Friend still hasn't thanked me for her kids Xmas pressies

[Immo8]

Been friends since we were 11, we are each other's oldest friends. Both 34, she has an 8 & 3 year old with hubby. I don't have kids through choice and also happily married. We live round the corner from each other (3 min drive/10 min walk) and have done since her kids were born.

We stopped doing presents for each other a long time ago, but I've always got her kids something to open. Nothing too extreme, £20 each type of thing and do a Xmas card. This year they were abroad for Xmas so I dropped off the presents a few days before so they could open either before or take with. That was on the 19th Dec and I've not heard a peep since. No card either (not massively bothered by that though). I sent a text the morning of their hols and said 'Have a lovely holiday' etc but it's not even been read, let alone a response or a thank you for the kids gifts.

They have been home now for 5 days and I've still not heard a word. I've seen her holiday pics all over FB. I'm now feeling a bit miffed, but need to be told if I'm being unreasonable in thinking this. After all, I'm aware I don't have kids and her saying thanks to me etc may not be high up on her list of 'to do's'.

Do I say anything or just stop sending gifts from now on?

Us too. We haven had Christmas yet really. Now dd is sick so there went New Years.

She didn’t. OP left the presents in her home and texted to say so but got no reply. It’s rude and unnecessary not to even read the text and reply Thanks’

She's rude

I find it odd that in these days of instant communication, a simple Thank You takes longer to arrange than the laborious cards of my youth, which actually had to have more to them than just Thank You and had to be done before New Year

That'd be why their holiday snaps are all over SM then

On a different note so many of you sending thank you letters, I've never heard of this, is it an English tradition, because I'm 53 and never ever received or got my kids to write a thank you card, we text or phone. Sounds very old fashioned imo😊

Honestly, I thank acquaintances immediately for gifts but I am more conscious of them I suppose. I only just caught up with my oldest and dearest friend last night for our annual early bird NYE dinner and cocktails 😂 and thanked her profusely for the presents and her friendship generally this year - it’s been chaos this week! I think if you’re very close, she will just not have it weighing on her mind as an extra to-do on the list and will be relaxed on knowing you love each other and will thank each other properly in due course. I bet you anything she will message after NYE to arrange seeing you and thanking for gifts.

I have really felt it this year and others have said the same! Events etc starting late November. I did shed a few tears over Christmas as I was so mentally exhausted and trying to do everything! Still dealing with the aftermath while getting ready for tonights celebrations.

I don't think there's an excuse for not sending a quick text back at the time. But perhaps at that moment she thought she'd get round on Christmas day and then it slipped her mind if she was busy? I can see why you'd be miffed about not receiving a Merry Christmas text at all. I still managed to send a text to my closest friends and she's been back 5 days. I guess you can only wait and see what she does after New Year. Although if it's a one off I'd let it go.

Absolutely this.

childfree/ childless folk have things going on in their lives too- but in the case of OP they also take the time to think of their friend, wish them a happy Christmas/ go to the efforts of buying their kids gifts and hand delivering them to their house and putting them under the tree. I think what’s upsetting in the OPs situation is that they has gone to a lot of effort for their friend but hasn’t even been wished a merry Christmas in return. The friend could reply to instruct OP to put the gifts under the tree and also upload her holiday pics on social media though. The relationship appears to be imbalanced.

On one hand,I think give her a little longer ..thank you cards may be in the pipe line. My kids are grown up and I've had a hectic 3 weeks ish with being away, doing christmas, the aftermath of christmas etc...I don't feel my feet have touched the floor since the beginning of Dec and as I say I don't have small kids anymore. I think you've got to give her a chance

On the other hand, whilst I used to make mine hand write thank you cards etc, it's a long time ago now, she could have sent a quick text or pic. Doesn't take much. They're are easier and quicker ways of saying thank you these days.

I guess it's just a waiting game. I stopped buying for kids, even family kids if I didn't get a thank you. Whilst I don't buy for kids to be endlessly thanking me, I think it's basic manners. Hopefully you'll get one.

@fairycakes1234

I am Scottish, so maybe you mean British rather than English tradition.

Yes it probably is ' old fashioned ' tho in my day we didn't have mobiles to send texts so I spent many times writing Thank you letters/cards to relatives / family friends for my presents.
I also spent many times writing Thank you letters/cards for my children's presents - until they were old enough to do so themselves.

and yes i am older than you :)

Do I think potential grandchildren will write and send Thank you letters - probably not.

This is so true @fitzwilliamdarcy
I’ve never heard so much rubbish as spouted on here, from parents who are absolutely beyond exhausted and cannot even consider mustering the headspace together to say thank you until at least the end of January. One poster even claiming that the lives of these poor parents are so complex. I have older DC’s but guys I can absolutely promise you that the childfree really do have lives that are equally busy, just in different ways.

As a kid I never did thank you cards, my mum regarded it as wife work, we always rang and said thank you.

My husband thinks our kids should do thank you cards so I leave him in charge of this and consequently they never get done.

They text now, much easier.

yes, it’s rude. Much more time consuming back in the 1970s and my parents, who both worked full time, found the time to chivvy us along to write the thank you cards.

We still have presents not yet opened 🙄 We have been home 3 days but I can't stand the forcing to open presents when the kids are enjoying playing with what they just got. We have also all been unwell and just getting on top of the washing has taken it out of me.

You could always send a message to your friend saying you hope the kids liked their presents and it might prompt.

THIS

There’s no excuse. It takes seconds to send a thank you text plus she’s been posting online.

Leave her to text you and don’t bother with cards and gifts in future.

Nobody lives a life so complex as to preclude sending a thank you text, can you stop the outright nonsense, please?
It’s embarrassingly stupid.

@Immo8

wondering if she has wished you a HNY OP

OP I agree she should have said thanks by now. I know some people think it's fine to say thanks when given the gift but I'd usually say thanks once we've opened them. Is it possible she doesn't know what's from you? We have hoping DC and presents that were in bags (but also wrapped) were taken out so there was the odd thing I couldn't trace but I knew who had given them gifts so text them all to say thank you.

If you feel she's ungrateful you don't have to keep buying gifts for them. I probably wouldn't bother if she doesn't say thanks at all (but she still might)

Oh gosh I'm not 34 and my kids too old but this could be me! Thanks for the reminder though!!
Just sent hasty text to thank, wish HNY and promise meet up for coffee. Have been wildly busy with various, elderly relative visiting, and on top of this have a funeral to travel to so had to arrange an hotel etc.

Another reason why present buying needs to be dropped, it causes so many problems.
Why on earth would you need to.buy for your friends kids anyway. I'm sure they have enough stuff already and they've just had a holiday.
Just don't do it and you won't be disappointed.
Free you and her of expectations.

Easy answer, don't bother next year, don't put yourself out, wait until she comes and speaks to you, if she doesn't, end of problem.

100% this