To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

But we have no idea how much John talked with the other 18 people at the brunch. We just know that it upset the OP because he didn't want to have a longer conversation with HER.

It’s a weird question to ask with nothing that prompted it. Going from asking what he does for work and him answering software engineer and nothing interesting and then jumping straight to have any holidays planned?

He could have said I have nothing planned or I’m not a holiday person and OP would still be in the same position, trying to force conversation with someone who
is obviously not interested and complaining about him here.

I wonder how he was the rest of the party. Maybe OP is annoyed because he talked more or was lively with other guests and not her. Why else dwell about a stranger from a party not wanting to make small talk with you?

Many would just shrug and move on.

My Mum once got asked that by a man at social event and she replied she was a housewife and he sneered and said "is that all?"

So it's a sensitive subject for some people.

Although in the OP's defence on this situation he brought up work so she was fairly secure in knowing there was a job to talk about.

Maybe just showing up and staying in the room was as much social effort as John could handle that day.

OP said everyone else was happy to talk. No one was in desperate need of John to keep things going so just leave him be. We don’t need to drive people further out of social settings (“just stay home if you don’t want to mingle!”) because they aren’t doing enough in our minds.

What if he doesn't go on holiday? Is he supposed to make something up on the spot?

Same with books. People aren't looking for an answer that contains the acronym SQL or is called The Soul of a New Machine.

Exactly. Better to ask what people fill their time with

I spent the first 45 years of my life trying to be like everyone else, ended up with depression and self-harming (through food).
It takes.some courage, but once I embraced the autism and refused to mask in most situations I became a lot happier in myself.
Most people can't tell that I'm wearing the earphones (they're in esr, the Samsung Galaxy are brilliant cancel the worst of the noise).

Thankfully my children are getting to.old (physically) for soft.play now, but it was my absolute worst nightmare. So loud, children screaming, etc etc. I could only ever last 10min max, before I needed a break.

I had one very close friend admit to me that she was uncomfortable about attending a landmark birthday party I was hosting. I would have loved to have her there...but was really glad she felt she could be honest with me about it. I much preferred to have her bow out, rather than attend the event where she would have felt uncomfortable and I would have to be worried about her/feel that she was not enjoying herself.

There is always the option not to attend an event if you know it will make you feel uncomfortable. I really do feel though that once someone has accepted an invitation to such a party, there is a social obligation to contribute to the conversation and the comfort of everyone else there. So what if 'John' felt the OP wasn't his precise cup of tea? He could have spent a few minutes chatting before moving on.....instead, by the sound of it he was deliberately rude.

FGS we are not talking about someone trying to strike up a random conversation in a public place, or with an unwilling person at work. The whole point of these events is opportunities social interaction.

I’ve been in a social situation where I literally did ‘just stare at my plate’ because I was having an enormous panic attack. Not to worry though, I did as some people so pleasantly suggested and just stayed at home for over ten years afterwards, so no extroverts had to deal with the horror of encountering a quiet person at a party.

I'm forced to go to work social events

Been there much love x

Do I imagine she did it on purpose just to hurt me?

No, as I said in my original comment, I believe she most likely wasn't taught manners or social conventions. I actually believe lots of people my age just weren't.

Another example is invitations. People don't bother to reply at all, never mind say thanks for the invite. I was always taught an invite is a privilege and you should say thank you for the invite and let someone know you are coming or polieltey decline, not just blantently ignore. But if I ask a group of people in a WhatsApp group if they would like to come to such and such an event they will blantently ignore and then talk about something else like I never said anything.

I've had people not bother to say thank you for gifts I've sent to the point where I've had to ask if they received them only to get "yeah, got it on Tuesday". OK then.

There's a general decline in people skills and manners and I'm often made to feel I'm old fashioned in the way I see things but I do think it's sad. Not the fault of the individual though. I just wonder who raised them.

Because I like to show support for the person celebrating, i won't be a "misery" , I make the effort to "chat",even if it make me a little uncomfortable, but it's not my main reason for attending.

Tbh I'm not there to "entertain" others so if I or someone is not the chatty type being "told" to "f**k off" is not on.

I must admit, one of the key differences I’ve noticed over the years between the successful and not so successful people, isn’t academic ability (I’ve known people with 4 As at a level go no-where and even phds).

Success (big money), comes from the ability to work a room, charm people, influence people. This chap, I bet, is not a big success. So stay being you, these people will stay being them. Rude, stuck, going nowhere.

Sorry messed that up , was trying to quote another poster.

I think you'll find that thankfully, now days, people are alot more supportive towards each other.
Of you joined a book club round my end and you couldn't read, everyone there would try and help you learn to read.. or just let you listen to the audio book so you could join in.. instead of being judgemental gatekeeping pieces of shit.
Everyone has the right to attempt to enjoy social activities. Not just the people who fit your idea of fantastic wit and banter.
Bore right off.

For goodness sakes, stop with the third degree! There's nothing more off putting than a barrage of questions.. It's just plain rude.

If no-one was like you, op, no one would ever make friends and there would be a lot of awkward silences! I'm pretty shy myself but try to make an effort when in these kind of situations

It was hardly a barrage - so dramatic

Yes, I agree. You might get the answer 'I am an in house accountant for a plastic packaging manufacturer which is dull, I know, but I in my spare time I am a crime fiction writer/opera singer/special police constable/wiccan high priestess.'

Or 'I am a freelance Astrology consultant. people tell me the exact time and place of their birth and I send them a 10 page personal, highly detailed horoscope and I can tell them which star signs would make their ideal partner.'

Who couldn't get a fascinating conversation out of that?

Asking what they do for work in an easy opener, that's all. It would be weird and intrustive if you started a conversation by going straight into the more personal stuff.

Everyone is different, best to just accept that. Just as you feel the way you do, he might not feel like engaging with you. He could have taken a dislike to you or maybe he takes longer to get to know people, doesn't like such direct questions. Whatever it is, everyone experiences it, just just shrug it off, move on,no big deal

If you equate success with big money I feel sorry for you.
Just as sorry as I feel for the people who judge those to be quieter or less chatty than them, as ignorant.
There's such a depth to life that you clearly aren't getting.

Ggs read my other posts. I am AUTISTIC.
I do not choose to be who I am, although I do now embrace it. My brain is actually wired in a way that depending on how overstimulated I am, conforming to social norms is somewhere between difficult (and exhausting) and impossible.
Oh and made harder by people with your nasty (and it is nasty) attitude and belief that everyone should be willing to indulge in conversation with someone they've never met before.

Tell you what, if you want someone that will chat to anyone (whether they want to or not), my teenage sons is also.autistic, but he is overly sociable, without understanding the rules. I'm sure you'd find him rude too, after an hour of being force.fed every single.little fact about Dr Who, with him not realising that not everyone is as interested in it as him, or.thay there are other things you can talk about.