To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

I'm not bothering sharing a story with someone who can't be bothered to even pretend to be vaguely interested in making conversation, be made it clear he wasn't interested.

@fanaticalfairy you asked alternative conversation openers and way to move it forward a few times I was just suggesting alternative's. Your replies do seem quite combative here too so it might that you just come across a bit brusk? Like I said if you've otherwise never had an issue I wouldn't overthink one event.

I do disagree it's the purpose of the event to meet new people though lol the purpose is to celebrate Graham maybe John already met 12 new people and made small talk lol

So he wasn't interested in talking to you, a person he didn't know, and therefore he should not have gone to his friend's birthday brunch?

You might need a refresher on your social skills. Not everyone is interested in talking to everyone. That's ok. They're still allowed to show up for their friends.

You tried, he wasn't receptive, you moved on. What is your actual problem?

Agree.

In my experience, I can tell who wants to engage by the first introductions and body language. Those who are willing to talk further will do so and lean towards you and those who don’t will politely smile and/or nod and either stay seated up straight or lean away. If they do choose to contribute or become more comfortable, they will begin to lean in, scoot and/or move closer.

Nothing wrong with being a 'boring, miserable tw%t' 🤣
I think it is more your reaction to it. A lot of people experience this type of thing, but move on quickly and find someone who might be more on their wavelength to speak to

Gosh, you alright hun? 🤣

Yeah turns out the younger generation are a bit more into trying to understand one another instead of jumping to calling people freaks. Sorry the joy of the olden days is gone for you. Sorry we don't bring out the big dunce hat for weird kids any more and you can't laugh and point and feel smug and superior about being mediocre.
What a dreadful future of trying to have some understanding regarding why people behave as they do.

@fanaticalfairy This response has been on nearly all your posts.

There’s technically nothing wrong with some of the questions you asked but after a couple of his one word replies, surely you have enough sense to notice that he wasn’t being forthcoming in his answers?

You say he was ‘fucking rude’ to not answer your question with more detail but you were just as rude to keep pushing him..

Good social etiquette is learning to read the room.

Ah, I see - you're better than everyone else here.

He sat down at my table... So I said "hi, I'm fairy, what's your name?"

Then asked him how he knew Graham...

Hardly terrible opening times a conversation really ...

Still waiting for the amazing,. interesting and brilliant openers from the critics though ...

I just don’t think it’s snobby to expect basic good manners at a social event. It is infantilising and condescending to assume those who are neurodivergent are incapable of this. If I was invited to a friends birthday brunch and one of their friends attending had crippling social anxiety or another issue or disability that significantly impaired their social functioning -to an extent that they couldn’t engage in the most basic level of pleasantries, then I’d expect the host to let me know. This way I could bear this in mind and not ask John any questions, as he would rather not engage. Or I would know to be more patient and not assume he does not want to talk - he’s just very anxious but appreciates the effort. Or it could just be as simple as he was not in the mood to be there, he has form for being rude and it probably would have been better for everyone, including him, to stay home. Not everyone who behaves in socially inappropriate ways have a diagnostic label or neurological condition.

People are not mind readers and the OP behaved perfectly appropriately, she was not ‘interrogating’ him or any other of the dramatic hyperbole demonstrated in this thread. I empathise with those on the thread who are being open about their ND experiences and struggles but we do not know ‘John’ has any diagnosis whatsoever. And if he does, it’s still understandable that the OP found the interaction odd as most people attending a birthday brunch for a mutual friend will be engaging in conversation with other attendees. In my world anyway, not MN clearly.

I tend to make more effort if I think there is a chance of seeing these people again
so for example at a wedding I will mostly just enjoy the company if my own partner and make polite brief chat towards the other guests but at a do where we are likely to cross paths again I’d make more effort

personally I really hate the “ what do you do? “ question I hate answering it , and I cringe when it come out of my mouth , and only ask it if I’m scrapping the barrel for conversation

You obviously feel it's an issue tho - if it was just "his loss" then you wouldn't have made a thread about it.

That's quite a few wild conclusions to draw from what I said.

I am not one of the younger generation, I yearn for the "olden days" I call people freaks and I want dunce hats to make a comeback?

I hope you stretched before you made that reach.

Well, because people are saying shit like "they are boring questions" or you personal or I'm interrogating him or whatever.

But are not telling us their "better" openers or small talk questions
.. Which rather leads me to assume they've got nothing ...

And I clearly did see with his one word answers he didn't want to engage, she left him to it...

It's not just that she found it odd. It's the aggression and anger towards him.
And he did engage. He didn't turn around and blank her. He answered the questions she asked.
And you are right we do not know what's up with john and neither did OP.
But the angry reaction is awful.
Just move on to talking to someone else if you don't like talking to John. No need to suggest he misses his friends birthday parties from now on because he doesn't entertain you enough.
It's just really narcissistic.
It's one thing to think 'he was odd, i didn't enjoy that interaction'
And another to say he should fuck off and never go out to any events again.
That's just mean.

…but you’re ascribing the misery. Did he keep trying to talk to people and getting nowhere? Was he looking around slightly enviously at everyone else chatting away? Or was he just quietly sat there with his RBF because he didn’t really want to talk to people?

And why, oh why, do you care?

EDIT: corrected a typo.

Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit, is it.

I must have missed the anger and aggression towards him (not being facetious). I’ll need to re-read.

Rather than focusing on people's critique of your questions, why not consider why you feel so aggressively angry about it? Why does it make you feel so strongly that he shouldn't be allowed to leave his home and be out with the general public?

Well, TBF, he sat down at our table ... So one would rather assume they wanted to chit chat... Otherwise they could have sat with Steve or Graham who they already knew... Or a table by themselves.

It's in the title. She thinks he should fuck off (with several f's to make her point).

Because I'm allowed to have a moan about people on a chat forum.

And I never once said he shouldn't be allowed out of his house etc.. that was other people.

Yes I took that as general frustration towards the interaction, not as aggression towards John.

Moan yes. Suggesting he should not go to events is an extreme reaction to him not being interested in continuing a conversation with you.

There's no anger towards him....just frustration at people lacking basic conversation skills.