To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

Yep, someone who thinks "how do you know the host" or "have you got plans for the holidays" are nosy, personal, interrogations aren't going to be showing up to hobby groups in the hopes of meeting people and making friends.

So true @BalonzHadASupersoaker

Absolutely agree. The amount of people I've seen glued to their phones when they're out with friends is ridiculous. Do they just text each other?!

My DH can be a wee bit shy, but he'd never dream of doing either the phone thing or grunting one word answers. It's not that bloody difficult; didn't they learn social skills in school?

I'm with you, OP. Your attempts to draw this man out sound perfectly normal and friendly to me, and I'm a bit baffled by a lot of the responses here. I know someone like this who's impossible to talk to, and on the (thankfully rare) occasions when I have to spend time with her, our conversations go much like yours.

Me: So how have you been?
Her: Fine.
long painful pause
Me: Do you still go swimming often? I remember you told me you like swimming.
Her: Yeah, sometimes.
long painful pause
Me: Have you been on holiday anywhere nice this year?
Her: No.
Me: gives up and wanders off

I know some people are shy and socially anxious, but is it really that difficult to say 'I'm OK, thanks, and how are you?' in response to a question rather than just answering 'Fine'?

The guy clearly was giving off "leave me alone" signals. Kind of hard to miss? 😂
Nothing can be worse then pushy overly "friendly" strangers you have no interest in.

You're "mean" you just tried to correct someone elses post by rewriting it!
Childish and rude of you.
She wasn't the host it wasn't her party , he wasn't interested.

She didn’t miss them? That’s the point of the post. Maybe you missed her signals.

There is literally no requirement to constantly and incessantly talk bout nothing, with people who you know nothing about and who have no desire to talk to you.

Getting to know people “organically”? What? By standing near them until they say something you happen to be able to organically join in? Someone has to speak first. This is normal conversation and it’s baffling how confused some posters are by this interaction.

Ok, posters who dont like to be interrogated. Am shortly going to be joining a choir where I know NO ONE. Everybody else has known each other for some 5 to 10 years. So I will be the odd one out.
Is this interrogation?:
(1) Have you been singing long?
(2) Have you come far?
(3) That is a lovely jumper/ scarf/bag.

It's so funny, I knew that half of MN would be on here saying "How dare you ask a stranger questions?" They're the same people who never answer their front doorbell or speak to anyone on the phone, I bet.

I wasn't there, sunshine.

People will show interest - smile, make eye contact, answer you questions? 😂

😊 Yes, she worked out he wasn’t interested, that was the point of her post. I don’t think she thought she was hosting either?

I so dislike people I have never met before asking intrusive questions.You sound over bearing ans self centred OP?
You put a poll and now you being told you are unreasonable,you are defending yourself! Bizarre.

It was an appalling attempt I'm afraid.

He was there to celebrate his friend's birthday, whereas you probably made him feel like he'd just turned up to court!

Be less intense.

True. My absolute favourite birthday parties have been when the guests who don't know many/any others sit in total silence and will only communicate with me, rebuffing all attempts from my other friends to be pleasant and include them.

Because we want to support someone. Or because we enjoy these things in our own way. I spend a lot of time at gatherings and parties sitting in a corner, doesn't mean I'm not watching everything and enjoying myself. It just means I'm autistic and do things a bit differently.
Oh and OP you would be my idea of hell, someone I don't know trying to force me in to a conversation. Of course I could turn in to your idea of hell if you got me on to the subject of running and exercise.

Well, I’m sure that was for the best, petal.

My understanding is that if you want to find out a bit more about someone and get them to open up a bit, try to avoid asking questions that can be answered with one word, and think of questions that need a sentence or more to answer, that might give you something to continue the conversation.

He may not have been trying to be rude, or even realise it was coming across that way.

I have autism and because of that I am extremely awkward in social situations and have massive anxiety surrounding it. Your line of questions honestly would have been my worst nightmare and I probably would have come across as very awkward and rude, even though I would be keen to become friends. It isn't easy for everybody.

@BalonzHadASupersoaker do you remember my point about you might find yourself amusing and others don't?
That is you and me. 🥱

Probably totally outing but I do occasional work as an extra for film/tv. When you turn up you are in a room with complete strangers, you rarely see the same people twice. You know there is going to be a LOT of hanging around. So you grab a coffee, plonk yourself at a table in the holding room and start small talk with people - how was your journey, did you have an early start, what was the last thing you worked on, do you think the catering will be any good, what do you do when you're not filming, have you got kids etc etc etc etc. Because the alternative is you sit there like a lemon speaking to nobody for 12 hours straight.

Most people are MORE than happy to have a chat and I have met so many interesting people, best response to the "what else do you do" question this year was "I perform as a Kylie Minogue tribute act".

Lots of people on MN appear to have massive struggles with the concept of small talk, being friendly and getting to know people. Then post threads about how they have no friends, no support network, how all the mums at the school gate are bitches who ignore them.

I wonder why.

They’re just being contrary on purpose, they’d say the opposite if she was posting from the man’s perspective.

Sign me up! It sounds like the best fun ever.