Friend still hasn't thanked me for her kids Xmas pressies

[Immo8]

Been friends since we were 11, we are each other's oldest friends. Both 34, she has an 8 & 3 year old with hubby. I don't have kids through choice and also happily married. We live round the corner from each other (3 min drive/10 min walk) and have done since her kids were born.

We stopped doing presents for each other a long time ago, but I've always got her kids something to open. Nothing too extreme, £20 each type of thing and do a Xmas card. This year they were abroad for Xmas so I dropped off the presents a few days before so they could open either before or take with. That was on the 19th Dec and I've not heard a peep since. No card either (not massively bothered by that though). I sent a text the morning of their hols and said 'Have a lovely holiday' etc but it's not even been read, let alone a response or a thank you for the kids gifts.

They have been home now for 5 days and I've still not heard a word. I've seen her holiday pics all over FB. I'm now feeling a bit miffed, but need to be told if I'm being unreasonable in thinking this. After all, I'm aware I don't have kids and her saying thanks to me etc may not be high up on her list of 'to do's'.

Do I say anything or just stop sending gifts from now on?

One whole month to say thank you?? Come on that’s ridiculous! I did Christmas on my own with my two DC from when they were born as my DH worked Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, plus New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. No family to support me. Just got on with it and I certainly didn’t need a whole month to say thank you.

Always a thank you letter or card in my family! If someone’s taken the time to choose and wrap a thoughtful gift for my DC, they can take the time to write a nice card/note saying thank you – me sending a text message on their behalf doesn’t really cut it for me.

Also kills some time in the holidays, good writing practice, plus a trip to the post box on another day!

OP’s friend’s kids are 8 and 3 - the 8yo can definitely write a note, the 3yo can do some colouring to contribute. I love getting post from my nieces and nephews and I know most of my friends and family appreciate the gesture.

We always send thank you cards to my friends who buy the children presents. However, it takes us a while! It can even be late January before we send them.

What? Their lives are complex?? Needy? Wtf, you're sticking up for someone you don't know!! She's OK posting phptos on Facebook but camt reply to whatsapp message, and can't send a simple thanks a mil for the presents, what is wrong with people thinking this is okay and I'd say the kids will be the same, monkey see, monkey do, yanbu, lesson learnt, if you don't get a thanks stop sending them presents, most people I know irl thankfully wouldn't behave like this.

I personally don’t think it’s being too hasty at all. All these people who say it’s exhausting for mums and you can’t really understand if you don’t have DC…really? In the time it took to post the holiday snaps on fb she could have replied to your message.

All these excuses! It takes 30 seconds to send a text message and she's clearly had time to post holiday photos since they've been back so cant have been that busy or unwell if thats the excuse. Not even opening the OPs text to her is just rude, not replying is even ruder. I wouldn't bother in future OP

This! It actually takes even less time to send a lovely thank you.
How many friends would make the effort that the op did? I wouldn't bother next year/birthday/ anything from now on. Rude, rude, rude.

Thank you to the last few posters, I was beginning to think I was going mad. I'm really not a needy friend at all. Gosh, we've been friends over 20 years! Sometimes we text multiple times a week, sometimes once a month. That's just how life goes.

But it's Christmas so I just would have expected my oldest friend to wish me a Happy Christmas in some way or another or a simple 'thanks for the pressies' in the two week period since I dropped them off.

For everyone saying it’s just a week and you’re being unreasonable, I’d say that if she’s had time to upload a bunch of pictures onto social media she’s had time to type out “thanks so much for the gifts, really thoughtful of you, the kids loved them”
… there we go, that took me 20 seconds
Your friend is being unreasonable, and in the absence of a belated thanks I wouldn’t worry about buying for them next year

I don't think you're needy. I just think you're expecting her to have the mental headspace of a child free person.
Maybe it's just me but this particular Christmas has been absolutely horrific in the expectation on parents - particularly from schools and things outside the home. I think people are utterly drowning and one week is very forgiveable.

Are you only giving presents for the thanks she feel are owed??

I give gifts because I want to, I don't need a text to say thanks as I know my friends appreciate it either way.

So you make a point of not thanking people, because you know they’ll understand right?

If my friend has a key and let herself into my house to put presents under my Christmas tree I'd definitely acknowledge it! That is just rude and you're right to feel miffed about it OP

If you opened a present in front of someone, are you telling me you wouldn't say thank you to them as I struggle to see the difference if this is your logic...

Fucking hell. I'd genuinely rather not have a "friend" buy gifts for my kids if they're going to put me on some kind of silent countdown like this.

It's Christmas and they have children. They are busy. Your mate is probably run ragged. Give her some grace.

Remember, you don't give to receive - be that a present in return, or thanks. You give because you want to show love for the recipient. If that's not your reason for giving, then don't.

I buy for loads of kids in the family and children of friends. It has not once occurred to me to sit around waiting on "thank yous" and getting pissed off if they don't come (which they often don't). People are busy nowadays. I know my family and friends are grateful because I know their characters.

No, but I also don't hold it over my friends heads like a guillotine if they forget and neither would they for me.

Life is busy, this lady has young kids. I'm not going to brow beat a good friend for forgetting so say thank you because I think I deserve it. That's not what gift giving is for.

"Make a point of not thanking people"? What are you talking about?

No. I think that's a bit shit tbh. It takes seconds to text ...sorry I have been caught up but will get back as soon as I can.etc.

No excuse.

I’m in the same situation as you OP - bought requested type of presents, dropped off mid December with a card. No acknowledgment since, recent text left unread and a massive set of posts all over social media about the wonderful Christmas/how spoiled the kids are etc etc. I won’t be buying for said spoiled kids next Christmas!

i get it OP- especially as your friend wasnt in she could have dropped you a quick text that evening to say thank you for dropping them off and to wish you a merry Christmas. Did she send you a Xmas card?

give it another week - if you don’t get a thank you then no more gifts from now on or just something small like a selection box for xmas and book token for birthdays. I’m childless and I’m always disappointed by the lack of even a thank you from relatives for birthday/ Christmas gifts for their kids - let alone even a card or small gift in return- it’s really ungrateful and makes you feel taken for granted and not appreciated.

My son always writes thank you notes because it's a habit I started early (eldest has left home and does her own). However, not this week. Or last. It's been chaos. We will do them on Thursday and post same day. I think you're being unreasonable when there are young kids and it's a very busy time of year for parents.

I also don’t think you’re being needy or unreasonable. I’d be quite hurt not even to get a text happy Xmas or something in return to yours. Takes seconds. Time priority is clearly posting photos on facebook.

as a parent I don’t even know what day it is at the moment, I’ve dished presents out and not had any thank yous from those who weren’t with me when they opened them, I haven’t even given it a thought tbh.
I think it’s an oversight born by Xmas chaos and it would be a real shame for you to put a rift in your friendship over this.
If you’d feel better getting some closure then maybe drop her a message ‘see your holiday looked great, hope you all had a great time. Hope to see you soon’ and see if she responds

I teach my daughter to be grateful and appreciate kindness and generosity of family and friends, we have sent thank you messages with photos of her opening and playing with toys. OP I'm sorry your friend is rude and ungrateful, she had time for Facebook, she had time to send a message takes 5 seconds

The friend has been on Facebook, posting their holiday pics.
She’s not lying in a heap of exhaustion, unable to respond to a text.