To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

You're expecting a bit much from a steve/ graham/ engineer

Technically, he was only answering OP’s question. OP asked him a question on how he knew Steve. He answered from work.

I hear you

Same here.

It's considered rock-bottom politeness to chat with fellow guests. Basic adult manners.

It wasn't going on and on - just trying a couple of different avenues of seeing if he wanted to chat ..and then leaving him to his miserable self to sit at the side talking to nobody.

Being a snob about people's social skills is also nothing to be proud of.

I take my time to warm up to strangers. I will go to social events to show my support or to celebrate the person I know there. And I will attempt to engage in conversation with people. But big crowds can make me nervous, and I tend to sit back til I've relaxed a bit.

If I'm in that kind of situation, it uses a lot of my energy to answer pleasantly and politely. If you're willing to bear with me and not tell me to sod off back home, I get to chatty, funny, sociable. But my first interactions with people in a large group are often me being quieter while I work out what I need to, to be comfortable.

If you tell me to "fuck offfff" or give me that kind of vibe, more than likely I'll never warm to you. Give me chance to relax and get comfortable, we'll be friends.

But happy and content?

Imagine being this lacking in curiosity and sociability. It's baffling.

Since when is engaging in basic conversation at a social event expecting too much ... ?

Yes, exactly. It's an opener, an ice breaker, and a fairly common one too that most people can turn into something interesting if they try

What part of him sitting there miserable and alone led you to the conclusion that he was "happy and content '? 🤔

What part of "alone" lead you to "miserable"?

If you fear heights, do join a climbing club. If you can't swim, do join a swimming club. Maybe he does have social anxiety?
with your attitude, I couldn't be arsed speaking to you either ha

How do you know he was miserable?

I’m with the OP. It’s basic good manners to make conversation at social events.

Well said, @MyLadyGreensleeves

Anyone who cannot muster a decent response to something as innocuous as "any holidays planned" surely can at least bestir themselves to utter "not at the moment; and you?"

But they're not there to get to know each other lol it's not a networking event they're just there to celebrate/honour Graham surely!

I would find you utterly irritating at a birthday party!

I like meeting new people but there's making conversation and then firing 5 or 6 questions t someone who's clearly not interested just that minute lol

I’d love to talk about either of those things - but I accept I’m probably in the minority.

I think it just sounds as though there was a mismatch in social styles. But if OP is also a software engineer, surely she’d have come across the “John type” before?

The first two or so questions are totally fine but it's the persistence when he's clearly a bit noncommittal surely ? Asking how he knows Graham etc but then asking where he knows the next guy and what holidays he's going on within 5 minutes when he's seeming like he doesn't want to chat?

He obviously didn’t want to by his first few answers. Why not accept it and move on?

You like to assume he’s miserable but he may have been happy and content to be left to take it all in for a bit instead of engaging in conversation at that particular moment.

You talked to others who were receptive to chatting with you right?

If so, why are you so bothered by him?

My child has social anxiety and selective mutism and thankfully his peers don't have the same attitude as some of the posters on here!

His peers/friends are really delightful and although they are generally outgoing, chatty kids, they always include him in play dates and get togethers. They don't judge him, they take him for who he is. Perhaps some of the posters on here can take the example of these primary school youngsters!

That is your prerogative.
I don't suggest that people who are quiet stay home. But I also am not going to follow the suggestion by the poster I responded to, that everybody only chats to people they know, and not ask questions of strangers, otherwise they are being "nosy".
I have moved around a lot in my life, and am often the only brown person in the room sometimes. If I only chatted to people I knew, I would have no friends at all.
I have no way of knowing which people are autistic, or which people have social anxiety, or which people are having a hard day, or which people just dont like me, so I will continue to chat to strangers and see how they respond. If they give me a couple of monosyllabic answers, I will walk away.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the OP's approach.

It's John who didn't follow the correct protocols. When he was asked how he knew the birthday boy he should have replied how he knew him and then asked "And how do you know him".

He didn't because he was either rude, didn't want to talk to OP or has no social skills.

Reading some of the PPs makes me realise why there are so many "I don't have any friends" posts on mumnset!

If he'd made a tiny bit of effort at the first question, she wouldn't have had to go to the effort to find any more. She asked them because she wasn't getting any signs of life following the previous question.
She didn't fire questions - she tried to engage him.

It doesn't seem to have occured to a lot of people on this thread that trying to engage someone in conversation at a party is actually the kind, polite and normal thing to do. It's very unpleasant being at axparty where everyone ignores you and noone makes an effort and you leave feeling you were simply asked there to make up the numbers.