To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

Yes quite right.

Honestly, people have an anonymous wee rant on the internet about something that (quite rightly IMO) irritates them and everyone acts like you sent the person shit-smeared hate mail to their home address.

I'm not socially anxious but your "conversation" technique would make me respond even less than John !

Did he interact with anyone throughout the afternoon, or maybe you didn't notice.

And what was his facial and body language like when you introduced yourself? Did he smile and look interested? Or did he scowl at you? Or did he do minimum polite not really interested nod and say hello back?

... I did let him go in peace. It wasn't me that sat down at his table. There was no interrogation... Just an attempt to draw out any kind of conversation to someone who sat down at my table at a social event for a mutual friend.

…why does that frustrate you?

He sat down and looked at us, so I said "hello, I'm fairy, what's your name '

And he answered as per OP, discovered he was hard work and then gave up and met him do his own thing... Sitting quietly at the side.

Because it's frustrating when you're trying to engage people and they're just not putting any effort it ... Simple.

@fanaticalfairy Have you mentioned this to your mutual friend? I’d be curious. Has he never been mentioned to you before? I tend to know of most of my friends friends, even if I’ve not met them, which tends to come in handy in situations like this!

But were there seats next to Steve or Graham? Or if there was maybe John thought he would leave them for their family/partners?

Maybe your table was the only one left? Did he talk to other people on the table?

Frankly your approach would put me off.

I have no interest in talking about my job in details with a complete stranger or to feel like I am being interrogated...

It sounds like he simply had no interest in talking to you. Just accept it and move on to someone else and learn to be a little less full on with someone you have just met.

How do you know he wasn’t putting effort in? If he had communication issues, answering to the extent he did might have required major effort.

I’d really like to ask people how they voted and why, what do they think of trump, whether they think HTS is Syria will actually turn out to be islamo-facists, do we think we need a tear it down and build it again revolution. But weirdly people think this is a bit too much, so I go with a “what do you do” boring ass question as a warm-up.

Because it's frustrating when people put themselves into social situations and then make no effort, which leads to other people making all the effort and doing all the work, and getting nothing back and then feeling awkward when some silent miserable person sits there all night for no apparent reason because they clearly have no interest in being around anyone even though they deliberately plonked themselves down at a table of strangers.

I simply don't believe that people can not see that this is both irritating and does nothing for the party atmosphere.

I already gave you some ideas on how to deal with the situation. But you brushed them off as too much work.

There are a whole group of us that to the outside world look as if we are just like everyone else. That's why it's a hidden disability. Some are happy to embrace this fact (like me) and tell people, others less happy (like a PP).

Most of us struggle.in social situations, we don't understand the constructs that the majority do. We think literally rather than abstract. If you ask a question then we answer it, we don't think to elaborate (unless the question specifically asks for this), or ask questions back. We might take longer to answer as we try and work out what is the most socially appropriate answer is. We may not realise that it's our turn to talk. We may not always translate what you've actually said correctly, remember we think literally, we don't generally say one.thing and mean another. We don't do small talk.

Many of us also have sensory processing issues, and in the Brunch situation there will not only be people we don't know, but also the noise of everyone chatting, the smell and look of foods that are unfamiliar, maybe a light fitting that's buzzing (yes many.of us can hear electricity) or a clock ticking. We might struggle to concentrate on the single voice directed at us, to the point that we are only capable of the single word answers. It may be all we can do not.to.turn around and run out of the venue.

Now I'm not saying that the person in your encounter was autistic, but if he was this is just a little of what he might have.been experiencing. And yet he still thought enough of his friend to turn up to an event where he knew things would be difficult.

Contrary to what you think, not everyone is capable of the level of social interaction.you seem to think.is obligatory to go to a social event. But that doesn't mean we should be written off.and forced to stay at home. We are just as deserving of attending, especially if we were personally invited by the host (who probably does know.how hard it is for us to even walk in and appreciates that we have made that effort).

All we ask is to be allowed to mingle at a level we feel comfortable with. And tbh this is how you should treat everybody, ND or not.

Could you not have just been less nasty?
You've been very judgemental.
It's OK to have not enjoyed an interaction and to talk about that. But is it really necessary to say to fuck off.. and that he shouldn't have even gone to his friends birthday party?
You could have even just said "AIBU TO HAVE FOUND THIS MAN HARD WORK"
and hardly anyone would've have got pissed off with you or disagreed he was hard work for you. Of course people would have still pointed out the reasons he might have been like that..
You are allowed to vent. But think of how it effects people. You aren't just shouting into space.
You've literally just implied people who struggle with social interaction shouldn't go to their friends birthday parties. Obviously anyone on here who struggles with social interaction is going to find that very hurtful and unfair.

No there were plenty of other tables with spar seats and empty tables too.

If he doesn't want to chat, sit somewhere else...

Okay - so you aren’t answering my question about his non verbal receptiveness to your attempt at conversation. It’s usually clear to me from the first hello how much someone wants to talk to me.

Did he smile and look like he wanted to chat?

Did he seem annoyed at your questions or just blandly polite and not interested in you.

Just blandly polite.

I asked him some perfectly acceptable and general questions, and dropped it soon enough.

It's not lien I randomly accosted him, shine a lamp in his face a d barked questions at him.

I just tried a few natural and normal conversation pieces and git nothing.

So, you go and find someone who reciprocates. Which you did. I’m hella extrovert but I can tell instantly when my bubbly energy is NOT what someone needs and I think nothing more of it. I don’t think they’re being rude and I certainly don’t go in with any expectations of being engaged. Everyone has their own vibe so I read the signs and respond accordingly. It’s only frustrating when you feel you’re entitled to the same effort given back - you’re not. Just live and let live.

Yes - as this thread proves only too well..

You do sound like hard work OP.

Great. Thanks.

What will make you feel better about this OP? it sounds like it really has angered you. You feel the way you do, ok. Is it that you want empathy? I think you'd feel much better to just accept such interactions, not take it personally and move on.

Nothing..I'm taking this anger to my grave.

Why is it baffling to you that some people aren’t as social as others? Seriously, why does that baffle you