To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

You’re probably right! 😂

That's a great question 😂😂

But we don’t know that John wasn’t being a good guest - he was possibly having lovely conversations with other quests - he might just have not wanted to chat to the OP - and the only way he knew to discourage her was by not prolonging the conversation.

Sounds a bit like a conversation I’d have with a stranger at a bus stop or waiting room - politely answer their questions and smile at them nicely but discourage more.

Now I’d probably make more effort at a party for my friend’s sake but I don’t think John needs to be told to fuck off - he answered all her questions, he didn’t ignore her, he just made it clear he wasn’t interested in chatting.

Obviously you didn't bother to read the post before replying. This is the reply I quoted, "A tip for the introverts, turn it back on to the extrovert, they love talking about themselves, a couple of reciprocal questions and you won’t have to contribute much more." So, yes, some people aren't going to enjoy turning the conversation over to someone who loves talking about themselves.

Yes, it was literally the opposite of a self-centred monologue - she asked a minute’s worth of questions about them that they then didn’t reciprocate!

You're posting on it.

Gosh, I had no idea!

IT peeps are often a bit odd though.

Ok Darcy is a bit proud and snobby, but he does also have a shy side while being a very good person. OP's friend of a friend might be similar...

Does no one bother to read the post they're replying to? Again, the post I quoted and responded to was, "A tip for the introverts, turn it back on to the extrovert, they love talking about themselves, a couple of reciprocal questions and you won’t have to contribute much more."

If you don’t talk to anyone you don’t know, and don’t like engaging with people or asking/answering questions… then how do you actually make friends well enough to be invited anywhere?!

Honestly, just ignore this. I 100% know that when people ask me questions like this, they are trying to be polite and nice and make a little bit of conversation. Often then, the interesting conversation comes from responses to those questions. And if the conversation doesn’t get more interesting, then at least we both know we tried to make the other person feel comfortable/welcome whatever.

Yes I know all that, I masked for the first 45 years of my life. Unless you actually live it you don't know how damaging that masking can actually be. There's a reason why autistic women have a vastly increased rate of suicide.

Sorry but I now refuse to mask in social situations, I mask at work and it exhausts me. (Luckily.im self employed and can factor in decompression time in my day).

Tbh I go to parties/events where everyone has the same interests as me or most people know me personally (and those that don't are steered away from me if I show signs of becoming overwhelmed such as stimming)

I simply do NOT know when it's my turn to talk in a conversation, which is my biggest stumbling block. And of course I'm aware that I don't know, but it really isn't something I can learn.

Ffs not everyone is the same. Have some compassion. It's much easier for the op to just stop talking or go and talk to someone else.. than it is for this person to converse.. thats pretty obvious. We do not know why this person wasn't chatty.. someone could've just died.. he could be autistic.. who knows. Stop being a dick and judging someone at a bloody party for not giving the interaction you expect.
It really grinds my gears this.
I'm autistic and I do try and chat to people.. I think I'm actually a massive over sharer so you would have probably got my life story if you'd asked me questions.
But I absolutely know how it can feel to struggle socially. This is a really unkind thread. No wonder some people develop anxiety and won't go to events.
This wasn't OPs event. This person had been invited. They had every right to be there even if their conversation skills didn't delight OP.
Honestly this entire attitude of 'learning how to chat' is so narrow minded and mean. There are people who desperately would like to know how to socialise better but they just can't get the hang of it, there are people who are depressed and can't just try harder, people who've been through things that have made them quite closed and worried about sharing information...
No one owes you jolly chatty extroversion.
Leave people the fuck alone if you can't be supportive and kind.
Just really disgusts me to suggest some people shouldn't go to events because they aren't good at chatting.

The way shy people make friends - painfully and very, very slowly :)

You don't talk to the stranger the first time you meet them, then you see them around and after seeing them a few times you may start making conversation, etc.

Loving the interrogation accusations. OP was asking general conversation openers. The idea being that the other person gives them something to work with and you can take the conversation in a direction that's actually relevant to the people having the conversation. But none of this works if the other person stubbornly refuses to engage. Then poor OP is left to run through a million questions, feeling increasingly awkward.

Yes, maybe they had a bad day. That's a reason to extend them sympathy and understanding for being rude, not a reason to pretend they weren't rude.

But if you apply this logic to everyone you meet how did you ever make any friends?
I don’t know you so I won’t talk to you?
Ive often had conversations with random strangers that I will never ever see again, but I’ve had an interesting/lively 10 minutes that has brightened my day.

I read it. I’m genuinely not sure what in my response to @CheeseTime makes you think that I didn’t?

So, are we thinking that maybe in three birthdays time, that it would be OK for the OP to make conversation with him? What should her opening be, I saw you here in 2024? 😀

Do women have to be excessively polite to men they don't want to talk to at social occasions?

We've now also had 'How do you know Graham?' and 'Do you work with Steve' being described as a self-centred monologue!

I'm still waiting for the brilliant conversational ice breakers we've been promised, though I see someone's suggesting that talking about the location of the event is a good idea. Personally I'm not entirely sure that saying 'Isn't this a lovely place? I do admire their wallpaper, don't you?' is going to work any better than 'Whereabouts do you work?'

But that's in your hands. She comes up and says " Hi my name is Jane what's yours and how do you know Steve" You could have said " Hi I'm Derek nice to meet you ( that bit can be true or a lie. No-one gives a toss) I met Steve when we paraglided off a mountain in Wales "
" Holy hell" would have been my response and off the conversation goes. Some people are incredibly dull. Some people will surprise you. Be more surprising .

She could try that, yes.
Might be a country v town thing, but some people honestly do go through life not having to talk to strangers much.

No, not excessively. And nobody has to be polite to anybody else, I think this thread attests to that. They’re also at the same birthday party, it’s not like sidling up to somebody at a bar.

Sounds like a plan.