Friend still hasn't thanked me for her kids Xmas pressies

[Immo8]

Been friends since we were 11, we are each other's oldest friends. Both 34, she has an 8 & 3 year old with hubby. I don't have kids through choice and also happily married. We live round the corner from each other (3 min drive/10 min walk) and have done since her kids were born.

We stopped doing presents for each other a long time ago, but I've always got her kids something to open. Nothing too extreme, £20 each type of thing and do a Xmas card. This year they were abroad for Xmas so I dropped off the presents a few days before so they could open either before or take with. That was on the 19th Dec and I've not heard a peep since. No card either (not massively bothered by that though). I sent a text the morning of their hols and said 'Have a lovely holiday' etc but it's not even been read, let alone a response or a thank you for the kids gifts.

They have been home now for 5 days and I've still not heard a word. I've seen her holiday pics all over FB. I'm now feeling a bit miffed, but need to be told if I'm being unreasonable in thinking this. After all, I'm aware I don't have kids and her saying thanks to me etc may not be high up on her list of 'to do's'.

Do I say anything or just stop sending gifts from now on?

Give her a chance. My kids haven't done their than yous yet, that is tomorrows joyous task

It's a week. Speaking as an exhausted parent who has yet to do the formal thank you's, I've enjoyed a few days of PJ's and telly. All gifts will be thanked and acknowledged. We are grateful as I am sure your friend is too.

I completely get where you are coming from, however I haven't said thank you to people for my kids gifts yet ( I've been really unwell to be fair ) mine usually do a thank you card maybe your friends doing thank you cards? Does she normally thank you over message card gave to face etc ? Maybe you could send a text asking if they liked their presents ? X

It's only been less than a week. You being unfair here

What does she normally do re thank you? How often are you usually in contact?

Oh please stop OP. Just don’t send them next year.

Their lives, like yours, are complex - this is far too needy of you. Don’t give them next year if this is how you are going to be.

When you dropped them off, did she thank you then?

This is my simple advice, from my own bitter and hurtful experience... Don't prioritise people who don't prioritise you.

Luckily that frees you up to spend more energy and love on the people who do prioritise you ❤️

Very annoying and getting more and more common. It takes 3 seconds to text ‘thanks so much , we’ll be in touch ’ . Of course parents are busy and I don’t mind occasional forgetfulness but some seem just not to bother year after year. However I wouldn’t despair of an acknowledgement until the end of January.

We’re halfway through the thank you cards; it’s a slog. We’re tackling a few a day then we’ll post them all. Everyone’s exhausted, there’s stuff to play with, out of routine so more meltdowns than usual, extra meals and clearing up with everyone home, etc etc. I wouldn’t expect anything for a while, especially if they’ve been away and need to unpack, do washing, etc. It’s not even a week since Christmas Day! Calm down.

Did she thank you when you dropped the presents off? If so, she has thanked you.

Gosh I wouldn’t expect a card!! Just a text or SM message is plenty!

I'd expect thank yous to happen in the new year, if they don't happen immediately after the gift is given. Don't be so impatient! If it's kids they'll need to be reminded probably and given a card to write, then they need to post it.
If they say nothing by middle of Jan just say 'oh, I hope Jemima and Barrington enjoyed their presents'. If they usually do thank you then I'd not worry about it.

I think it's a bit thoughtless of her but unlikely to be on purpose so try not to let it upset you

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I get it's only been a week, maybe I'm being too hasty then. Just to say though that I'm not and never expected any kind of official thank you cards from the kids!

They weren't in that evening when I dropped them round, but I have a key and she said to just put them under their tree which I did. To which I replied 'ok, no probs. Have a nice Christmas and holiday'. That text didn't' get read/acknowledged.

I just think it would have been nice to text back 'Brill thanks - Happy Christmas to you guys too' or something similar... Maybe that's too needy I'm not too sure now.

Gah, we haven't posted ours either yet.

In the nicest possible way, you need to chill a bit.

Some people don't do this. I always have because I was brought up to and it matters to me but everyone's different. Also tbh if you only give things in the expectation of being thanked you're always going to be disappointed.

It's way too early to be complaining about this - she'll be way over head in Xmas admin still. She may have guests to prepare for around NY.
With respect (genuinely meant) until you have kids you have no idea how fucking insane Xmas is for mothers. I nearly had a full on breakdown this year re the mental load and school expectations etc. You need to cut her some slack until she's raised her head above water again.
If no thank you by end of Jan, you're within your rights to be pissed off

I’m exactly the same. I’m so exhausted by this Christmas. Thank yous are definitely on the list but haven’t been done yet here either.

There is no way she took a bunch of presents from extended friends and family (when she doesn't even know what's inside of them) away on holiday with them for the kids to open there.

She's probably keeping them, along with a bunch of others, to open when they get back.

Even if they had either opened them before going away, or on holiday, seems a bit unreasonable to be annoyed that she hasn't thanked you for them yet. Holidays with young kids (especially a 3 year old!!) don't leave much time for sitting around writing texts.

Totally disagree with this! Takes less than one minute to read and reply to OP’s text. No excuse!

I think that phones have added sp such pressure onto Christmas with the expectation you thank everyone straight away, to the point you spend so much time keeping on top of communication that you can't enjoy the present.

One used to have a month to get kids to write thank you cards....

That said yes, it's rubbish she didn't thank you straight away or get you a card. And rubbish she didn't acknowledge your text, although leaving you on read shows to me she is feeling guilty and sheepish.

Does she usually say thank you? If so it's probably been delayed this year (possibly forgotten) because they've been away, particularly if they opened before they left on 19th!

Round here school return next week i.e. Monday or Tuesday

so this week Thursday / Friday could be a good day for writing Thank you cards for those that still do them

I bet one of them is ill (maybe even her). I've been ill over xmas- holding it together for the kids but am basically doing the essentials - replying to texts is not on the current to do list

Maybe they have thank you cards in the pipeline.
or maybe they are waiting til they see you .
i didn’t send instant messages nor have I received any. Aside from those I saw face to face