To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

Wow - you are very unpleasant.

Seriously autistic brain here, but he's wasn't your mutual friend, he didn't know you from Adam, had never met you before.

Surely it was the host that was the mutual friend

You don't sound like hard work OP, you sound normal. I'd chat to you at a party and I'd go away thinking "what a nice person fairy was, she made the effort to introduce herself and involve me in conversation, how nice"

And I'm not the only person on this thread who thinks YWNBU either so ignore the boring people and hope you never bump into them at a party.

You’re all over this thread putting people who might be less sociable than yourself down. I don’t see the need for it, personally.

There you go he was blandly polite which while not fun for you is the acceptable base level for strangers interacting at an event.

I think it’s accepting that we are not interesting to all other people that can take some work - and not push people to engage more than they are interested or comfortable with for our own entertainment.

The consequences might be he doesn’t make as many new friends as you do - but that might be his ideal.

Have you taken any of the responses about social anxiety etc into consideration? Because at this point it’s you who’s looking like the rude one

Also I’d have loved to chat with you in a similar situation - I like it when someone makes the effort at a party.

Not interested in continuing a conversation with you does not make someone boring.

The only thing it makes them is not interested in continuing a conversation with you at that time.

What would be boring is it every person in the world was exactly the same in all situations.

No, you're right. They weren't boring at all. They were clearly very engaging and interesting. A real conversationalist. Life and soul of the party. It wouldn't have been exactly the same event had he not bothered to show up at all.

I really don’t see how this post is putting anyone down.

There is hypocrisy and projection in the thread, lots of aggression and hostility being directed at the OP.

It’s exhausting when everyone is trying to be the life and soul of the party though - nice to have a mix - social greasers like the OP and calm quiet types to quietly sit by for a breather every now and then.

#teamJohnANDteamFairy

Perhaps it meant something to his real friend who invited him, that he was there.
I know some very introverted people. If I'd not made the effort to continue being friendly with them over the years despite them being extremely quiet during most initial interactions then I'd never have learnt what wonderful interesting people they were. And that would have been my loss.
And actually this includes my husband who I'm in love with.
He's also an extremely quiet person who was very reserved when I met him.
Imagine if I'd just written him off as boring because it was too difficult to get to know him!!

I'm getting so weary of the tiresome social anxiety excuse. It's not a free pass to be rude.

Many people have emotional issues and still manage to comport themselves with basic manners.

I agree, I was at a party recently where someone behaved like that ( monosyllabic answers) and I have vowed to walk away from those type of people in the future, if people can’t make basic polite conversation they will find themselves standing alone like wall flowers in the corner and if they want people to converse with them they need to make a bloody effort like everyone else.

I’m not even a very chatty person but I make an effort, people who can’t be bothered I’m not going to bother with

Do you know what I find boring? Someone who needs everyone to want to engage with them.

Maybe this guy had been invited to the brunch, and accepted because he likes Graham. But then had a really rubbish week and would rather have been at home. Or ended up with a really low social battery by that point because of other events we (and OP) have no idea of. But he went to the brunch to not let Graham down, because he's a good guy.

He had no energy left to fully engage with a complete stranger (who based on this thread has no clue how harsh she might come across). Gave polite responses. Then OP has taken so much offence to this that she's posted online saying he should just fuck off. And other people have jumped on calling him boring.

Someone not wanting to engage in conversation is allowed. It doesn't make them boring, simply because at that particular point in time they didn't fancy a chat.

This is it I think. It's OK to be introverted and quiet, it's not conducive to a decent society to be rude,dismissive or so insular that you can't bear to engage in general pleasantries.

That’s fine if you don’t want to engage in conversation but do you also want to find yourself standing alone like a wall flower because that’s what will happen if you don’t make an effort, I have no intention of keeping someone company who is rude enough not to engage, I will walk away from them and so will most other people

Omg.
People aren't all effected in the same way.
Some people with autism are completely none verbal.. guess we should just tell them to get a grip and stop being rude.
Obviously some things effect people to a big extent.. but that same thing might only effect someone else slightly and they are able to overcome any issues they have.... and then everything in between those.
Honestly.
You think it's a free fucking pass to live your life with an illness or disability or condition that makes day to day life often very hard...
Have you heard yourself?

I think the problem is your questions are very prescriptive and interview-like.
Theyre abrupt from someone you happen to be placed at a table with. You sound like you read a socialising book and are miffed that others aren’t following the script.

It sounds as though he's a self-absorbed clod with zero social graces.

And it's disrespectful of his host to snub the hosts other guests, too.

Guests have responsibilities when they accept an invitation, one of which is to hold up their end of conversations. Not sit there like an audience instead of a participant.

Who is raising people to be such lumps?

I have no issues with being on my own. I like my own company. Many people do.

I have friends who I have no other mutual friends with. I'll go to their important events, and I'll be polite but if I come away still having no mutual friends with them, I'm ok with that.

I like quality in my social group, quantity isn't required. As long as people accept me for me, I'll accept them for them.

You say that like it's a type of punishment?
I don't get the anger about this. You are and always have been completely allowed to decide to not continue a conversation with someone if you are not enjoying it.
Just as people are allowed to not keep a conversation going if they don't want to chat.

Sounds like you were speed dating.

If he'd bothered to respond with more than one or two words, OP wouldn't have been put in the position of grasping for some topic he'd warm to.

Is it so hard to say "i met Graham in film study; he has such great insights. Have you seen any of Hitchcock's works?"

I'm tired of NTs that think that everyone wants to have a full on conversation about their private life with someone they just met. Being socially confident isn't a free pass to be rude and intrude on someone else's quiet enjoyment.

There not so nice when it's flipped back at you is it?

What is it that makes some of you so determined that everyone should behave exactly in the same way you do?

If I behaved like many of the people I know, I would say one thing to someone's face and then something else when they left the room. I bet the op never said half of what she said here to the persons face.
Guess what, if I'm not careful, I will tell you exactly what I think of you to your face, never ask me for my honest opinion, because you'll get it and then not like it. (Again my friends know this and they know I will tell them if I think they've done something out of order. They also know that if they are all wondering if someone is (for example seeing someone else) I am the one who will ask outright. And I much prefer autistic honesty to NT half truths and white lies.