To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

No, this is genuinely normal. Asking questions to find common ground is normal. Rebuffing every question with a short answer and not asking anything back is quite abnormal. I’m sure he had his reasons but I’d say his social response was the unusual one.

He clearly wasn't interested in talking to her.
She didn't read the social cues
She is now online complaining about it and seeking validation

Agreed, although I feel a touch of anxiety when I get asked that because my job is very non-standard and technical, so can be difficult to explain to someone who really wants to know in a short paragraph.

I would be careful with this as to me that sounds like pointless whittering. I would rather have someone ask questions tbh.

Personally, I think if you go to a social occasion you should attempt some basic civility. It's kind to the host.

C’mon then…enlighten us with your ‘icebreakers’ 😁

Quite a cruel post. Maybe he just didn't want to talk to you or maybe he had things going on or mental health issues and it took all his courage to go out and your response to it is that he should "fuck off".

Yup. They're all very simple questions designed to spark a conversation; totally normal, and it's very easy to chat about more interesting things by a back and forth. It baffles me how some people find it odd. How else do they meet people?! You don't generally walk up to someone, plonk a newspaper down and ask them their thoughts on Marx and Engels. Social chitter chatter greases the wheels.

I’d be pretty pissed off if I had a birthday do and one of my friends sat there and refused to interact with the others. If I knew someone struggled with social interaction or was going through a difficult time, I’d probably give other guests a heads-up in advance.

@Lentilweaver yes but you should also be able to relax and enjoy yourself , just because you both know the same person doesn't mean anything.

Can you spell “hypocrite” op? 🤣🤣

You were at a party, in 2024, and you’re going up to strangers, interrogating them and asking them what they do for a living. You weren’t the hostess, this wasn’t at your house, or at a venue that you booked. You were a guest. A guest.

This sort of absurdly formal behaviour was fine several decades ago at a formal event. Most people get to know strangers at parties organically, through conversations they both might be part of for example. They don’t accost them and start firing questions at them.

You need to learn to recognise social cues. It was apparent from the first answer he wasn’t interested in being interrogated by that lady that’s been going round the room, asking strangers what they do for a living and how they know the birthday boy

Oh my good lord in heaven😀 There is no way to win in this situation.

I meet a lot of people as I am currently expanding my friendship circle.
I am shortly going to be attending a hobby group where I know no one.
Nervous now about interrrogating people.

she was trying to be friendly. It’s not that deep. Unless you’re just trying to be mean?

Exactly. It's not the OP who has poor social skills. A normal person who was asked how they knew the person whose birthday it was would say something along the lines of "we both work for ABC Widgets, he's in Marketing and I'm in Accounts" not just "work". Or "we both work for ABC Widgets, but that's really boring and I much prefer playing the guitar / walking my dog / going to the cinema".

You know, having A CONVERSATION like normal people do in those sorts of situations. Mind you, we are on a site where people don't open their doors and treat every stranger with the utmost suspicion so I'm not surprised that basic social interaction is beyond so many.

This .Unfortunately crappy non existent conversation will only get worse, because people are glued to their anti social screens. I grew up before mobiles and the only way to learn about people and the world generally was to make conversation.

Not true, icebreakers can help find some common ground to initiate a more interactive conversation. I speak from experience and I am an introvert that finds large social gatherings tiring, but when it is a family event I will go as a token of support to the family at the very least.

This feels like you’ve set yourself a challenge 🤣

Come on, 3 words or less, what do you do 🤣

How do your conversations with people you’ve not met usually go? I’m fascinated to understand how to have a conversation if the other person is giving nothing. Do you not ask anything and just walk off?

Perhaps John is not comfortable speaking to strangers and just wanted to attend his friends birthday bash.

Just because John is not as social as you, doesn't mean he has to be a hermit!

I have a child with selective mutism, I am not going to keep him locked away because he can't communicate in certain situations. We come across attitudes like yours often because god forbid someone feels precious that he hasn't spoke to their little prince or princess and of course they play the rude card! Ironic hey!

@RayKray my DH and DS are both autistic. We don’t have parties at home and I try to politely disinvite them from any we are invited to. I go on my own and I’m fine with it. I understand how uncomfortable they find those situations.

However, some social gatherings are unavoidable Eg. at school, weddings, funerals etc. Both my DH and DS understand that in these situations it’s really rude to not make conversation. Being autistic does not mean that you can’t learn new things. We helped DS learn what to say in small talk conversations and because he’s not rude, lazy or unintelligent he got the hang of it and does it quite well, just like his autistic dad. There is no reason to not make an effort sometimes. Yes, it’s not easy and it’s tiring but it’s polite and politeness makes people feel good and social engagement is essential for your mental health autistic or not.

Well again that’s where reading body language cues come in - if you’ve got someone quiet and a bit monosyllabic but they are smiling and making eye contact with you and have an open body stance. Are actively listening and nodding along to your chat then you can assume they are just a bit quiet and not a ‘sharer’ but are happy to be in the conversation.

OP hasn’t shared what John’s body language was doing - when she approached him with a big smile and a hello, did he reciprocate the non verbal part of the conversation?

Oh my Christ.

Thing is did he refuse to interact with everyone or just the op.

A lot of people getting all puffy over I wouldn’t want a friend invited to my party not talking to anyone. But for all we know he just didn’t like the op and spent 2 hours chatting to Derek or Lucy just didn’t like the vide from the op… or hadn’t drank enough yet 😅