things is for the best. He's the only adult relationship you've known so I think you've ended up putting up with far more than you should. You deserve better.
He was 35 when you were 20...that is a significantly large age gap. He was already a fully grown man with a fair amount of life experience, whilst at 20 you'd just entered adulthood and the beginning of getting to know yourself.
End things whilst you're still young, give yourself the chance to really find yourself without him and build a life of your dreams for you and your child.

No he hasn’t. Having your name on a bit of paper means nothing if the other person can prove they’ve paid for it.

2025 is your year

How did he manage to exist in the world when he was a man of 20, and you were out there playing as a little girl of 5? He managed then, and he will manage now.
He is no role model for his own daughter, and you deserve, when ready, an equal relationship. Not one with a man like this who has clearly targeted a vulnerable young girl.
You are only 30. You are stylish and savvy and have the resources to do this, plus your family’s support.
Men like him are resourceful in that they don’t live in a car for long. There’s always a mate with a sofa.
At 45, he’s like having an elderly grandad live with you.
You deserve better. You only get one life, OP, grab it and live it.
Wear what you want, ink away, and have a 2 glasses of whatever you fancy tomorrow.
Do not feel guilty.
Leave that in 2024.

Love is great, but it doesn’t do the dishwasher.

Mills & Boon, swept off your feet love is great in the beginning but it’s what’s left when that first rush of excitement wears off that really matters. You also need to be respected and I’ve come to realise that the best way to feel respected by a partner is for them to listen to you and show you that they have listened. Even having a partner that actually listened to you would be a start.

He’s too old to change and they only get worse as they age.

New year, new you. Ditch him, get a tattoo and an extra wardrobe full of clothes. Embrace life and show your daughter what living really is.

All the best 🥂

Why put up with a lazy twat who earns no money and can't be bothered to look after his DD. Thank god you aren't married or he could take half your property, kick him out and Ignore any suicide threats.

GET RID!!!! 45 and playing video games? Life-long loser; things will never get better

I was so pleased when I read that you have the where with all to buy him out OP! Does he even own one of the cars? If not, then let him have it, but deduct the value from what you pay him for his part of the house deposit. He simply doesn't deserve to get ANYTHING further our of you, as he's clearly been sponging off you for years. Do you have any men in your family who would be happy to come and change the locks, and be there when you tell him to go? If so, utilise them, it will make things easier if he starts trying to argue or playing the emotional blackmail game. Get it done, and get it done NOW!! You've already set the ball rolling to start 2025 in a positive way by making contact with the solicitor, so keep up the momentum, and keep coming back here if you feel you need an extra push. We're all rooting for you!

HAPPY New Year OP!

This. The 10% he put toward the down payment doesn't even come close to covering what he owes you for covering all of his expenses this entire time!

Enjoy your glass of wine!